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#107: Grief, Design & Midlife with DIY SOS's Gabby Blackman

• Polly Warren • Episode 107

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In this episode, I’m joined by my very good friend and talented designer Gabby Blackman, best known for her incredible work on BBC One’s DIY SOS.

As well as talking about her experience and brilliant work on DIY SOS, Gabby also shares her deeply personal story, including the devastating loss of her son and how this life-altering experience continues to shape her perspective on both life and work.

I'm deeply grateful for her honesty and vulnerability and hope that this conversation might offer some comfort and insight to anyone who has faced the loss of a child or a miscarriage.

✨ In this episode, we discuss:

  • The profound impact of losing a child and navigating grief
  • How loss has informed Gabby’s outlook and creative drive
  • The power of design in creating sanctuary-like spaces for families in crisis
  • Coping with and recovering from stress
  • Practical tips for designing functional, stress-free spaces for all homes
  • Finding joy and self-acceptance in the aging process

This episode is a heartfelt blend of vulnerability, practical advice, and uplifting encouragement. Gabby’s story and insights remind us of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of creating spaces—both physical and emotional—that nurture healing, joy, and connection.💕

If you'd like to submit a design 'challenge' for Gabby to give her expert advice on, send a photo and brief message outlining the challenges to @msgabrielleblackman on Instagram. 

https://www.instagram.com/msgabrielleblackman/
https://www.gabrielleblackman.com/

Book your FREE Inner Space session at pollywarren.com/theinnerspace and discover the calm clarity you’ve been craving. 

To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Speaker 1:

Are you, like me, riding the roller coaster of midlife and menopause and eager to live the life you've always wanted? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self-doubt? Well, it's time to stress less and shine more. It's time to ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance. It's never too late to take charge of your health and happiness, and you're certainly not too old and, in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that. Join me each week for inspiring stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can, so that you can create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love. So, when you're ready, let the beautiful menomorphosis begin. Hello, and welcome back to Menomorphosis. I hope you're doing really, really well. Thank you for joining me.

Speaker 1:

As I record this, we are halfway through January 2025 and my son, my eldest, has gone back to university. He's just gone back this week. So for any of you parents out there who also have your kids going back to uni, my heart goes out to you. I'm still not getting great at saying goodbye. I'm definitely better than I was in the first year. So he's midway through his second year, but it always feels like, um, yeah, a bit of a gap in in the family, but anyway, I've pulled on my big girl's pants, I'm getting on with it and really enjoying some beautiful, sunny, cold, fresh January days. So I hope that you are not feeling doom and gloom about being in middle of January in winter, getting outside, getting that fresh air and really taking good care of yourself, because it's a great opportunity, I think, january to really hunker down, get cozy, but also really start to install some good habits, healthy habits, into every day. Just little things like getting outside, moving your body, breathing correctly these things really can make a big difference to how you feel on these dark days. Okay, let's move on to this week's episode.

Speaker 1:

I am so excited today to introduce you to my very good friend, gabby Blackman. Now, you may well know Gabby Blackman as the designer one of her main designers on the BBC One show, diy SOS. This show without doubt makes me sob every time I watch it. It has such a heart and soul and if you haven't seen it, I really do urge you to go check it out. Basically, what happens is a team of builders, decorators, designer and volunteers loads of volunteers come together to help families in need by renovating or even rebuilding their homes, and the goal is to transform the living spaces to improve the lives of these families who are facing extremely difficult circumstances, and Gabby goes in and designs them the most brilliant, brilliant places spaces to live.

Speaker 1:

And I'm so grateful for Gabby coming on the show today because not only is she a designer a brilliant designer but she can seriously relate so well to these families in need because she herself has experienced a huge amount in her own life, which she so vulnerably shares with me today, and I'm very, very grateful for that. We, of course, chat also about design. Gabby gives some hints and tips about how to make your space work as well as possible for you. We, of course, talk about midlife and how we feel about ourselves as we're getting older. Gabby also shares about how it's been for her suddenly being thrust into the public eye and going to red carpet events. So there is so much in this episode and it's been such a joy because Gabby and I, as I said, we grew up together, we shared school lifts together, we went on holiday together as teenagers. We've had a lot of funny experiences throughout our lives and it was such a joy to have her on the podcast. So, without further ado, please welcome the absolutely gorgeous Gabby Blackman. Welcome to Menomorphosis, gabby Blackman.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my God, I can't believe it. It's so lovely to see your beautiful face. I'm so excited to be here, polly, it's great and it's lovely to see you in professional mode because we're very old friends aren't we?

Speaker 1:

we we are. We've known each other for pretty much all of our lives. Yeah, living up and down the road from each other. And um, yeah, it's been so fun to watch, to watch you grow on your professional journey, and um, and yeah, it's, it's been really really lovely, gabe. So. I'm so happy that you're here talking to me on Men in Warfars.

