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Thursday Thoughts - Routines & Accountability

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On today’s Monday Motivation, Lucy and I are talking about routines and accountability.

The science shows that when we get accountability in place, we are 96% more likely to do the goddam thing. NINETY SIX PERCENT!!! 

In this conversation, Lucy and I share a little about our own experiences of accountability, including how I’ve had - for several years now - an accountability buddy who I phone (or who phones me!) every morning at 5am. Without that, I would likely never have got into the habit of getting up early and cultivating a morning routine.

I talks about how I used accountability when I ran a marathon; I also talks about how we can use self-accountability as a way of implementing a new routine into our lives.

We also talk a bit about habit stacking, and how this can be a great way of getting daily routines in place.

We really hope that you’ll find something useful in here!

Love,
Polly & Lucy x

To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.

Speaker 2:

So this is as I was just saying before you came on, so this is something that was just saying before you came on. So this is something that you and I have definitely talked. We talked about routines and we talked about accountability, but I think it you know, you can't hear these things enough times. And also, this is such a good time of year because obviously a lot of people are trying to, you know, implement new routines into their lives, and I I particularly wanted to talk about the sort of accountability piece, because accountability is something that I am truly passionate about, because guess what it freaking works. And, as you know and anyone who's been listening to me for any length of time will know that I have not just one but two morning accountability buddies, one of whom I call at 5am, the second of whom I call at 5.30 and second of whom I call at 5.30. And just that routine alone, just that you know those particular accountability bodies they have. They have meant that I've stayed on track with my morning routine and and I started, I taught again I won't go into this in loads of detail, but I because I talked about this before, but when I very first started my morning routine four or five years ago I the. The one and only reason that I got a morning routine, as I started it and created a habit of it, is because I at that time had an accountability buddy called Michaela, who I love to pieces, and we would. We would take it in turns for each other at 5 am every morning. We would, we would take it in turns for each other at 5am every morning, and it was it. Were it not for her, I can tell you now that there is no way that I would have got up on my own. There's just no way I would have done because I was never a quote morning person. So, basically, I think that the main thing I wanted to say to anyone listening or watching is that if you are trying to implement any kind of routine, any kind of habit, into your life, you know, really, really, really think I mean obviously not for everything. You know, if you want to drink more water, you're not going to get accountability buddy, but if you want to do anything like something like getting up early or something like exercising or even, you know, going out for a daily walk for 10 minutes, whatever it is, you may not think that there's anybody that you could use as an accountability buddy. But there will be. There will be somebody in your life, even if it's somebody that you only know online, but there will be somebody, if you just think about it, who you can use for accountability.

Speaker 2:

And it is such an effective tool, it's a game changer, and I think it's um, I correct me if I'm wrong, polly, but I think it's. We are. It's something ridiculous, like we're 96 more percent likely to do the freaking goddamn thing when we have accountability. It's, it's huge. And, of course, it makes complete sense, because when we are holding ourselves accountable, not just to ourselves but to somebody else, we don't want to let them down, like if we've said to somebody I will call you at six o'clock to say that I'm about to get on my rebounder or you know, or go to the gym or whatever. When someone else is also relying on us, we're so much more likely to do it and it just gives us that sense of accountability and it gives us a little bit more motivation. It really makes such a big difference.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, yeah, you know it doesn't necessarily have to be somebody in your kind of immediate circle, it doesn't necessarily have to be your partner, it doesn't have to be one of your friends, it can be somebody who you've met on freaking Instagram but who you know is into whatever it is.

Speaker 2:

But use accountability because it bloody works.

Speaker 2:

And if you want to, if you want to get these things going in your life, and if you're determined to, even if it's just one you know it doesn't have to be lots of things, it could be just one thing it could be I want to start going for a walk three times a week for half an hour.

Speaker 2:

That non-negotiable, you know. You could. You could make a deal with somebody that you're going to phone that person as you start that walk. It it really does make such a difference, doesn't it? And also, probably, like you and I although we don't, you know, have a specific thing that we hold each other accountable for. We hold each other accountable to this for a start, to our monday motivations every week, and also we hold each other accountable, kind of in our businesses, like we've had many conversations about our businesses and you know, keeping each other going and making sure that the other one doesn't give up when we've wanted to, and all of that kind of stuff, and that in itself is accountability. So I could wang on about this for three hours, but I won't.

