MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
So when you’re ready, Let the beautiful menomorphosis begin!
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - The words you say matter
On today’s Thursday's Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about getting stuck in negativity and how the words we speak out into the world really matter.
Everyone loves a good moan, but do you ever find yourself telling the same story over and over again? Whilst it may feel good to complain and rant in the moment, it’s not actually doing us any favours if we keep repeating the same negative stories ad nauseam.
We hope you’ll find something useful or thought provoking in here!
Love,
Polly & Lucy x
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Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 2:I'm worried that this is going to be the one time when we're not going to be able to fill half an hour, because I'm suddenly a bit confused about what we're talking about. Did we say that we were talking about because we talked about this a few days ago, is it? Is it how we sort of cope when we're having a bit of a shitty time or when something's going wrong, or that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what we were talking about is when you, when something happens in your life and you're you're you feel quite incensed about it and that it's something which actually you're struggling to kind of get over, it's like it's how do you react in those situations. What do you do? Because we were talking about how it just feels sometimes really good just to tell everybody about the shit thing that happened. How was it? And it's like, like, because that feels good, because it feels validating, because you want to, you know you, you want to just share. This thing has happened and it's really crap and I just need to get it off my chest, which I think is really healthy on one hand. But then we were saying, actually, where it becomes a point when you're just ending up moaning and complaining, yeah, about the thing yeah and actually how helpful is that?
Speaker 1:and we know that's not that helpful, yeah totally, you know.
Speaker 2:Thanks for reminding me, love, because I forgot, I'd forgotten that we had that conversation about, about that thing. So so, basically, just to backtrack to our conversation, so something happened last week. I won't bore you with it, it it was, you know, whatever, but it's. I was just pretty, I was upset, I was angry, I was pretty gutted about something, and and then it was two days later and I was telling Polly about it on the phone and then I suddenly realized that I was doing that thing where I was just reliving it again, that I was doing that thing where I was just reliving it again and I'd already, like, had a rant about it to a few people, you know, on the day that it happened and it was really not that big of a deal, but you know, it pissed me off and anyway. So I was sort of having a rant and then, when two days later I was, I was ranting or telling you about it. That is how we came up with this conversation, because and and I had recently, that was it I had also recently listened to a podcast and I've done a podcast about this myself.
Speaker 2:I've done a mini episode about this, about um complaining and about how it's just, it's just so awful to be constantly complaining and and I can, you know, clearly I can do it along with anyone else but but this, this podcast episode that I listened to the other day, really reminded me of how our words we're not just talking, our words are actually kind of kind of, almost casting spells. So you and I, we talked about the fact that you, you know, I think the way that I think about it is what I tend to do is I will allow myself, however long I'm going to be allowed, to talk about that thing, because actually all you're doing, by repeating the same story over and over again, is putting more bad energy out there and therefore attracting more bad energy back into your life. So it, but the problem is, and the difficulty is, like you were saying, it feels really good and really validating and really sort of satisfying to have a big old rant and then to have a big old rant somebody else about it. But actually and this is where it's really difficult we have to realize that actually, although it feels good in the moment, it's not actually doing us any good, it's not doing our life any good to keep replaying this negative thing over and over and speaking the words out loud and and this is another thing that you and I've talked about but our words really matter, they're not just words and and the more that we talk about something, because, ultimately, when we're talking about something over and over again, we are doing that thing where that is where our energy is going, that is where we're placing our focus, that is where we're placing our attention, and we've got to remember that, as a general rule, we want to be placing our attention more on the things that we want than the things that we don't want. So, by telling the story repeatedly, over and over again, all we're doing is holding onto that thing that we don't want and focusing our energy on the thing that we don't want, which is just not going to help us.
Speaker 2:So, while it can feel really satisfying in the moment, that's where I think, if you and this is what I said to you, didn't I? I was like, right, that's it. You know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to even mention this to anyone else. And if I do mention it, I'm just going to say it in a completely different way. I'm not going to say it in a complaining way, I'm just going to say it in a oh yeah, this happened, but blah, blah, blah. And that doesn't mean toxic positivity, because we're giving ourselves time as we all need to have a rant. You know, feel upset, feel pissed off, but then the difference is that we're putting a time limit on it and saying, okay, ok, I've done it. Now I've ranted about this, I've retold this story to that person and that person, and now I have to make the decision, for my own good, to stop talking about it now and just let it go, because we are just, we're just reinforcing that negativity. So, yeah, I think this is really important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it's kind of the charge, isn't it in the telling, in the retelling of that story? It's like what is the charge there? So when you're in the most so, for example, if you're when you're in that heat, at that moment, when you're really pissed off, there is a huge amount of emotional charge and that's obviously we've got to somehow deal with, that. We've got to get that out. And however we do that and that might be through shouting, screaming, raging, telling the story, having a good old complain um, then we need to obviously get that out. Some. There are obviously other techniques you can do. You can breathe, you can tap, you can. It's like it's just kind of like getting that energy out, and so it's, it's taking the sting out of the tail.
