MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
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MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - Grit
This week on Monday Motivation, Lucy and I are diving into the topic of grit.
As Angela Duckworth explains in her TED Talk and book, grit requires a combination of passion and perseverance to achieve long-term goals.
We’ll explore why grit is such a vital ingredient for success and share how we both need lots of it to grow our businesses!
We also give some practical tips on how to cultivate more of it in your life.
We hope you find something inspiring and useful in this episode!
Love,
Polly & Lucy x
To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace
Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/
Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 1:This morning, we're talking about grit yes and I was just saying, actually we joined that. This I learned about grit on a really cool training course I did when I was, uh, a teacher, uh, and it because it was something which we wanted to really try and teach the kids to to have in life, because it is such an if you've got grit in life, you're going to, you're going to achieve your long-term goals. Yeah, uh, so maybe should I start I mean, what you know, yeah, maybe it's good, because I think, um, so for me, grit is long is when you've got really long-term determination to fill a goal which is out in the future, and it means that, whatever happens, you are not going to give up, you keep going until you achieve that goal.
Speaker 1:Resilience, on the other hand, I think, is when, say, for example I mean I suppose a good example would be if you were running a marathon, if you wanted to run a marathon, you'll see that's in the future, you've got it's a long-term goal. Resilience is something you need to have in order to get you there, because you're going to have setbacks, you might injure yourself, so you need resilience to kind of get yourself back on track. You need that resilience, but the grit is the is that ability to just keep focused on that goal, not give up and just to keep on going. I've read, I've read somewhere that actually is almost more fundamental for success than having something like a high iq. Yeah, because if you can keep on going, it's going to. It's, the likelihood of the of you achieving your goal is so much higher. Yeah, uh, so it's something which, if we can cultivate to have more of, it's going to really put us in good stead for us to just reach the thing, the goals we want to do.
Speaker 1:And you and I know this too well. We both are, we both have long-term goals in terms of our businesses and sometimes I do wonder and think what am I doing? Is it all worth it? It's. It has up. It's such a roller coaster ride. There are ups and there's a lot of downs, and the resilience is important in order to kind of pick yourself up when you have those setbacks and when you have those downs. But you need the grit in order just to keep going, keep focusing on that goal. But also a big part of it, I think, lucy, is to ensure that you're enjoying the journey, you're enjoying the process as well. It's not just about that final goal. It's actually about all you know. It's about all the good things along, you know, join the the process and then along the way as well that's, that's my, uh, my, my kind of feeling of what grit is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I love it. I totally resonate with what you've said and actually I really love this as a topic. I really do. And actually one thing that I was going to say that you mentioned just now I think this is so, so key. We are so often led to believe, particularly because of our education system. It's like if you're, you know you've got got to be the a student, and if you're the one that's getting c's, then you know you're, you're going to be a failure and the person getting a's is going to like win at life and it's just simply not the case.
Speaker 2:And I know you'll have heard of Angela Duckworth, who did a TED talk about grit and she's you know, I've listened to her on many podcasts. I haven't actually read the book, but I I keep meaning to and I will. But Angela Duckworth describes grit as being a combination of passion and perseverance and I love that description. But as she points out and I've heard other people say this, not just about grit, but just in terms of success, people who achieve their goals, successful people are not the ones with the high IQs, necessarily. Of course they can be, but according to Angela Duckworth's research and she has done a shitload of research on grit, obviously, and one and there are several things that kind of marry up with people who have grit. They also are very optimistic people. That often goes hand in hand. And basically she, what she has found in her research is that people who who achieve their goals and people who are super successful because that's what she has studied she studies extremely successful people and grit is so much more of a marker of success than intelligence or IQ, and I love this because I think you know, like take me, for example, I was shit at school.
Speaker 2:Right, I am not academically gifted. I. I got an E in one of my A levels. I got B, c, e. For my A levels. I did English, french and Latin. I got an I. I got a B in English and I thought if I could get an A in anything, it was English and I got an I. I got a B in English and I thought if I could get an A in anything, it was English and I let me. Got a B in that and then I got a C in French and then I got an E in Latin. I was never academic at school.
Speaker 2:My brother and sister I've talked about this before I have I. I am in the middle of two very, very academically gifted siblings, both of whom got academic scholarships to school, and I always felt like the stupid one, and in many ways I still do like when it. You know, when it comes to my siblings, I've always felt like I am just not as intelligent as them. But one thing that I've realized, particularly over the last few years, is that, you know, success is not, is not about intelligence, it is about determination. It is about not fucking giving up, which is exactly what grit is about. It's about not giving up and, interestingly, as Angela Duckworth also talks about this optimism link, so gritty people tend to be optimistic as well. And the other thing that I wanted to kind of um, kind of talk about a bit is that and you mentioned this it's something we can develop. We can absolutely develop grit, and we can more, almost more importantly, we can develop optimism.