Speaker 1:

Yes, um, so yeah, and yes to all of that and accountability. It totally works for me as well, and so many different ways. What I would say, though and I think particularly important to say at this time of year when everybody's kind of trying to do maybe you know it's, it's like it almost can be like a reset time to start something new is to really almost take a step back and think about the thing. It is that you want to do. So, for example, if it is something like a morning routine, if it is getting up in the morning and it is more morning routine, really start to think about why is it you want to do it? What is the driver? What is the energy that is coming you are coming at it with? So? Is it because you want some space for you? Amazing. If that's, if that's your, your motivator, it's the time to get some things done for you.

Speaker 1:

We all need, in my opinion, to spend more time with ourselves and doing the things that we love, that's absolutely fantastic. And if it's coming from that place and you've got a really positive energy behind it, if you're coming at it with the energy of like I really ought to be getting up earlier because I really ought to be working my body out and you really don't want to be doing it, but you're coming from that should or ought to energy. Then, to be honest, it's going to be bloody hard and you're going to white knuckle your way through it and you're probably not going to stick with it, even if you have that account. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean I just don't think you're going to you're going to enjoy any part of it. So I think, first of all, you've got to be really super clear on the energy behind what the thing is you want to do so, for example, when I wanted to run a marathon, I wanted to run a marathon because it was just something on my bucket list I really wanted to do. It wasn't a should or a could, but I bloody needed so much accountability for that because it was still really hard for that, because it was still really hard and so. But if I had not really wanted doing it I was doing it because I ought to or someone told me I should then I just know I would not, even with accountability, I think I would have really really been miserable and not done it. I hope that kind of makes some sort of sense. I think that's a really important thing. Make sure you've got the good energy behind it and that's going to allow you to rely less on motivation altogether, because you actually want to do it.

Speaker 1:

And in terms of the accountability, yes, there is lots of different sorts of accountability. You can be self-accountable, so I'm quite good at that. It's like I can get myself a list or a chart or a plan and it's like right, it's a commitment to yourself, I'm going to stick to that plan. It's like this self-accountability. I do this a lot with training like exercise or whatever. I stick with it. With training like exercise or whatever, I stick with it, and what that does every time you do it and I suppose this is with any sort of accountability, but I think particularly with self-accountability is that you are proving to yourself that you can trust yourself and you you're building that relationship of trust with yourself.

Speaker 1:

If you let yourself down, what's that saying? It's like well, I don't follow through anything, I don't trust myself, and that's going to sort of trickle out into other areas of your life and you're going to start giving up. But actually, by following it through and doing the thing, you build this incredible trust and and then that just fuels you and makes you feel so good with yourself. And then, obviously, if you've got accountability with somebody else, whether that's going to meet them to go and do something, it's someone calling you to to hold you accountable again. That's a trust with not just yourself but with that other person as well. And again, if you break that trust with the other person, again that's going to trickle into other areas of your life.

Speaker 1:

So it's so powerful in that sense if, when you stick to it, you're building all these really amazing qualities which are going to just filter out everywhere else. Um, so yeah, I think, um, I think that's an important part. And the other thing I wanted to say was I also think, in order to do something which you want to do but which you find difficult, say that's getting up earlier in the morning and, by the way, you know, you and I love our morning routines. I love a morning routine because it means that I get to have that quality time to myself. But you might be someone who might find that quality time in the middle of the day or the end of the day. You know, it's up to you where you find that.

Speaker 1:

But it's about being able to embrace the discomfort and change your relationship with that discomfort, because life has loads of areas in it which are just, which are not comfortable.

Speaker 1:

Yes, it's nice to have a heated house and a warm bed and shelter shelter and all of those things which make us more comfortable but actually, again, our relationship with discomfort.

Speaker 1:

If we can improve that and accept that that's going to be there, then we are so much more likely to follow through on the things which make it a little bit uncomfortable, but the things we actually know are going to ultimately enhance our lives. Then it's going to. We're going to rely less and less on motivation and I think the more that we can rely less on motivation, the more likely we are to follow through on our goals, because motivation is something which comes and go. We can't rely on it. If we can just build in these, this, this belief and this understanding, that gosh, it is going to be really. There are going to be times where I don't want to do it, but actually every time that comes up, say to yourself but actually it's an opportunity to prove to myself that I can do it and once I've done the thing, I'm going to feel greater. It's going to strengthen my relationship with myself and it all works. It's just being prepared for that discomfort.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, totally Completely. I completely agree. And, in fact, one thing that I think might help in this and this morning was a good example actually in my own life. So I have been listening to affirmations for years. I think affirmations are amazing, but I don't speak them out because I think, you know, I just knew when I started using affirmations that it was really unlikely that I was going to stand in front of the mirror every morning and go. I am enough, I am worthy, I am fucking wonderful. But listening to affirmations in your own voice is actually really effective and I've been using them to basically rewire my brain for several years now.