Speaker 1:And I suppose, for a lot of us, our immediate reaction to when something is shitty is happening is to, yeah, moan about it, is to complain about it, you know, to cry, whatever, whatever it is, I suppose, the aware. It's all about that awareness in the moment. It's about being to catch yourself in that moment. Firstly, I suppose, of gosh, this thing is. I'm feeling like this and if you can, even I mean a lot of us can't in the moment because it's so, it's there is such an emotional charge to it. I mean the the real trick is if you can do it in the moment and then just let yourself feel those emotions and then let them go and then just go right, that's it.
Speaker 1:But, as we were discussing, sometimes what you need to do is you know you need to share it, you need to tell someone it's so good to to share that with somebody else, yeah, but actually it's once that sort of emotion is out of it that's what we're talking about. It's like then. Then, okay, say to yourself, okay, I've let it go. Now I've let it go, I've felt all the frustration or whatever it is. And then it's about being. It's not saying that you can never retell the story, because sometimes it's these moments they make really good stories. Or you know, we like to tell, you know it's a good thing to tell, but it's how we retell that story.
Speaker 1:We need to be able to retell it in a way where we don't have that emotional charge to it anymore, where we can just tell it as a story and we've we've let go of of it, of the thing which really irritated us, and that is a real skill. I mean that there's a skill to that, um, and yeah, it's, but it's. I think it's kind of quite similar in a way to gossiping, isn't it? It's gossiping complaining about somebody else, something else, it's. It's just, it's a difference between complaining about that, that thing or that person, as opposed to just telling a story in a way which isn't fueled with negativity and emotion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's such a good point and actually, um, but you know just to add that you know you were talking about sort of dealing with it in the moment and I think it's important to say that it's it's. You know, I don't think we're saying you have to not have the feelings.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean because, like the way that I felt when this thing happened last week, I just, I was just, I had such a powerful emotional reaction, like there was no way that I could have, like you know, done a five minutes breathing and then like, let it go, that you know, done a five minutes breathing and then like let it go.
Speaker 2:That was just not going to happen. I had to feel it. But I think you know what we're saying here is that it's absolutely, absolutely we need to feel it. But then how and we talked about this, paul, but you know, how long do you hold on to it? And also one, one thing, speaking about what you can do, because what I did after about an hour, I just I was so, I was so, um, I felt so emotional. I just felt I had such a powerful emotional reaction and not a good one that I ended up going for a walk after about an hour, literally, and this is a really good way of like letting it out. It's shifting that energy and moving that energy through yourself, and I felt so much better, just literally, I kind of stormed out the front door and just like went for a walk and walked really fast and just sort of walked it out essentially and that isn't to say I was then completely fine, but it definitely definitely helps. So you know, I think it's, I think it's.
Speaker 2:It's very, very, very difficult for you know to be able to in the actual moment when you know something is happening and you're having, you know, of course, like we're fucking humans, for god's sake. We've got to feel it, of course, but it really is. You know, beyond that it's. It's it's asking yourself like how okay, how many times am I going to go over this and to how many people, and how long am I going to hold on to this too? Yeah, how long am I going to hold on to this and and and that?
Speaker 2:Always, as everything that we talk about, it all comes down to a, to awareness. So we have to be, we have to realize what we're doing, and sometimes that's the problem we don't realize we're doing it because it can, you know, we can all become so accustomed to just moaning about it to that person and moaning about it to that person and that becomes your kind of you know, your sort of theme for the week or whatever. But it's that awareness, it's just that consciousness of hang on a minute, what am I like? Or recognizing that you're doing that, and it always comes back to how you're feeling. So if you're still feeling fucked off, ask yourself why am I still feeling fucked off? Oh, it's because I keep going over and over and over this and replaying it in my head and telling the same story to different people.