Speaker 2:

I'm so happy to be here. I'm so proud of what you're doing. I think it's so important, and it's been. You know I've loved watching your progress as well.

Speaker 1:

Thanks, darling, thank you. Thank you, let's dive in. So you a lot of our listeners probably know you and have seen you on the amazing BBC program DIY SOS as their chief designer this show is. It makes me cry every single time. I watch it because it has such a heart and soul to it. Before we kind of chat a little bit about that, I'd love you to just tell everybody a bit about what you were you doing before that show and how did you come to be doing it yeah, it's.

Speaker 2:

It was a sort of crazy thing really, because none of it was a plan, um. But um, yeah, I went to art college, was training to be an artist. I then um sort of fell into interior design because I realised I wanted to do something that was more with a team, with other people, and I worked for some incredible interior designers in London just at a very junior level and trained and really kind of cut my teeth in working for some amazing designers doing some really wonderful, wonderful houses, and then I ended up doing yacht design of all things. So I was working kind of in the 90s and noughties for doing crazy like massive super yachts for sort of basically bad guys that must have been so much fun it's just mad.

Speaker 2:

I was just like what is happening? You know sort of people with where are the bodyguards going to sleep and radar to get rid of. I mean, it was just everything you can imagine about super yachts. It was all happening. Brilliant, brilliant, crazy world, yeah. So working at basically the top is top end residential or doing yachts, and then living in London, everything felt like a kind of constant upward progress. You know that time in your life when you're in your 30s and you feel kind of invincible and then everything sort of changed. Um, I had a child, I had my beautiful daughter, cece.

Speaker 1:

um, and then went back to work and then, um, I got pregnant again and everything, just my whole life, changed basically overnight this is, I mean games, if you're happy to discuss this, and I think this might be something which actually could be really useful for people listening, particularly if someone who's listening has lost a child or lost someone really really close to them, because, well, maybe you could just tell me what happened. So you had a beautiful little boy, gus, yeah, yeah, uh. So after you had Cece, so you had Cece was a how old at this time? Cece?

Speaker 2:

was nearly two, yeah, and then, and then I had my son and again it was this time. I remember. I look back now on the photographs and I remember thinking, done it, yeah, my babies, I'm gonna, you know, get back to work. Really smash it at work, everything felt. I can't really explain it, but it was this sort of like just progress.

Speaker 1:

You just yeah you're doing what you're doing the things you plan to have done yeah, we had a little flat in London.

Speaker 2:

We thought, oh, maybe we can afford a bigger place, and you know, everything felt like you just go in this direction.

Speaker 2:

And then, um, and when my son was really small, we realized very quickly that things were not okay and um, and then it became clear and he was a massive baby, you know, everything was everything, there was a moment when I remember thinking everything's perfect and then it turned out it was not perfect at all and he was actually very, very unwell and had a very rare heart defect called hyperplastic left heart, which is, you know, a sort of one in a million problem, um, which means that the left side of the heart was not properly formed, um and uh, it required very, very serious surgery, you know, open heart surgery, with a very difficult prognosis, and that was because he was still such a teeny baby at that point wasn't he?

Speaker 1:

how old was he?

Speaker 2:

he was. He was just well.

Speaker 1:

We found out pretty much immediately, within a week of him being born, so he was such a tiny baby with that massive heart surgery and uh, yeah, it was, it was just, and then really just everything.

Speaker 2:

I can only really explain. It's just like just falling down the trap door literally just everything that I thought was part of me and part of my life just all just disappeared. It was just a horrendous time, um, and I can't really. You know, I don't really talk about it hardly ever really, because it's just, it's it's so difficult to, because when do you talk about these things? You can't really, because it's just not, it's not good chat, it's not like you can't really do it to somebody, you can't just sort of and I think maybe a lot of women have felt this when you say you know how many children do you have?

Speaker 2:

or yeah how many you know you? You have those chats and sometimes occasion I say or you know it, but you can't, you can't, you can't find the words really.

Speaker 1:

I mean it is the worst thing that can possibly happen, you know, losing a child, I, I honestly, you know, just it is the worst thing that can happen as a, as a parent, oh and um, yeah, I mean I, I wonder, gabes, through this, because you did go on and you had your beautiful bee, yeah, um, but during this, you know, know what was the impact? Because I can't imagine, but what was that impact it had on you and your family? Obviously it was huge, but also on the wider family. I mean, I don't know if you can, you know it was sort of surreal horror.

Speaker 2:

Uh, because when you realize, yeah, gus had lots of operations, he had lots of very clever people trying to help him and could have helped him. You know, things could have been okay or not okay, but things could have been. He could have still been alive today had he not been very unlucky. Um, but he, his life would have been extremely challenging. So he would have needed a heart transplant when he was eight, he would have needed constant to be constantly wrapped in cotton wool and for us to be very careful, and he would have been very vulnerable to infections and all sorts of problems.

