MENOMORPHOSIS

Thursday Thoughts - Who Do You Want To Be

Polly Warren

On this week's Thursday Thoughts, Polly and I are asking the question: Who do you want to be?

As we begin 2025, rather than focusing on our goals for the year ahead, or the actions we want to take, it can help enormously to think about who we actually want to be.

So ask yourself: "What would the future version of me do right now?" "How would the version of me who is successful, healthy, wealthy be showing up today?" If we can aim to embody that future version of ourselves, then we will naturally hit some of our goals along the way.

We hope you'll find something useful in here.

Love,
Polly & Lucy x

To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go, hello.

Speaker 2:

Hi Right. Hopefully it's's gonna work this time, okay so this morning I completely forgot what we're talking about we are talking about.

Speaker 1:

Who do you want to be in the coming year? So this, I think, is a. It's a good one, because at this time of year, everyone is in that in between the Christmas, new Year stage I don't know about you, but my inbox suddenly gets jammed with lots of different emails about, right, what are your goals? And for 2025, and what's what are you going to achieve, and blah, blah, blah. And actually I think this is quite a good one to talk about, because it can feel a little bit overwhelming suddenly starting a new year, going oh my god, I don't know what I want to do and I didn't quite achieve what I wanted to do last year, and so I think a much healthier approach to all of this is to not focus on necessarily the doing.

Speaker 1:

What am I going to do? What am I going to achieve? What are the things I'm going to get? It's more about actually, who do I want to be going forward from this point, because this is a much more sustainable way to, to, to live and to achieve those goals you want to achieve. I'm not saying it's not good to have goals of course we all have goals and it's lovely to set those and and and aim for something. But in fact, if we focus more on on who we are being, in that process those goals are just naturally going to come to us anyway. Because if we're focusing on who we're being, it's much more aligned with our values, with, um, that version of selves, of ourselves, which shows up in the way that we well, our best version of ourselves.

Speaker 2:

I mean, there's a Jim Rohn quote and I'm going to get it wrong, but it roughly says your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal growth. And it's so true that if you're wanting more and you're wanting to achieve goals that you haven't achieved before and you're wanting to do things that you've never done before, actually you're so right it is, it's we're better off concentrating on who we need to actually become in order to achieve those things. And the way that I always try and think about this and I try, and I do this in my meditation, in my visualizations in the morning is, I think it's about embodying the future version of ourselves. So we have to, kind of, we have to embody the person that we would like to be in the future, and that might mean we want to be more grateful, or it might mean we want to feel more free, or it might mean we want to feel more peaceful. But what we need to do is is that classic thing of you know, life is really from the inside out. So whatever we are, whatever is going on in our internal landscape, that is what is going to subsequently be. You know, that is what is going to end up in our external landscape. So we we're much better better off focusing on how we are being, like you say, because when you change who you're being, that is when your external reality inevitably changes.

Speaker 2:

But I try every day, if I can, to embody the feelings of the person I want to be and just it's. It's almost like you know, it's that kind of like fake it till you make it, which I know some people love and some people hate. There's another um, there's another well, what's the other way of saying fake it till you make it, um, believe it until you become it? Now, there's anyway. There's. There's another way of saying that I can't remember, but but it's it. It kind of is fake it till you make it. It's just playing into that version of you that you want to become and every day asking yourself how do I want to be today? Because we're never going to kind of, we're never going to become the version of ourselves that we want, unless we're actually embodying that version of ourselves right now.

Speaker 1:

You know yeah, and I think, um, a really good way to think of. A good example of this is if you think about health, so particularly this time of year. I think you know there's lots of different ways you can think about it, but what just sprung into my mind was a lot of people at this time of year going right, okay, I've. Ok, I've eaten too much, I've drunk too much at Christmas. I need to get healthy. So I'm going to now go to the gym three days a week. I'm going to not drink any alcohol for the month of January. I'm going to say all these sort of these goal, these achievements that you want to achieve.