Speaker 2:But I love what you say there, polly, about how it's. It's kind of the, the sort of art and the skill of being able to tell the story, but not but, but without the emotional charge. It's like talking about something that's happened in the past that you can talk about from a completely neutral stance, because you've you've left the emotion or you've you know, you've processed the emotion in the past and now, in this present, you're able to talk about it in a completely neutral way that isn't emotionally charged, and that is a practice, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, god, that is a practice. But also, I was just thinking when you were saying that, when you say you're telling the story again and again and you've got to ask yourself you know, why am I telling the story again and again? And you, you know, you've got to ask yourself you know, why am I telling the story again and again? Is it because you and there's probably so many reasons beneath that, you know, so it's almost asking yourself what, what am I, what am I getting out of tell it, retelling this story? Is it because I'm enjoying the drama and I, like, I'm quite enjoying the attention or you know, which, you know, a lot of us can do? Is it because you, you know, there's some sort of belief under there that you're just trying to hold onto that? You, I don't know.
Speaker 1:There's probably something underneath the story of why you keep retelling it. You're reinforcing that addiction to that feeling that you're getting by retelling that story in some way. So that's where you've got to catch yourself, because it's probably totally subconscious, uh, but it's kind of catching yourself, just asking like, you know, what is it, what's this about? Why, why can't I let this go? Um, but it's going to be feeding something, or protecting some, some small part of you, um, but also let's go yeah, go on all I was gonna say is it's also like, it's like um validation, I think, for me.
Speaker 2:I wanted, I wanted to hear people be like, oh my god, yeah oh my god, yeah, that's awful, and oh my god, I'm really, you know, you, that's how that's in that moment for me. That was what I felt. I. I felt like I needed to hear that my feelings were justified. I think that can sometimes be our reason. It's like you need somebody to validate the way that you're feeling, because then it sort of makes you feel better if someone gets it.
Speaker 2:And in fact the absolute opposite happened. When I told my brother, for example, he was completely like almost sort of brushed it off and I was like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. So that kind of proves that actually what I was looking for yeah what? Maybe wrong? He wasn't.
Speaker 2:He wasn't like horrible about it or anything, but he just kind of I felt like he just didn't get it on the level that I was feeling it, which is completely fair enough, yeah, not least because he's, you know, he's got like an eight month old baby he's, you know, he's kind of somewhat distracted, but it but it's, but it is, isn't it that kind of? You just need someone to understand, you just need someone to get it, you just need someone to, yeah, to get it and in the moment, that feels like like such a such a strong need, and I think we all have, yeah, we just we all have that need to be validated by you know, by by somebody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think it's that human connection, isn't it? You just want to have that. You know, if something's emotionally charging, you just need. It's just nice to have someone's arms almost wrapped around you and going, you know, telling you it's kind of you know, yeah, you're just, it's like you, you're right, okay to feel like that and it's all going to be okay. You just, we all need that.
Speaker 1:To a certain extent, I think the difference can be, though. So we're talking. So we're talking primarily here about if something happens to you and you know, you, we keep talking about it again and again, and there's got to be a point where you draw the draw the line. But I think there's also another you know part of this that if you are, if something happens in the moment and you're with another person and say, say, it's the person, for example, who's upset you and there's been some sort of disagreement or some sort of feeling, emotional charge in that point, in that sense, sometimes I think it that's when you've got to catch it more in that moment.
Speaker 1:Ok, you've got to feel it, but you've got to I think that's when sometimes it's best to remove yourself from that situation and maybe use some of those strategies like breathe, remove yourself to a different place so that then you can then feel it, so that then you can then feel it, feel that like that's why tapping it would be so good. In that, in that state, it's like I am so angry right now, I'm so pissed off. You know, tap through the different points in your body, feel that emotion, and when you have got, you have calmed down, then you can go back and respond to that scenario, whatever it might be, and respond to that scenario, whatever it might be, because then in that sense, what you're doing is you're taking the emotional charge out before you say something you might seriously regret, and then you get through all the guilt and all the, all those even worse feelings afterwards.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, um, I have a thing where um, and I don't always stick to it, but if I'm writing, for example, if I'm writing an email that you know is about something that I'm not happy about or whatever it may be, I will leave it like overnight and essentially sleep on it, and more often than not, I'll read it and be like, yeah, I'm not going to send that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just going to tone it down a bit, do you know, and I mean, email is just one example of that, but I think it's quite a good example of how we sometimes need to. Just, you know, people say sleep on it, and actually it's so. It's such good advice because so often we do need to literally sleep on something and you, just, you know, wait until the next day before you, like, before you do what you're tempted to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, it's just it's that, it's just those emotions, because when they are, there's so much energy in emotions that they can drive us to do things that or behave in ways that actually we're like, oh god, really did I do that, but um, and that's, and it is totally normal and, and you know, as we're saying, we, it's really important to feel all the emotions. That's what makes us human, but I think it's it's it's it's those emotions sometimes which can, yeah, which we don't want to get stuck into them, which is is what we said you don't want to get stuck in the negativity and the heaviness of the emotion, but we also don't want to, you know, make situations 10 times worse by kind of escalating it, by saying something that we will later regret. Yeah, just going back to the point, about how important our words are.