Speaker 2:

So his prognosis was very tricky but there was a sort of way forward with a lot of complicated surgery and my father, my father was a doctor and he was so devastated not to be able to fix it. You know my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah, he desperately wanted to be able to make it okay and it was not. The IYSOS with such insane energy and conviction is that, like, shit can just happen and it's not anyone's fault and it's not anybody's. Everybody did their best and these things can just happen. And, uh, and you never think you're going to be that, you never think that's going to happen.

Speaker 2:

And in many ways, I think of myself as lucky because, although my beautiful son had a really tough life and he didn't make it, he, uh, and he suffered a lot when he was alive because they had to do lots of really difficult things in hospital, um, but he, everybody wanted it to be okay and everybody did their best. Um, there was no, there was no other way. You know, we tried everything, I suppose, but yeah, it was, and it bloody puts everything into perspective, mm-hmm, and I suppose, in the effect on me and my family, was that, in his honor, we do try and, yeah, we do have that sense of perspective. I was going to say we don't sweat the small stuff. But we totally do sweat.

Speaker 2:

Remember at one point, thinking I'm just going to become a saint and just worry about anything. It's going to be amazing. Of course, within about two days I was like no, but it, you, still I, I, of course, you know I. I haven't transformed into some completely different person, but I, I, it definitely. Um has given me a sense of, for some mad reason, I'm here and he's not. I still don't understand why that is, and it feels the wrong way around, completely the wrong way around. But for whatever reason I am, I'm certainly not going to waste it and or take it for granted.

Speaker 1:

You're certainly not doing that In terms of you, when you said, gabes, that you don't talk about it because it's not something you bring up, do you? I mean, is there any space you give yourself to go there and I'm so grateful that you have here today, because do you find it helps talking about him or and the the situation, or do you kind of feel it's more useful to put it in a little box and lock it away? I don't know. I mean, I don't know until you're in that situation, what you know. I suppose it's your best way you find to deal with the grief and with the sadness.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, and I think I'm a bit of a people pleaser, which has been a problem in my life, and I think I'm too aware of other people's emotions. So I feel embarrassed, I feel, gosh, this is going to be a lot if I go there. Gosh, this is this is going to be a lot if I, if I go there and will will it be uncomfortable for somebody else? Or um, so, yeah, I, I mean it's lovely to talk about him because, yeah, yeah, he did exist and he was a little sweetheart, yeah yeah, so that's nice, because there is this weird thing when you suddenly think, oh, I, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it feels a bit taboo to do that, and I think there's a lot of women out there that will have had, have lost babies or have you know whether it's young babies like mine or you know miscarriages and feel like they can never talk about it again yeah, and I think we need to open that up so that people can talk about it, because talking can it can really help.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes you don't want to, but sometimes actually to face that grief and to face that pain helps you move through it rather than bottling it all up. You know, we do know that any sort of pain or grief, the more you store it up and and don't face it, actually can grow and fester. Yeah, so the more of it. Obviously it can be out is a good thing, but then at the same time you don't want to dwell on something and for it to constantly make it.

Speaker 1:

I suppose it's a very it's just everyone's going to find their own way of coping, but yeah, I suppose it's just important to know that you are able. If you want to talk, it's it's important to be able to do so. Did you find outside help and support useful during that time?

Speaker 2:

I had some counselling about. So, yeah, gus died when he was about five months old and then I had yeah, I had cancer about a year afterwards, which was incredible, because I then got pregnant with my lovely B, with my youngest, and I sort of thought I was OK. But again, this is completely shows you how mad I was at the time. I thought I'm actually fine and then got pregnant and, of, of course, was not fine at all and but I used to do my grieving at night when everyone was asleep, so I would just wake up at two or three in the morning and just, but I was very dark, everything felt very, very dark.

Speaker 2:

And then a lovely friend of mine put me in touch with this amazing counselor called Julia Samuels, who Julia Samuel who I don't know if you know of, but she's on, she's she is incredible and I had four sessions with her and it just changed my life. She was absolutely amazing and really sort of listened to me, made me realize it's not a linear. We don't have a sort of linear recovery pattern, so you can one day be feeling like coping with stuff and then the other day just be incapable of kind of putting a fish cake in the oven or something you know, and that's, that is okay.

Speaker 1:

You're not yeah, you're not losing your mind is there anything which stands out which was particularly helpful? Obviously she was very helpful, but is there any any sort of anything you did or any strategies you could share that anybody you know that some that you found useful for you to help you through that time, that really difficult time, I think the best thing I did which, uh, julia um, encouraged me to do, was and I hate to- say it, but it's exercise.

Speaker 1:

Well, I remember you started running, yeah, and I hate to say it, but it's exercise.