Speaker 2:I I never, ever, ever was an optimist, ever.
Speaker 2:I've always been more of a pessimist, always.
Speaker 2:My whole life. I've always been, you know, very much more of a pessimist than an optimist, a real kind of cynic, and I swear to god, I have trained myself, I have become an optimist. You can teach yourself to become an optimistic person by doing all of the things that you and I talk about on here, all of the mindset things, all of the being aware of your thoughts, and it's just about reprogramming your subconscious mind to start focusing on the good in life instead of the shite which most of us do much more automatically and much more easily. And we you know humans have this thing called a negativity bias, which means we, we it's much easier to think negatively than it is to think positive. To be positive actually takes a lot more energy. It takes a lot more effort. Unless you are genuinely one of those people, which I am not unless you're one of those people who is, like you know, just just um, or you know, naturally optimistic, I think you're much more of an optimist naturally than I am you know?
Speaker 1:yeah, I I've. I probably would call myself more as a positive person. I've always sort of had that sort of like outlook on life. But don't get me wrong, I can, I can spiral down into negativity and I, I think with me. Yeah, I can definitely spiral down and I've definitely had periods in my life where I've got really stuck in it and my optimism has completely gone. But I would just I've luckily managed to pull myself out, but nowadays I do find that yes.
Speaker 1:I notice it. I just really notice it when I go down into those places and I'm able to reframe it really relatively easily. And I think let's just be clear here this isn't about making everything shiny, rosy, everything's wonderful, positive all the time. It's not that because that's tedious and annoying and infuriating. It's kind of reframing those, those occasions where actually you you can see a more positive side of it.
Speaker 1:It's kind of noticing that you know shit is going to happen, but it's actually. How do you respond to that? Are you then just going to dwell on it and let it really affect you, or actually are you going to use that experience? You know feedback failure. If something goes wrong, can you actually look at it and go okay. What can I learn from this? Yeah how can I improve?
Speaker 2:on it.
Speaker 1:I think you know. Otherwise, the danger is you're just going to get stuck in it but what you don't want to do is just kind of go through life go, everything is wonderful yeah, when it really isn't you know that's not, that's not helpful. What's?
Speaker 1:totally I mean I think grit is about. It's about endurance. You know we all have enthusiasm, that's really common, but what is actually quite rare is endurance is how who's actually got the stamina and to really see something through. And let's just be clear again this isn't about burning yourself out and and grinding as hard as you can and until you kind of literally are burn out, because that obviously isn't going to work. And I think, again, some people might confuse that with grit. It's not about burning out. It's about just having that passion, focusing on that passion and then just really just taking the steps, consistent action towards that goal and and along the way, taking good care of yourself and not burning out.
Speaker 1:Because I think that is the danger. If you're, if you are, very grit, if you've got a lot grit, you might just feel the need that you've got to keep going, keep going, keep going and and ignore the signals when to rest, when to do something different. So just just just to put that little caveat in there, because I know for one that I can get very single-minded sometimes and sit in front of my laptop all day because I feel I've got so many things to do, but actually sometimes that's the worst thing we should be doing. You need to have. Give yourself the breaks, the pauses, and to allow creativity to keep flowing and all of that sort of yeah, 100.
Speaker 2:I think, also, talking about grit, it's important, like again going back to angela duckworth's description of it is it's it's a combination of perseverance and passion and perseverance, and just to think about the sort of passion piece of that for anyone thinking, well, I don't know what my passion is, or I don't have a passion, that that again is, I think, something that we can learn to cultivate and ultimately, what any kind of passion or something that we feel gives us purpose. I think, ultimately it starts with just curiosity. We've talked about this before, haven't we? It starts with curiosity and what piques your interest. Because, of course, when you are aiming for something, when you have a got a long-term goal, can you hear that weird noise? I'm I'm like echoing? I think I can hear my voice coming back on myself. Oh well, um, but yeah, I think, when you have a long-term goal, of course it's very difficult to be gritty if you're not, if you don't really love the thing that you're aiming towards. You know there has to be that sort of purpose and passion element of it.
Speaker 2:But again, if anyone's thinking, well, you know, I don't know what I feel passionate about, then it really does begin with. I think, anyway, it begins with just leaning into the things that make you feel curious, leaning into the things that just pique your curiosity and things that you are interested in. Um, and you know, in the same way, that we can cultivate grit, we can cultivate purpose and we can cultivate passion, and I think this is really important to to bear in mind. Um, but, but yeah, so I just wanted to make sure we kind of touched on that, really, because I think it's really important and she said that that you know the sort of twin engines of passion. One of one of them is kind of interesting curiosity and the other is purpose.