Speaker 2:I'm just going back to the point about how important our words are. I just I just want to kind of reiterate that point because I think we have to realize that our words are our words and our thoughts are more powerful than we realize. So not only do we need to pay attention and be really vigilant about the thoughts that are in our head, and of course we can't we can't choose the thoughts that randomly, you know our minds, our monkey mind, serves up to us on the regular. We can't choose them, but what we can do is we can choose to shift them. We can choose to not, not. Um, what's the word? Not? Uh, what's the bloody word?
Speaker 1:we can choose to them. We can choose not to attach to them.
Speaker 2:We can choose not to attach them, we can choose not to identify with them, we can choose to let them go. We can choose to think about something else. And I think we also have to be vigilant about the words that are coming out of our mouth, because they are, god sorry, someone's. I've got on a WhatsApp group. I'm on I've got like thousand messages coming through which keep popping down on my screen, which is really annoying. Um, but yeah, I think our, you know our words. In the same way that our thoughts are creating our reality to a greater or lesser extent, so are our words.
Speaker 2:So we need to ask ourselves, we need to pay attention to the words that we're speaking out into the world. Yes, you know, are we speaking very negative words or are we, you know, are we saying negative things a lot, or are we more often than not saying more positive things? Um, cause, I think that is something that is really, really crucial. It's really important. I used to be way more negative and, um, and it's something I've really worked on because I realized that it just it just wasn't, it just wasn't helping me, just, you know, and it was just making things worse. And I think, when we're not aware of it. We don't realize that it's that we're kind of, you know, we're making it's a rod for our own back. We're just we're making life worse for ourselves.
Speaker 2:Even though we might feel like we need to be saying these negative things, actually they are not serving us. They are just not serving us. So that's where we kind of need to just check in and be like what is is? Is this serving me? And even though it does feel good and like you know you were saying about gossiping, I mean, it is the same thing, isn't? It can feel good in the moment, but actually, is that serving you? Is that serving the world? Is that making for a good conversation?
Speaker 1:probably not yeah, but also it. It well, I'm noticing more and more now is things that people say which aren't actually necessarily the truth, but people, we believe that it's the truth because of what we, what we believe, you know how we, how we view the world, how we view money, how we view the way the world. You know countries are run or what you know. However, we've been brought up, whether that's through our parents, through teachers, through society, whatever and I'm noticing it more and more that you know that people say and, and you know, and I'm included in this, we're all included in this because it's. But you know, I know it's quite often when Giles will say something and I'm finding myself more and more now just questioning it. Like you know, he said something the other day about oh, it's really really hard at the moment for graduates to get jobs from university, and I was like, well, don't tell Felix that, because actually that's what that's your perspective from in the, in the world that you live, in the financial world, that you live perhaps because jobs are changing, because the world is changing, but it doesn't mean that there's not jobs out there. Or you know there's not opportunities out there, so it know there's not opportunities out there.