Speaker 2:

Well, I remember you started running, yeah, and I fucking hated every minute of it. It was less shit than grieving for my son. And I trained with this lunatic who, very kindly, he's a friend of mine, called Tom, who's an ex Marine, and he, very sweetly, as a friend, like, cause we had no money, we also. The background to all of this is we lost everything. We lost like jobs, money, everything we had. No, it was just horrendous. I went from like feeling like Mrs Fancy Pants to son dies, lose all money, relationship in tatters. I mean, it was just horrendous times and I think that's what people forget.

Speaker 1:

Is that like a crisis like that, a tragedy like that happens and it but it impacts everything.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, everything. It was just bonkers. It was bonkersly bad, um from being really quite nice and um and yeah, so I went so crazy. Tom just beasted me with an inch of my life and it was just horrific, absolutely horrific. And I remember one time I turned up and there was all sorts of awful sort of sinister stuff going on, like when a child dies. Sorry, this is really dark and I don't. It's fine, they have a, they have a shortage of um. If the child dies in a hospital, you need obviously all the pathology and everything, and they don't have a lot of pathologists that deal with children for some reason, and at that time it took weeks for us to get to get gus's body back weeks, yeah, it's just like it was honestly, it was like a nightmare yeah, stuff like that that you can't, you can't believe.

Speaker 2:

I still can't believe that happened. I forgot about you know, but and I was training with Tom during this time and he, I was just like I can't do it today, I can't do it. This is crazy. I can't even get you know it. And he was so, so he was an ex-marine, so he just went. Well, luckily for you, my next client's cancelled, so we're going to go for a two-hour run. I'm like no, I just want you to be nice to me, give me some cake. What is happening? And he just, he just, but it was two hours. That was so horrific, but I didn't, I couldn't think about anything else, so that that did really it. I think it honestly. I think it saved me, but I hated every minute. I'm not saying I love, I loved it. It was horrible that I bet you felt I bet you felt better afterwards.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I felt like I think it gave and Julia, the amazing um grief coach, she said it. Basically your serotonin is obviously so low. Anything that can up it and doing all the things you want to do, which is just curl up on the sofa and eat a chocolate cake, and it just makes it so much worse.

Speaker 2:

But you know, if you can get out in the fresh air and and that really helped me because I thought I've got another child, I can't, I can't, I can't just completely lose my mind yeah and and that gave me a lot of strength and just thinking that actually also, that that we, we are actually built to survive these traumas as horrendous as that sounds, but it's like we and and, yeah, I just had to get through each day, so that's that really helped yeah, I mean because you had a cc.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there was no, there was no option. You had to just get on. You had to get through the day and oh gaves.

Speaker 1:

I mean so much love and thank you so much for sharing. And if anyone is listening who has experienced this, you know we are hot just to go out to you because it's yeah, as we said, it's something you can't possibly imagine until you're in it, and I think this is what just makes you so amazing at what you do. You know, on DIY SOS, because you have been a family in crisis. You have experienced it firsthand for yourself. You have that capacity to be able to relate to another family in crisis and it just makes you know you have that empathy another family in crisis and it just makes you know you have that empathy, you have you're able to totally be there with them and know what they and kind of have an idea of what they need and what they want.

Speaker 2:

Well, half the time, as you know, every family who's suffering is suffering in different ways, but a lot of it is to do with what we can do.

Speaker 2:

That's so special is you know, we can look at the family as a whole because because one of the massive uh traumas when you have an ill child is the sibling.

Speaker 2:

If, if you're lucky enough to have another child, is that you know that your other child is, is suffering this as well, and I see it so many times with siblings who are helping as carers who are missing out on so many things, and with the best parents in the world.

Speaker 2:

If, if one of your children is ill, your other child you know is is not getting the full ticket that you would, you, you would want to provide, and that guilt on top of it, it's just another layer of shit that people are having to deal with, and I really what I love about DOSOS is we can go in there and we can really focus on the other siblings as well and really make sure they have an amazing bedroom or make sure that they have some space away from the chaos, or, you know, we can really look at it holistically, like who is.

Speaker 2:

And that really helps the parents because they're like, oh you know, I've this big sister's been so brilliant or you know, and it's, it's just something. And the trades totally get it like when you explain to them we're moving this bedroom here because we need to give her some space, and everyone gets it like done. And you see, all this love, all this goodness coming in from the most unlikely sources, like people running their own businesses who are probably struggling financially themselves, giving to us like this, it's, it's absolutely amazing.

Speaker 1:

I love your bedrooms that you do for those kids, for the kids, because you're right, you just make them so special and such a little haven for themselves, but also what you do for the parents as well. You give them that, you give everyone, you. You give everyone the space that they deserve, yeah, and that they need, and, yeah, and, and, and. Oh my gosh, the volunteers are just amazing, aren?

Speaker 2:

aren't they.

Speaker 1:

They are Because they are just there with love, and you know it is all done on volunteers, isn't it? Yeah, and you do it without a budget.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we have no budget and we have no time, but it's just all done with and it really goes to show, like all the stuff, that we you know, most of our media intake is so full of fear, because it's what we're again, we're trying to protect ourselves, aren't we? You think, oh, something terrible's happened. I need to, I need to understand that, I need to see if it's a threat. I need to.