Speaker 1:

Often, however, when we give ourselves those, those really rigid markers, we have to rely on motivation to in order to not have an alcoholic drink, to in order to get us to the gym in order. So, rather than think of it in that sense, because you're going right, I've got to lose x amount of weight or whatever it is, rather than thinking about it like that, it's almost like, can you embody that version of you who does go, who just goes, who doesn't necessarily go to the gym, but who is healthy, who works out, who looks after their body who cares about what they put in. So it's almost kind of going. Okay, how do I want to feel? How do I want to feel? So I want to feel. I want to have energy, I want to feel energized. I want to feel. So I want to feel. I want to have energy, I want to feel energized, I want to feel strong. I want to be able to pick up my shopping without struggling. I want to not I, you know I want to feel really mobile. I want to feel clarity in my head, in in my brain, in my head.

Speaker 1:

So it's this is what we need to think about. So, okay, we want to feel all those things. So how then? So who do we need to be? We need to to be someone who's going to show up for ourselves and make those choices which allow us to have to feel that way. So then it's like, okay, well, what do I need to do? Maybe I need to get up a little bit earlier, uh, in the morning, because I don't have enough time before work to do anything. So it's like right, okay, if I need to get up a little bit earlier, what then next? Okay, maybe I go to bed a little bit earlier.

Speaker 1:

So it's just building it in step by step and it's not just something you're going to do for a short time, it's a long. It's looking at it with real longevity to think this is a way of living, this is a way of life. It's not a short-term thing, and that is the only way, I believe, that you get long term change and that you get to those desired results. Yes, of course, you could say right, I want to run a marathon in 2025. Great.

Speaker 1:

But look at that in a different way. It's like OK, well, how do I want to? Who do I want to be? Who do I need to be to be able to even get there? You need to be, you need to be really resilient. So that's kind of like, in order to be able to show up every day to do whatever you need to do in terms of training, you need to eat in a certain way, but then also, that means that you've got to uh, yeah, I mean, resilience is a massive one, I think in that, but it just means you've got to start really taking care of yourself. Um, so, yeah, I mean I hope that. Yeah, that's kind of how I feel is the way to go, rather than it all be about the doing, doing, doing, it's just got to be about being who am I going to be?

Speaker 2:

and also, I think quite a good way to think about it that I sometimes try and think about about it in this way is is it's almost like working backwards. So if you jump forward to the future version of you, for example, and for example, somebody who is healthier and fitter, or somebody who has more money or or whatever it's someone who is in a relationship but currently are not, when you kind of come from that version of yourself, if you it's almost like you want to take actions as that future version of yourself and and ask yourself the question what would that version of myself do?

Speaker 2:

how would that version of myself do, how would that version of myself be thinking? And I find this really really useful If I'm trying to make a decision to do something, I will think you know what would that version of me be doing right now, how would I be behaving, how would I be acting, what would I be doing, what actions would I be taking? So if you kind of sort of take it, you know, go forward in time and then work backwards and work out the things that you need to do, um in in that respect I feel like I'm not being remotely articulate this- morning.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no go Lucy.

Speaker 2:

I woke up. Well, it's our first one after two weeks. Well, it is I, honestly I woke up.

Speaker 1:

I went to bed so early last night because it felt like I'd been awake for about five days, which I think I kind of had been. So I woke up at 1 am thinking, oh no, I can't go. I've only had four hours sleep, a really deep sleep, and then obviously couldn't go back to sleep because it was like my equivalent of 7 am, I mean anyway. So, yeah, ditto, but look, it's all good. It's all good, exactly, exactly. But yeah, that totally makes sense.