Speaker 1:So it's all again, it's your words are so important, so it's a bit like, you know, actually there's so many opportunities out there, there's so much money out there in the world, but perhaps it's not in the traditional way that it always used to be, but there's, perhaps there's new opportunities. So it's like, again, it's just let let's not use our words to just make everything feel a bit negative and a bit depressing, whereas actually it's like let's just remind ourselves is that actually true? Yes, maybe traditionally, how things have always been done. Things aren't the same, but let's look over here and actually look at all these new amazing, these new opportunities which have been created because the world is changing. So it's that I find really fascinating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, uh, because that is a very difficult one to to notice and to become aware of and I'm constantly disagreeing with Giles on this, because it's, like you know, because we're looking at it from two different perspectives, uh, but I prefer personally to look at it from my perspective because it's much, you know, and I think he doesn't, you know he does get it, but it's, yeah, you know, it's just keeping an open mind and just keeping um an awareness, fairness, of what is actually the truth. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:I absolutely love that you brought this up and and actually the the example that Giles, you know, it's such a, it's such a brilliant example, it's, it's a classic, isn't it? Like that it's it's really hard for graduates to find jobs like that's a massive sweeping statement and it depends on who you're talking to. And the thing is that we will. You know the things that we believe, the things that we're telling ourselves, will play out in our lives. So if we say, you know, felix says it's going to be really difficult for me to get a job because there are no jobs out there for graduates at the moment, he will, if he believes that, if he keeps saying that. So I'm not saying he is, but I know Giles said it, but you know what I mean. If, if he does, then if he keeps saying that so I'm not saying he is, but I know Giles said it. But do you know what I mean? If, if he does, then inevitably he will find it hard to find a graduate job, because that's the story he's telling himself, whereas if he's telling himself, you know, there's loads of opportunity everywhere. I just have to think outside the box, it's not. You know, you don't just get a job by going to fucking indeedcom and looking what's out there. No, no, no, no. There are a million different ways of finding work and earning money. So you know, we just have to remind ourselves that that are a lot.
Speaker 2:You know, if we're playing into a story that's going to play out in our lives and again it's dancing. You know we talked about limiting beliefs, our lives, and again it's dancing. You know we've talked about limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are just we have to be aware of what our limiting beliefs are and how they are limiting us, because that's why they're called limiting beliefs, because they limit us. You know something I feel so passionately about and actually you know, um, I mean, you and I are both have our own businesses, so we talk about this a lot.
Speaker 2:But you know we could say, like if I kept saying to myself, one in whatever it is, one in two small businesses fail after the first, blah, blah, blah, if I just kept fucking telling myself that story, then I'm going to fail. But I never, I never tell myself that story ever, like I just don't. And the crazy thing is that I don't believe it because I've told myself a different story. I've told myself the story that I want to believe. Therefore, that is the story that automatically comes into my mind and hopefully that is what will play out in my life, because I'm not thinking.
Speaker 2:You know whereas if I was thinking every single day, oh, so many small businesses you know like when you if you say you're starting a business and someone's you know you can just imagine, can't you someone in your family or a friend say oh? I don't know about starting your own business. Oh, it's a bit risky, do you know how many of them fail? And blah, blah, blah. Oh my god, oh my god. We have to stop doing this. You know, every eventuality is possible. Everything is possible out there.
Speaker 1:It's just the story that we're telling ourselves yeah, and it's, and it's the energy that we put out into the world with that. So it's about. That is why we've got to keep our vibration high. We've got to get let go and release all the negative stories that we keep retelling to others, to ourselves, and just keep our energy high, because then we are, you know, we're going to find the things well.
Speaker 2:Everything's going to become much easier for us because, yeah, energy attracts like attract, like attracts, like that's to say, yeah and one thing, just to go back to what we were saying at the beginning is you know, it does sometimes feel good. It feel, you know it can feel good to moan and complain along with everyone else. But just take a pause and ask yourself oh god, is this, you know? Because sometimes it's so tempting. It's so like it's so tempting to join in a gossip session about someone because there's something about it that feels good and it's like you're all in this. You know you're all having this conversation together and there's kind of connection and it makes you feel connected to the people that you're having the conversation with.
Speaker 2:Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But just take a second and ask yourself is this, you know? Are these the words that I want to be speaking? Are these the kinds of conversations that are actually going to serve me in my life? Are they? Are these the kinds of conversations that are actually going to make my life better and help me get the things that I want? They're probably not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah yeah, well, I think that's probably um all I've got.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm well's 29 minutes past and we've done a half an hour Somehow. Every week we make it to half past. God, I'm out, all right, well thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, this is a good subject, though. It's important because, as you said at the very beginning, we all fall into it. Even you can talk about it as all you like, but we all still fall into it. So it's good just to keep reminding ourselves of these things exactly well, we'll be back next week talking about who knows what yes thanks for listening and thanks for watching.
Speaker 2:I'll see you soon, love. Have a good day, lots of love. Bye, babe, bye.