Speaker 2:

You know, and, and I think again, often as parents, we can get really obsessed with this because you think I'm protecting my children by reading more horror stories about online grooming or, you know, whatever it is, whatever it is, that sort of freaks you out and you suddenly get all this stuff feeding into you, particularly now within with with social media. It can kind of funnel into you. But the other truth that is out there is actually people are really lovely and you know I went to a trades day yesterday where we meet all the builders before we start, meet all the trades before we start to build, and we had we put out a call for help for family in Leicester. We had 600 trades who wanted to come and help us and then the the inbox went up to 800 people wow, 800 people who said we'll work for you for nothing for 10 days.

Speaker 2:

That's just family that we don't even know and people supplying flooring and extensions and windows, and you know it's, it's amazing do you find that a lot of those people have their own story themselves, which is what brings them to the build?

Speaker 2:

a lot. A lot of them have come with their own, their own pain, and that sort of comes out as we're working side by side, because, like I said, we're doing a job, that there's cameras floating around but you kind of don't really think about it because you're just in the middle of this hellish, hellish task, which is sort of impossible, but we so we always just get chatting and you find there's normally something going on and it might be right. At the end of the build, somebody suddenly says you know what, what their story is and what's motivated them to be there um, yeah, it's amazing.

Speaker 1:

I mean must be such an incredible energy, all doing this, all doing this amazing thing for this family in crisis. You're all there for the single purpose of getting the job done. No budget based on volunteers.

Speaker 2:

I mean I don't know how you do it, gabes, and with the camera crew floating around sometimes you just think I actually I'm gonna have a breakdown because this is just and we and, of course, like with menopause and everything, bloody, crying all the time, yeah, trying to not forget everything I mean it's just absolute shambles going on. But it's, it's really, and I'm so lucky because, you know, I work with an amazing team. The trades who come to you know they're all on that, everyone's on their a-game. Basically, they all want it to work, so we're all pushing in the same direction. Um, but it's and it's so full of kindness and love. You know it is. It is a really wonderful thing, but it's incredibly hard work. I mean, I'm absolutely broken. After each one, I need to sort of just sit in a cupboard.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and I mean that's so that I would say to you from the work that I do games. I would say you know, how do you manage that stress? Because that must be an intense. You know, as you say, it must be intense.

Speaker 1:

So I would want, I would encourage you, yeah help me out, I would encourage you to find strategies to manage that, because you know and I think you're right you probably do have to go and sit in a dark room afterwards to really just allow your nervous system to reset and and and just reboot. Do you do anything in that time to help you? Just kind of take a moment to reset, to pause, because it's a lot.

Speaker 2:

It is a lot honestly, polly, we probably really genuinely do need your help, because I the hours are crazy and sometimes we work through the night and stuff like that, and it's completely intense. There's never a moment when I somebody doesn't need to ask me something and it's also in a in a sensory way, really, really unpleasant and it's kind of the worst case scenario, because anything you do to help us, please do. Or it's like noise, dirt, dust, something's going wrong every two minutes and and, as you said, and then a camera on your face. When you're looking, you know you look like I. I start to transform into sort of uh, I look a bit more and more like Mick Hucknall.

Speaker 2:

So Bill goes on you look gorgeous, as ever it's just like the hair goes like more and more frizzy, and oh god, it's just horrendous, but it's yeah, yeah, and well, what can I do to not? Well, you can just take it.

Speaker 1:

You could take a few minutes out and do some.

Speaker 1:

Just just go and breathe, literally slow down, just five minutes out, just to breathe gently in out long exhales, just to bring yourself back down.

Speaker 1:

Just because in those, when you're in that real state of full-onness and and everything's happening and everyone's wanting something from you, I'm sure you're running on adrenaline massively, which is which keeps you going, which is why you probably then need to go and sit in a dark room at the end. But actually you won't be thinking as clearly as you could be if you allow yourself just to down regulate a little bit. So just little moments of just taking yourself away, finding a quiet spot and just literally doing some very nice slow, gentle, deep nasal through your nose breathing is going to really help and it it just will help you just to have to re-energize and then not have that feeling that, oh my god, it's, you know it's all just too much, uh, so so it's. It's a real um balance between using that adrenaline but not letting it, kind of not using it, just going solely on that and then you collapse yeah, because that that basically that's.

Speaker 2:

That is what happens, and sometimes if we've done a really a longer project than, say, more than two weeks in that environment, I remember one time we did this whole street of houses for oh, that was amazing veterans and that was incredible, but it was sort of.