Speaker 1:

What you're talking about, this, this is what we're talking about. It's embodying the person that we want to become and really living in accordance to those values of who that person is. And so, for example, again, if you're scared of something, if something's really, you know, allowing, stopping you from being that version, then it's about if you can visualize that future version of yourself. It's going to help get rid of those fears. Yeah, those fears are still going to probably be lurking there in the background, but actually what we want is to become that version of ourselves. He goes fuck it. Anyway, I'm going to do it anyway.

Speaker 2:

I'm not going to allow those fears to stop me from being that person and, again, if you're thinking from what that person would do, and actually I've got such a good example of this just from last night for me. So I'm doing this week today, tomorrow and Wednesday I'm doing a free workshop, um, at 1pm for any single women out there who'd like to join. Just go to lucymagisoncom, forward, slash singlehood and you can sign up and it's free, um. But basically yesterday, yesterday morning, I thought to myself you know, because you know what it's like when you're you're talking about something that you're doing, you have to like send out emails, you have to show up on instagram and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2:

And yesterday I was thinking, okay, I need to, you know, do another post about it. And then I thought do you know what? Fuck it, I'm actually just going to go live on Instagram. And so this was a thought I had yesterday morning. And then the day kind of went and I was doing, you know, whatever I was doing. And then I sort of said to myself I'll do it like later on this evening and I'm so used to doing Instagram lives with you that I don't get.

Speaker 2:

And you know, both of us have had this conversation before. I don't get nervous about coming on live with you. Even when I'm talking a complete load of shite, I just I'm just like whatever. But actually I still get nervous doing lives by myself.

Speaker 2:

Um, and last night I nearly, very, very nearly, talked myself out of going live to talk about my workshop because I suddenly felt really nervous.

Speaker 2:

I was like, oh god, oh god, you know, I'm just, I'm just not in the mood for this, I'm really not in the mood for this. But then I was like I actually said to myself, lucy, what would the successful version of you do? She would get on and do a freaking live. She would be talking about this workshop and so by by doing that, it then gave me that kind of push that I needed to just do the goddamn thing anyway, despite the fear, despite the anxiety the anxiety, you know it most certainly wasn't the best live I've ever done. I was a bit like bumbly, because I do find it scary to do lives on my own without you. Um, but I did it, and the reason I did that is because I literally, you know, kind of got in contact with that future version of myself and literally said what would she do? She would be doing this live. And also I reminded myself in that moment that we do not grow unless we're getting uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

So I think this is it's just a really good example of thinking what would you know? Who do I want to be? Well, I want to be the version of me that fucking shows up and does the live. I do, I want to be. Well, I want to be the version of me that fucking shows up and does the live. Yeah, I don't. I don't want to be the version of me that is too scared to do it. So then I don't do it, and then I don't do the post that I wanted to do. No, no, no, that's not okay.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, well and brilliant, well done for doing that, because it that's exactly right. Another example actually I've got is also from this, from today is so I've had a two week break from my inner space membership, from doing my breathwork sessions Monday, wednesdays and Fridays, and there's been lots of recordings for people to listen to, but this morning was the first one back live and I was worried and thinking, oh my gosh, I wonder if I'm going to, how I'm going to feel, if I'm going to have any sleep before that. You know, haven't, um, you know, still jet lagged or whatever. Um, and I saw that somebody had actually signed up. I know it's a quiet time this time, so I thought, saw someone had signed up, so set my alarm, got up and I had everything ready, all prepared, and so I, I, so there was only one person who signed up and I so easily could have said do you know what I'm going to cancel?

Speaker 1:

It can't be bothered. But in my mind and I did think this, I went through it's like well, look, I'm going to just show up as if the future version of me, because one day, hopefully, I'm going to have many, many, many, many, many more people who are going to show up and want to do this, am I going to cancel? I'm going to show up for one person like I'm going to show up for a hundred people.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to show up in exactly that same version of myself and do the best bloody session I possibly can, Because that is the version of me. I want to bring to everything I do, it doesn't really matter how many people are there.