Speaker 2:

But the reason I bring this up now in terms of what you were saying is because, um, when it comes to you know and just go just picking up on what you're saying about holding yourself accountable, like, like you so rightly say, when you do the things that you say that you're going to do, it makes you feel good about yourself. It may, it gives you confidence. And when you don't do the things you say you're going to do, it makes you feel good about yourself. It may, it gives you confidence. And when you don't do the things you say you're going to do. It makes you feel like shit about yourself. And the reason I bring up affirmations is because in my affirmations that I've just recorded, I've added a bit about, um, my strength training and my exercise routine every day. And, long story short, I've basically said you know, I am so pleased with myself because I always start with I am I am so pleased with myself that I have stuck to my three times a week strength training and rebounding. I'm so proud of myself that I've stuck to my exercise routine, you know, three or four times a week, because now I feel like my body is really strong. Because now I feel like my body is really strong, I feel like my body is back to what it used to be because, as you know, I've put on loads of weight and menopause and I want to get rid of it because it doesn't feel like me. And I just basically talked about this particular thing that I want to be able to wear. That makes me feel like me and blah blah. And I've put this in my affirmations. And the reason I'm mentioning this is because just having that reminder, just listening to my affirmations in the morning and saying I'm so pleased that I've done this, then any part of me that didn't want to get on my rebounder and didn't want to pick up those weights which, of course, I fucking didn't. I hate, I hate having to exercise, I hate it. But because I'd said this in my affirmations, it reminded me and made me think, yes, I am going to do this, this. It's almost like we have to tell ourselves I know I don't want to do this and I know this is going to be hard, but I'm going to freaking well, do it anyway, because I know how much good it's going to do me down the line. And again, it's. It's putting that sort of coin in your confidence bank, because when you do the thing that you say you're going to do, you feel so much better and of course it's not going to be easy.

Speaker 2:

And you talk about the discomfort is such a kind of valid point, because you know none of us want to do the things that are uncomfortable. None of us do. You know we don't want to, but we. But if we want to improve our lives and if we want to live the kind of best possible life that we can, we have to do those things, because in order to, in order to be successful in anything. We simply have to embrace the fact that there's going to be shit bits, we're going to feel annoyed that we have to do this, it's going to feel like a slog and all the rest of it. But when we understand that and we understand that that discomfort is absolutely part of it, then it can kind of spur us on and we can. Yeah, you know, like you say, we have to get used to feeling uncomfortable, and you and I have talked about discomfort before on Thursday Thoughts, you know we've talked about how important it is to embrace discomfort and understand that it's something that we just need to get used to in our lives if we want to get anywhere and if we want to improve our lives because if we stay in our comfort zone, we ain't moving anywhere we're going to stay exactly where we are, and if exactly where we are is exactly where we want to be, then awesome.

Speaker 2:

But for most of us, there are things that we want to change and there are things that we want to do more of or less of. They're things that we want to achieve if we're honest with ourselves. So, yeah, embracing that discomfort is so incredibly important. But yeah, just back to the affirmations. I highly recommend recording affirmations that you know when it comes to routines and habits. Add in something about the habits that you want to Like. For example, you could say I am so grateful that I've started drinking two liters of water a day, fully hydrated, because just by reminding yourself when you listen to your affirmations first thing in the morning, you're more likely to actually implement whatever routine or habit it is that you're trying to implement.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know, exactly, I love that. And also, um, when we have a routine, actually what it's doing, it's saving our brain space, our mental capacity. These days we are so mentally overloaded with so much information, you know, we're just constantly consuming, consuming, consuming, and sometimes it just can feel a lot. But if we actually have a really good routine of all the things that we we really want to do, which we know are going to be good for us and for me, that is in the morning, because if I don't do it in the morning, I don't, I don't do it. But it's an opportunity to have time to myself, to do the things I want to do, to connect to myself, to understand myself. Nowadays it's very difficult to find space and time to really know yourself and I think if you don't know yourself, then everything in life becomes much harder and I think so many of us have become so disconnected from ourselves anyway. But that's, for me, is what, what's so important in the morning. But if it's a routine and if you literally don't have to think about what you're gonna do, you're just freeing up brain space and brain capacity and you just go through the motions. It's like how often do you really think about cleaning your teeth in the morning? You don't, because it's just a, it's an automatic uh thing that you do. So I believe that actually some of these routines are really, really beneficial when they are just a literally that routine. I don't think routine is good in every part of our lives, because actually sometimes I think it's good to break the routine and pattern disrupt, because actually then things can come a bit stale. Want which we might find difficult or uncomfortable, which we want to really install. Those are good things to become routined um into our day. Um, and you can. There's so many techniques that you can use. You can have it stacked. So, for example, if you are cleaning your teeth, uh, and you're you're really short on time, this could be a really good opportunity to be really mindful for two minutes while you're brushing your teeth, really focusing on what you're doing. If you're washing your hands, focus on what you're, on the feel of the water, you could do some squats while you're waiting for the kettle to boil. It's kind of habit. Stacking is such a powerful way of starting a new habit and go, so your brain goes right. Well, when I clean my teeth, I am mindful for two minutes. When the kettle boils, I am going to to squat, and so that just gets your brain into it to thinking oh, this is when I do, this is when I do that thing, and it becomes a proper habit.