Speaker 2:

I think we were on there for nearly three weeks, so I had three weeks of working at that level and I remember I came back and I had to get my kids their school shoes. It was sort of beginning of September and I was just thinking god and I'd done a few nights with no sleep because we were working through the night and I remember thinking maybe I don't even need to sleep. I'd gone completely bonkers by this point. I thought I had so much adrenaline in my body. I thought I've wasted all this time. I could just crack on. I mean this is crazy. And then I came home. I was completely running around like you know, completely hyper, and then took them to the shoe shop. This was sort of probably 24, 48 hours after I'd returned home and then the next thing I remember I was my kids were waking up, just completely falling asleep and start right, just gone, just like mouth open and everything.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, yeah, that was you your body going.

Speaker 2:

You're done. You need to have a rest. Now Malfunctioning, put it back in the cupboard.

Speaker 1:

Oh gosh. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean you, I think, I think, yeah, you're. It's just important that you have that time. If you have periods of intense activity, it's really important just to have that time afterwards to allow yourself to rest and reboot. Yeah, in terms of um, the design, I suppose people listening would go all right, okay. Okay, gabby, on let's kind of um, think about some design. What is the most important thing for any family, would you say, and particularly, I suppose, a family who've got a lot of challenges going on, to help make their lives easier? Because what I love about your designs is that they are to help that family's life be as easy as possible, to make life better. So what are some of the key things that you would recommend?

Speaker 2:

yes. Well, this is very, I think, where I always start, like if you're, if you're at home now feeling really overwhelmed and I think most of us are and you don't need to have an ill child to feel overwhelmed, I think it's just like life is messy and tricky and not perfect and there's this big sort of interior design bullshit that you go to Farrow and Ball and everything's going to be fabulous. It is not, you know what. The most important thing it sorry, farrow and Ball. Actually, farrow and Ball will make everything lovely. But first of all, first of all, we need to start with where are the? Where is the stress coming from? So, you know, you might have young children and or dogs or something, and it might be just like, oh my, where do I, where do I most often end up shrieking? Probably in the hallway, or there's a tiny bathroom that's driving you all mad. It's like you need to get down to the bones of it. You know what is. Where are the pinch points?

Speaker 1:

shoes, shoes, shoes. Yeah, like is has all with you my pinch point shoes. Oh, where do you feel most?

Speaker 2:

full of despair, like when you think I can't do this anymore, so stuff like that. That is almost that is where I always start, you know. So, storage shoes where are you putting your coats? Who lives here? Yeah, what are they doing with their lives? Like, let's actually, just because it's, it's, it is emotional and it's a feeling of overwhelm, yeah, and the most what I really want for my clients because I do a lot of private work, so if my clients and for and for the families I help with SOSs, I want them to think when they shut that front door, okay, you know, I'm home and I'm immediately feeling relaxed.

Speaker 2:

Not, oh, there's an oiling board in the hall or you know, but so the storage is really important and that's something you can. It can, you can get beautiful bespoke solutions with and I work with amazing joiners all the time but also these days there's so much stuff that you can buy freestanding that could really help.

Speaker 1:

Just even sorting your hallway out could be actually quite cheap and simple to start just de-stressing your house, you know, because um, I think that's just so, yeah, so valuable, because it's, you're right, your home is your sanctuary, it's where you, you should feel calm, relaxed, at peace, not a stress point. And, my gosh, I've had, I've had to think out the box, my in the house we've just moved from tiny little narrow Victorian and it was like the shoe situation with three kids. Everyone takes their shoes off when they come in and everyone has at least two pairs of shoes plus football boots and cricket boots or whatever. It's just shoes everywhere. And so trying to get some sort of order and to train them to use that was really really hard, but it does make you feel so good when you have got some sort of order.

Speaker 2:

And to train them to use that was really really hard, but it does make you feel so good when you have got some sort of order going on and it sounds so small but it's massive because actually, in terms of, say, the work you do with breath work, or what we're all trying to do with our lives, it's like basically reduce stress, yes, and so actually these little things are really important and I like to sort of really chip away with with my clients, sort of, okay, if we can solve that problem, and then we go on to the next bit and then suddenly, if we've, you know, got an organized bathroom and you know, but the top layer of beauty, of of colors, and you know, that would be another, another podcast, I think.

Speaker 2:

But if we're dealing with stress reduction in the home, it's really look at, look at the places where you feel most, and I think, I think, but if we're dealing with stress reduction in the home, it's really look at, look at the places where you feel most, and I think, I think particularly a lot of women feel really overwhelmed and also really angry. It's like, oh, you know, and to take that away.

Speaker 2:

Wouldn't that be amazing. And it can be fixed.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly good cupboards and a bit of yeah, good cupboards where you can shove things in and you don't have to look at them is really really good. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2:

I, um, yeah, I appreciate that and places, but, yeah, spaces as well for admin. You know, I think, again, a lot, of, a lot of people work from home now and all this sort of stuff and we kind of often don't really properly acknowledge that and say, actually I do need a space for me because, again it's you know, you're not getting the privacy and and giving it the space it deserves. But I think, yeah, really give every room a job and that will make sure everything's actually properly being used and even if you know you're you're you've only got two or three rooms to live in, really sort of zone them out. So, no matter how small and I really learned this from doing yacht design a small space can still be amazing and that's why I do, I love doing small rooms for kids. They can be the best room in the world, they can be the best room in the house, it doesn't matter. Space in a way doesn't matter, you just need to use it right and I think that's right.