Speaker 1:

And I've heard people like Jay Shetty, for example, talk about this. When he first started out, when he was doing talks, he would turn up to these, these talks he would do if there was one person, five people, 10 people as the version of himself, as he still does today when he's talking to bloody thousands.

Speaker 1:

And millions of people, and so it is really embodying that version of you who you want to be, and not just thinking, oh well, it doesn't really matter because there's only one person there or you know. So so, yes, use yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, thanks, teresa, but no, I, I really think it is such a good, it's such a good way to move through your life, to think to my, to think to yourself. And you know, going back to you, you were mentioning sort of health and exercise earlier and you know it could. For example, if you really don't feel like doing a workout or going for the walk or going for the run or getting on the rebounder or doing the strength training, whatever it is, and and I've had to do this as well, and I do this frequently because I never fucking feel like doing, I never feel like getting on my rebounder, I never feel like picking up some weights and, and you know, it's like it hurts and it's just like a pain in the ass and I don't want to do it. But actually, when I say to myself, you know, who do I want to be down the line, well, who I want to be is somebody who is in the best possible shape I can be for myself. Who I want to be is not somebody who just allows myself to go because, because I'm in, you know, because oh well, I'm in, you know, I'm nearly 50. I'm in the menopause. No, that's not the person I want to be. So when I think about the person I do want to be, that is kind of the extra kick up the ass I need to do. You think.

Speaker 2:

Well, having said that, I totally didn't do it this morning. I had a. I had I had a slight and what I have a slight headache just over my left eye, not anything major, but it was just slight this morning. But you know what? I used that as an excuse to not do it. So, completely going back to what I just said, but despite me being rubbish this morning, that is such a good little trick.

Speaker 2:

It's just you've just gotta, you've just gotta take a second, you've gotta interrupt the part of you that's going, oh god, I don't want to do the live. Or oh, I don't want to do the workout. Or, oh, I don't want to make that phone call. You've just got to. You know, you've got to interrupt yourself, interrupt that thought and come in with the future version of yourself and go. No, actually, because the person I want to be in six months down the line, the person that I want to be when I next get into a bikini, is not how I feel right now. It's how I'm going to feel in six months time, so that's how I'm going to act. So it's it's. It's. It's acting as well as I know we're talking about being, but it is also acting as the person that you want to be down the line, and if you just can't, if you just keep checking in with yourself on a regular basis, all comes down to awareness that word we use without fail.

Speaker 2:

Every single one of these all comes down to awareness. We have to remind ourselves to check in. Who am I being and who do I?

Speaker 1:

but who do I actually want to be, you know, yeah yeah, and also we it's, you can check in with that future version of yourself, but you can also check in yourself. You know, it's like six months down the line but also that, that future version of yourselves in an hour. So, for example, yesterday we got off the plane, we arrived, we landed back here in the UK at 6am. We got home by about 8am and I was, the kids kind of got into their beds and we're just like, oh god, although we had literally been traveling for 24 hours and been doing a little sitting down. So I was thinking, oh god, I don't want to do anything.

Speaker 1:

But Giles hubby was like I'm going for a run. I was like, really, and he was like, yeah, I need to get out and so, which was really good for me. So I was like, okay, I'll come with you. But you know what? That was the best thing I could have done, because I suddenly was like, yeah, I feel gross. I've been sort of sat down inside for so long on flights and airports and stuff, and so I did exactly that. I thought, okay, in an hour or so, when I get back, how am I going to feel? I know that is getting some fresh air, getting inside, having with my body. I'm gonna feel so much better than I do now. If I don't do it, how am I gonna feel? I'm gonna feel lethargic. I'm gonna feel really jealous that he's done it.

Speaker 2:

I've not done it.