Speaker 1:

Um, putting it in your diary. So my um, inner space, membership, breath work three times a week mondays to friday, monday, wednesday, fridays 7 30. Every friday I send an email out to my members saying right, here's the link look at your diary next week and book it in. Book it in now. Sign up to the ones you're going to come to. Book it in now.

Speaker 1:

If you're going to do a recording, put it in your diary now so you are accountable against yourself. Make it a non-negotiable and with all these things, it's what you is, how much weight and how much priority you give to it. If it's important to you, put it in the diary and make it a non-negotiable. If you don't do that and you don't prioritize it, then you're going to go oh well, I'll just have another half an hour in bed, or oh well, oh, my husband said that he wants to do that, or my and, and it doesn't matter because I can cover for the kids or whatever that is. It's like. No, it's in the diary. You have an appointment, that is your time. Okay, things might crop up, but if you can keep that appointment with yourself because we're so good at just going, oh, it doesn't really matter when it's something which is for you, something which, but ultimately it does matter, it's important. So make it important, make it a priority.

Speaker 1:

We've all got the same amount of time, yeah, but it's what you prioritize is what you know you could say to somebody oh, but you're so lucky you've got more time than me, or you don't have this or no, we've all got stuff going on. What are you going to make a priority?

Speaker 2:

put it in and keep to it and, on that note, actually, um, when it comes to priorities, you're so right. We all have the same amount of time and we can all say I'm too busy for this, I'm too busy for that, but you know what the truth is, that we will do what we want to do, and a good example in my own life is, as you know, I started a second freaking podcast and I'm already like we all are. I'm already very busy and I have a lot on. However, um, I'm doing this podcast with two friends it's called three single women for any of the singles listening to this or watching this but basically, um, when my friend Pip messaged me to ask if I'd be up for it or be interested, I was like hell, yes, guess why? Because I want to. It really does boil down to what we want to do. We will say that we do not have time for the things that we don't actually want to do. The things that we actually do want to do. We will find the time. It is as simple as that, and I just want to say about, um, you know. So, going back to the podcast, like I could have easily said no, no, you know, it would have been completely valid if I'd said there's no fucking way. I've got time for this in my life, but I didn't because I want to do it. So it was just a yes and I knew, even though it was like, oh my god, what am I doing? I know, rather, I know that I will find the time. I will find the time because we do all have 24 hours in the day. It's just we've got to ask ourselves how we're using them.

Speaker 2:

And to go back to what you were saying about the habit stacking thing, I love habit stacking because there are so many ways that we can make these, we can implement these habits into our lives and these routines easier by using habit stacking. For example, if you want to do a um, if you want to listen to affirmations, you know why not listen to them in your headphones when you go for your walk first thing in the morning, or whenever you know. There are so many ways. And, like you say, the brushing your teeth, you could be listening to affirmations while you're brushing your teeth. Um, you could be drinking your first half a liter of water whilst you're waiting for the kettle to boil for your coffee. There are so many ways that we can suck up those habits. But just going back to accountability again, really it is, it's. It's actually. Polly, I was going to ask you, when it came to your marathon, what did you do for accountability? How did you hold yourself accountable, or were you holding yourself accountable to somebody else when you did your marathon?

Speaker 1:

so the first thing I did is I told I put it out on Instagram that I was going to run a marathon, and I think I also said it on my podcast that I was going to run a marathon. So I had that wider accountability, I'd put it out there. So it was a bit like, oh shit, I've said it, now I'm going to have to do it. And then that was sort of on a broader scale. I did also have Giles, my husband, who was doing it too. So we are very good at keeping each other accountable. He really is brilliant for me because he's incredibly motivated to exercise and he's very motivated to exercise and he's very disciplined, very, very disciplined. So he's a brilliant accountability partner. And also, as well as that, I had my training plan printed out on paper. I had it on my literally on my desk at all times so I could see it and as I would go, I would tick off. Each time, each training session, I would tick it off, and it gave me so much joy. Every time I could tick one off and get closer and closer. So that was. I had three different ways of being accountable for that which I needed, and I was so chuffed, I was so happy I did it. I and in fact, I loved the training process, although it was hard. I still really.