Speaker 1:

You know, with so many of us working from home now, even if you don't have a separate room to work in, it's so important just for your mental capacity to be able to know that that is where you work. Even if it's a space in your bedroom, to be able to sort of have a zone that that's your space to work, so that when you step away from it and you shut your laptop, that's it, it's done, and otherwise we just never turn ourselves off. You know, going back to that stress, we just never turn ourselves off. You know, going back to that stress, we just never, ever turn off, and that is not good for our health either. So, yes, good advice, gabe.

Speaker 2:

And there's so much that you can do with just. But yeah, start with the sources of stress and try and solve them. Just simple and even just little, little bits of progress. You'll be amazed about how much better you feel, you know.

Speaker 1:

And those are things you can do without getting loads of builders in. Yeah, I think that's it. It's about being able to to chip off the little bits, not get, because I it can be really overwhelming when you've got a shitload to do, yeah with your house and you think, feel like you're never making progress, but actually just like chipping away at the small yeah, small stressful things is the most important thing. I wanted to just ask you about sort of getting older, as this podcast is called Metamorphosis and it's about midlife, how do you feel about getting older? Do you feel like, do you feel more wise? Do you enjoy getting older? How do you feel about it? I'm not sure I feel more wise. Do you enjoy getting?

Speaker 2:

older. How do?

Speaker 2:

you feel about it. I'm not sure I feel more wise. I'm definitely aware of lots of things that I don't know. Every day is a school. I feel like I'm learning. I feel like I'm learning huge amounts, actually, and I love that. Every day I feel like I'm learning and in my job, stuff happening all the time. So I love that. Working with big teams of people and good things, I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin and I know that's a cliche, but I feel I accept myself now. I spent so many years not feeling that I looked like other people. I spent so many years hating myself and I just said what the?

Speaker 2:

what was that all about?

Speaker 1:

oh, I know I know we do.

Speaker 2:

I mean, that's my only regret. I waste a lot of time, yeah, sort of wishing I was a completely different kind of person and it was so silly really it is, you know, but that's.

Speaker 1:

It's just the social conditioning we're brought up in and, like you, have to look this certain way, you have to be this kind of person and actually, once you realize that you are pretty bloody amazing as you are and all the skills and talents that you have and how unique we all are, then it's okay to be you and to step into your, into your bigness and your brilliance. And it took me a long time as well to really feel comfortable in my own skin and really yeah, I mean that isn't that so funny?

Speaker 2:

because I was, I always wanted to. You know, we've known each other since we were babies. I've always wanted to look like you and just, oh my god, polly's. So you know, but it's so funny, isn't it? And you think actually, and it's really mad, like what, what were we all doing? What we're all doing?

Speaker 1:

and and that's the biggest gift I think we can give our children is just to just to say to them you are unique and you are beautiful. You are gorgeous, you are clever. You might not be school smart, but you've got so many other talents and skills. Just be, you know. We're all here for. It'd be boring if we're all the same can imagine if we were all exactly the same, how dull this planet would be. So I agree, and I think you know as we get to midlife. I think that is the one thing which is really, which is the real positive. It's like gosh, I'm just gonna be me. You give less fucks about everything else or anybody else or what people think.

Speaker 2:

You just do the best job that you possibly can and a bit kinder to you, I suppose a bit kind. I mean it's sort of very strange for me doing telly, because that was the last thing I ever thought I would do and I nearly had so many breakdowns about it. But the amazing thing about working in construction is completely male-dominated. I mean, I so rarely meet another woman at work. It's ridiculous. But I really learnt from being in this totally male environment how we I think I was judging myself so harshly but men in general weren't thinking that at all and I suddenly realized that I think because I come from a sort of all-girls school in this very I'd sort of assumed all these things. And then you, you see how my colleagues at work are with their wives and friends and and, and they don't think like just as much as we don't expect every man to have a kind of six-pack and, yeah, look like a you know, a marvel superhero they don't I mean it's sort of like it's just silly.

Speaker 2:

I don't know what was going on in my head that I thought I suppose it was social conditioning at the time and people were really. But when we were growing up it was brutal. It was absolutely brutal about weight and stuff.

Speaker 1:

I, I mean I so in terms of being on the telly, that I know that. That for you, that really played on your mind initially about not not looking a certain way and not being this or that, but actually I mean, have you let that go now have? Have you just released that?

Speaker 2:

I've let it go as much as I think I can. I think I still get like oh anxious about it or think, oh God, I look terrible there, why wasn't I? But you know, I'm doing a job and I just think.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry, I'm building a house.