Speaker 1:

I all these sort of things, and so I did and guess what? I felt bloody brilliant once I did, and then then I went and sat down. But so it's even just in the short term. You can really set yourself a vision of yourself like how do I want to feel in just an hour's time and two hours time? And that, use that to really spare you on, because it really does help, it really does work. You know it's constantly tapping into that future version of you whenever that might be. And it also reminds me of you know it's. It's constantly tapping into that future version of you whenever that might be. Yeah, and it also reminds me of um, you know it's kind of always acting in the way what's, what is it saying? Acting in the way as if no one's.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, you know so so it's not.

Speaker 1:

You're not just doing something just because it looks good or because you're going to get some sort of positive feedback from somebody else, from for what the thing you're doing? Actually, it's kind of like just behave in the way as if no one is watching, no one is looking at you, to just for your own good, because if you show up like that and it will all it's all the good things are going to come back to you. Does that mean? To be fair.

Speaker 2:

You have an excuse, you're massively jet lagged, having just got back from thailand so I mean, I don't even have that excuse and I'm still talking about that now I forgot I was going to respond to that and I forgot what I was going to say. Um oh crap. What did you just say, polly?

Speaker 2:

well this is going to be a great episode. You know what I was going to say. It's actually going back to. We had a conversation a few weeks ago about integrity and it's about because that is also, you know, that is also about being the version of us that we want to be.

Speaker 2:

And, by the way, can I just say that this, this is not. I don't want this to be a conversation, and it's not meant to be a conversation about oh, you know, it's the new year and therefore we have to do a million things and we have to become this. We have to go on that. It's not meant to be a conversation about, oh, you know, it's the new year and therefore we have to do a million things and we have to become this. We have to go on. That it's, it's, that's not. I don't want that to this to come across like that, because that just puts too much pressure on ourselves.

Speaker 2:

But actually the fact of the matter is that when we are being the person that we want to be, then we feel good about ourselves and if we can, you know, if, if we all know the sort of our values and and how we want to show up in the world, and actually when we, when we do the things that we say we want to do, we feel, you know, it's putting a coin in our confidence bank. We feel so much better about ourselves. So again, it's just that constant checking in with with ourselves, like how you know, even even just you know, like you said, it can just be who do I want to be in an hour? Or it could be, who do I want to be later on, when I'm going out with that friend who I find quite difficult, who do I want to be then? And you know, like what, what conversations do I want to have? What conversations do I want?

Speaker 1:

How do I want to show up in that, in that situation, often, often, often, um in my breathwork sessions, which we do in the morning, which is like a meditation breathwork session, I often finish with that question you know, who do you want to be today, how do you want to show up today, what version of yourself do you want? If you're intentional about it, then you can actually bypass some of those characteristics which might be sort of habitual, which actually aren't very helpful in challenging situations want to be and who you want to show up as during the day, during the month, during the year, then what it allows you to do is to have that awareness and make that choice in challenging situations, of the version that perhaps isn't isn't very helpful. So I mean, for example, you know, if you have a really stressful job and you find yourself quite often getting really, really agitated, really upset with people, and perhaps then you don't react in a way that you you want to, if you can be intentional about who you want to be, you've set that intention at the beginning of the day, or this is what we're saying, you know, at this time of year is a good to do for the year ahead. And you know, obviously we're not perfect, we're not always going to behave in this way, but what it kind of gives you, sort of that north star, that guiding light of of somewhere to aim for. It just helps you to refocus, realign, of like.

Speaker 1:

Actually, I get to choose how I show up, I get to choose my best version of myself, I get to live in accordance to my values, to my true essence, and that's all we're really saying here. It's about just really coming back to, to being you, being authentically you, and not allowing all the crap which we get bombarded with hour by hour literally nowadays, with stress and with, uh, different stories which we tell ourselves with all the fears and doubts. In fact, when we can just allow ourselves to just come back to that question of like, how do I want to show up? Can I show up as the best version of myself? Then you're just going to do your best at not reacting in a way that you don't want to react, and I think that, very simply, is what we're talking about here. It's just about being yourself, being true to yourself and your unique essence really Totally, and now I've completely gone off.