Speaker 1:

So that's the thing you can love something and find it really difficult. You know it's actuality. It's it which lots of people said my god, did you really enjoy going on these runs? It's like, well, maybe there were parts of it, yes, which were really bloody hard, but I loved that feeling afterwards of like I've done it, and even when it was pissing it down with rain. So that's what you need to remember it can be hard, but it can also be really, really enjoyable and you can, and it, just as you say, builds that confidence in within you that you can do hard things and that just then spurs you on. It builds your resilience, yeah, and also I would say I mean so Giles today.

Speaker 1:

So he's totally motivated um to exercise, but he's been having a few, quite a few, niggles and injuries recently. So he, for the first time in his life and it starts today he has signed up with a well, it's like a group coaching program. He found it on instagram, he got it was brilliant, obviously brilliant marketing, because he totally targeted over 50s people who want to run, do endurance running and he's decided that he's going to sign up to that and he's got that sort of accountability to train and probably learn how to train in a slightly different way, which is going to allow him to to train better and smarter. But I think that's another thing to mention is that sometimes it's good to pay, it's good to invest in yourself in a coach in somebody who can, who knows what they're talking about, who can keep that accountability.

Speaker 1:

So I have at the moment I've got quite a few um breath clients, clients who are learning to breathe, breathe better, to help with anxiety, to help reduce anxiety, to help with various different issues, issues, and each week we meet and that means that each week I'm going to say to them at the beginning of each session, say, have you got on, what have you done the exercises I gave you? And they always say, because they know that they're going to meet me, they do the work. And it's the same with my coaching when I've done my menopause coaching. They do the work because they know otherwise they've got to come and say to me no, I haven't. And I'm going to ask why, um and so, and, and that is so important.

Speaker 1:

And often when us, our time together finishes, they always go oh my gosh, now, now, what do I do? Because I don't have that accountability. It's so powerful. So sometimes it is worth investing because you can have three. I always say eight weeks to three months is a brilliant time to really embed some new behaviors into your life absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I couldn't agree more like investing in our, investing in ourselves. Like, if you need to pay, if you can, and you need to pay for accountability, then do that. And because that is gonna is it's going to, um, make you freaking, do it, like you say, when you know, when your clients don't do it, they have to tell you that they haven't done it. And that is the, you know, probably the best way, especially when and also when you're paying money, then you're more, when you are investing in yourself and you're actually, you know, putting freaking skin in the game. You're so much more likely to do the thing that you said you're going to do.

Speaker 2:

So, you know, I know it's not possible for everyone, but again, we've got to prioritize. Where are we putting our money? Are we just, you know, pissing a whole load of money up the wall on pints in the pub or another meal out or another, you know, jumper, or whatever it is? You know it's about prioritizing the things that are important to you, but all I know is that when I do the things that are important to me, they're incredibly uncomfortable. I feel good about myself, like and and I always, always comes back to doing morning routines, because you and I both know how amazing they are and how, like, when I do my morning routine, I feel like myself. I feel like myself. You know, it's as simple as that. When I don't do it, I don't feel like myself, I feel like shit. So it's, it's incredible how and and when you get that accountability and you do the goddamn thing, then you are going to feel so much better about yourself. And who the hell doesn't want that? We all want that.

Speaker 2:

So try, you know, either, like you say, you can hold yourself accountable by posting something on Instagram about something, talked about something to a friend or, you know, in Thrive Selling my membership, I've talked about something, because that is a way of holding yourself accountable or you can actually find an account. I mean accountability buddies are priceless. So, again, going back to what I said at the very beginning, you know you can find someone. It doesn't have to be somebody in your immediate life, a family member or a friend who, you see, it can be somebody you've met online or on a course, or somebody you know vaguely. Just think about the person who, who might be interested in doing the thing that you want to do, and reach out to them like what harm can it do? They might just say, yes, and if you get accountability, it's going to change your goddamn life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So on that note, I think we've got quite a lot to say on this subject yeah, yeah, yeah, it's nine, it's 9 30, so we can bring it to a close.

Speaker 2:

But, um, thanks everybody who watched, slash, listened and hopefully this has been helpful. Yeah, I'll see you next week. God knows what we're talking about next month, we'll, we'll, we'll find out at about half eight on the day probably perfect.

Speaker 1:

Thanks everybody. See you later. Bye.