Speaker 2:

The more scary stuff is red carpety things.

Speaker 1:

Yes, so, yes, so how's that been? I mean, that's just, that's just, nuts winning a BAFTA, going to the BAFTAs, all that sort of thing. Oh the bloody.

Speaker 2:

BAFTAs. I can't tell you, I was wearing like I just didn't even. It was such a sort of surprise. And then I'm so busy as well, I don't give, I don't give it the time, and like, I know people that work in fashion and one of them came up to me and said, for god's sake, can you just let me sort you out, because this is ridiculous, because I just sort of panic and think, oh, that'll do, or I'll get a dress, an old dress that I've worn a couple of times. And oh yeah, there's so many hideous photos about the red carpet, awkwardness and also standing like this, you know, which is don't ever do that, you know, it's just like it's horrifying the whole thing. But I'm kind of calmer now and I do know that you, you need help in those situations don't, and maybe just try and, and next time you go in for it just go bloody hell.

Speaker 1:

I'm just gonna actually really enjoy it. I know, and just you know, this is me. I can't believe I'm here yeah, madness, absolute madness.

Speaker 2:

I mean I've only, I've only I've done a few red carpety things completely by accident, and I'm arriving there with my lovely guys that I work with, who are all builders. We're like what the hell are we doing here?

Speaker 2:

we're gonna have the best night ever, and we're just going to go, benedict Cumberbatch standing next to what the hell? I mean, it's ridiculous that we were ever invited to any of those things. So we feel like it's just hilarious but quite tense making us. I think you do feel the scrutiny, but luckily I'm so like not, yeah, it's, it's. I just try and think, well, nobody's really looking at me anyway, and just get in there ASAP, get off that terrifying red carpet.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm incredibly proud of you. For me, you look gorgeous in all the things that you do. I know that you make such a massive difference to so many people on DIY SOS, but also just in general, you know, in terms of the work that you do, and I'm so grateful for you being here on the podcast with me today and being so vulnerable and sharing so openly um, thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, my darling, and thank you for all the work you're doing, because we need it. Polly, we're all going bonkers out there. We need some, we need some deep breathing thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, my love.

Speaker 2:

So, gabe's, for anybody who would like to find out more about you, get in touch with you, work with you, tell us how they can I'm on instagram at at Miss Gabriel Blackman, and I'm actually thinking of possibly doing some kind of lives if I can get the tech together with some little consultations. So it might be if people want to DM me if they've got any, if they don't mind sharing pictures of their home and want to have a little design chat, if they've got any particularly sort of interesting problems, because I think it might be quite nice to do some little online things, but obviously I'd need to show a picture of their home oh, that sounds amazing.

Speaker 1:

It could be quite fun.

Speaker 2:

I think yes, because I think people would get tips and you know, hopefully I could give some advice so, oh, that would be amazing.

Speaker 1:

So what do they need to send you a picture of their home?

Speaker 2:

picture, maybe an app or maybe a voice recording or whatever their dilemma is. And if it's something, yeah, reasonably brief, it could be quite fun to do a bit of a consultation. And just because I've got to do some social media Polly, yes, that would be really good.

Speaker 1:

That would work amazingly well. So, yes, you could give your you giving your advice on how someone can make that, that problem easier for them brilliant?

Speaker 2:

I think yeah. So if they've got any problems or if they're in a dilemma, they've got their partner saying whatever I could, I could sort it out for them if that's helpful so, yeah, so go to um Gabriel's Instagram is probably the best place to do that.

Speaker 1:

Yes, photo, send in a voice note, voice note with your issue and watch out on her Insta and I will try and solve the problem. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, all right, all right, my darling, thank you. Thank you so much. That was brilliant. Thanks, paul.

Speaker 1:

Oh, gabes, I've just realised I've called you Gabes throughout and actually I introduced you as Gabby Blackman. That is because that is the name I've always called you growing up, so I hope there's no confusion there. But thank you, it was so much fun chatting to you and thank you for sharing everything that has been going on for you, so I really do appreciate it. And, yes, for all the listeners, go check out Gabby's work. You can find her website and all her details her Instagram in the show notes below.

Speaker 1:

Thank you everybody for listening once again to this episode. I really hope you enjoyed this conversation. If you did, please do rate and review this podcast wherever you listen to your podcast and subscribe, if you haven't already, because it makes such a big difference. When you subscribe, it means basically that the podcast is going to be more visible to other people who may benefit from hearing it. If you'd like to receive my free weekly newsletter, you can also sign up for that at polyonecom. Do come and follow me on instagram at polyone coaching and if you need to sign up for a free breathwork session in the inner space, you'll find the link in the show notes. And remember in those moments of stress, of challenge, just take a pause, take a breath so that you can shine your brilliance out into the world. Take care, lots of love. Bye.