Speaker 2:

I've I was, I was about to make a point and again it's gone completely out of my head. I'm having a menopausal moment. Um, I literally can't remember what I was gonna say. Oh my god, ah, why does this always happen?

Speaker 2:

oh what was I gonna say? Oh, hang on, it was. It was like, uh, oh, I know it was. It was just going back to um. It was just going back to the awareness, really, and sort of being intentional and how, when, when we are, when, when we're intentional about the way that we want to be I in fact, I know what it was as well I was going to say some. Sometimes, showing up as the, the person that we want to be in the future, it can be scary, not least because of the people around us and the noise around us from the people that we know from our family, from our friends, from our colleagues, whoever.

Speaker 2:

So sometimes it is really difficult to embody that future version of you because people aren't used to that version of you, which is what makes it really hard. I mean, for example, you know, last night, me showing up on Instagram. The fear doesn't come from strangers, the fear comes from people. I know, thinking god, she's such a dick, but actually I, or that what I mean. It sounds so morbid and I know I've talked about this before, but it's so useful to just think.

Speaker 2:

You know what, in a hundred years, none of us are even gonna bloody be here anymore and I know that sounds really morbid, but actually, I swear to god, if you keep that thought in your mind like a lot of the time, like none of us are going to be here in 100 years, suddenly, why does any of it matter? Why does it matter if you? Why does it matter if you put a reel out on instagram that makes you look like a bit of a dick, but actually you've got to do it if you're trying to grow your business. Why does it matter that you're saying that you don't want to drink to? You know a crowd of your drinking buddies who are all going.

Speaker 2:

Oh god, you're so boring. Why does that actually matter? None of us are going to be here in 100 years, so we might as well you know, we might as well live the life that we want to live while we're here. And again, I know it sounds really morbid, but actually having that thought in the back of your mind is so useful in so many ways. So so yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yes, exactly yeah. I mean, it's zooming out is really a great way to look at it.

Speaker 1:

You know, really, it's just, it's our stories that we tell ourselves, which is what holds us back from becoming and doing the things that we want to do. So it's just like start that, just just live. Yeah, just constantly come back to that version of yourself that you really want to be and show up as rather than you know. So easy isn't it to look at other people and go, oh my god, but it's okay for them because they're so confident and they're. But actually I guarantee that they've also got so many fears and doubts and worries, just like you have. But actually what they're doing is they are just going spot it. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to become the version of myself that I want to become. There's that, there's that really good story.

Speaker 1:

Um, I think Kathy Heller talks about it all the time about the guy. Is he a car salesman who he wanted to? He just showed up and didn't have anything, didn't have any qualifications, but he decided that he was going to show up every day as the the best salesman that there possibly was and he ended up winning awards. He turned up in a suit every day, didn't have to. He just basically had decided the person he was going to become and he ended up getting promoted and doing really well. I can't really bad example, but but it is. It is literally a matter of right, this and it's and okay, we're saying it's as if it's really easy, but it is something to really just have awareness about and be focused and intentional about and just ask yourself what you know, where do I want to be at the end of 2025, or even the end of 2026, and who do I need to be in order to get there?

Speaker 2:

that that's really it. We've just got to ask ourselves that question who do I need to be to get to where I want to go? And then we have to find that courage to show up to that person as much as we possibly can. Ultimately, we've actually gone one minute over we got that.

Speaker 1:

We got there. If you've listened and you've got to this far, thank you so much well done this morning. I can just tell you I'm my brain is feeling a little bit fuzzy and not really on my a-game, um. So yeah, thank you for sticking with us um well, we'll be back next week.

Speaker 2:

No idea what we're going to be talking about then, but hey, we'll probably be a little bit more coherent. Thank you, lucy all right, have a lovely day.

Speaker 1:

Good luck with the workshop today everybody, I hope it goes well.

Speaker 2:

Thank you lots of love. Speak to you later. Bye, bye.