Speaker 2:And she also talks about how you know when we're working to it. It really helps if you're working towards something that is in some way bigger than yourself, like if you're working towards something that has a meaning that is bigger than you, you know, and I think that, well, that is sort of purpose, isn't it working towards something that that is bit that feels like it's bigger than you? Because if you're just working towards something that's just like, oh, I want to make more money, that's actually not enough to sustain you, when you know. Do you know what I mean? In order to be gritty and in order to keep going at something it's got to, it's got to have a higher meaning than that Does that make sense Totally, because you know, I think about the careers I've had in my life.
Speaker 1:The ones I've stopped are the ones which haven't had enough meaning for for me, because I just haven't and so I haven't kind of had that, I haven't been able to continue them because I haven't had that purpose. And I suppose this isn't just about careers. It could be anything, it could be a passion project that you you've got going on, it could be anything, but it's something that you really, really, really want to succeed in and to happen. I mean, it can be a passion which you turn into work. This is what, you know, both you and I are doing at the moment is taking us into hopefully really really thriving businesses.
Speaker 1:Um, so that you know, and actually because there's meaning and purpose in that mission. That is what keeps driving me and, as I've said before, you know, if one person turns up to one of my things and you know, potentially I wanted many more than that, I try really hard not to be disappointed by that and just go with it, do that session as just as I would if there were like 200 people in there, and I always remind myself of that. You know, it's just like keep that passion fueled, doesn't matter who is along the way, because actually maybe one day there will be 200 people in, maybe there'll be a thousand people, who knows? But just keep going showing up, fueling your passion, enjoying the process, because you can't really go too wrong. And there's so many examples of people who've done that in life. Jk rowling didn't you see something like 12 or 13 publishers before she actually got harry potter published, which you know to actually to actually keep going to believe it? She obviously believed in her books so much that she just kept submitting them. She kept being rejected. She had that resilience to pick herself up, dust herself down, submit again and she got there in the end. Thomas Edison with the light bulb yeah, thousands, thousands and thousands of attempts to get that light bulb again. He just kept going, kept going, kept going.
Speaker 1:So it's about it really is about just not giving up. Yeah, if you believe in something and I think that's it if you've got that passion and you have a genuine belief in it that it's something that this world needs, that this is what I want to do. You know, I have that for my inner space membership and I really believe it's something which many, many people can really enjoy, can really benefit from. And yes, it's slow progress, growing it. It really is. But I am pretty much every day someone turns up. So well, not every day, three times a week.
Speaker 1:So I'm there doing it and I'm I do, must admit I love doing it, I love doing it, but I'd have this belief that it will one day get out to the masses. Yeah, and I've got to keep that grit totally, keep on going, not giving up. It'd be very easy to don't get me wrong, it could be. It would be very easy to go. Oh well, it's not working, it's not working, but I have got some people in there and I have got some people in there, I know, love it. So for me, you know, it's like how many people in this earth Eight billion, nine billion, however many there are.
Speaker 2:There's. However many there are, there's going to be more people out there who are going to love it. So it's just about how you know finding those people. It's about not giving up totally. It really is about putting those blinkers on, keeping your eye on your own lane and not, you know, not worrying about what everyone else is doing. And exactly the same as you, I feel the same way about my business and my podcast, my membership. It's.
Speaker 2:It has required so much grit and it really is a question of having that belief and just knowing that it's gonna work out and, like you say, it has been for both of us. My god, the growth is painfully slow and sometimes I just feel like, oh, my god, I just don't have the energy. But but again, that's why it has to be something that is sort of higher than yourself and bigger than yourself, because that's what keeps you going. And and also going back to the kind of optimism thing of of grit, when and again it's it's all about cultivating that positive mindset, because when you start we've talked about this before on Thursday Thoughts but when you start thinking and believing that everything is working out for you, it just enables you to keep on going. When you just keep telling yourself everything is working out for me, everything is working out for me, I'm heading in the right direction. And the thing is, there are, there are always. You know, success is never a straight, direct path from a to b to c to d. It is always. There are so many twists and turns and you know quote unquote failures. The way that I like to think of it is um.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite authors, napoleon Hill, who wrote um Think and Grow Rich. He wrote outwitting the devil, which is one of the best fucking books ever as far as I'm concerned. He talked about a story in think and grow rich about I can't remember the name of the person who was basically digging for gold. You know, this is like back in the day and they were digging and digging and digging and digging and digging and digging for, like you know, I don't know, it was months or years, I don't, I don't know, but it was, whatever the time frame was, anyways, a fuckload of time, and said person, whoever it was, gave up. And then somebody else came along and started digging from where he, he finished and there it was. There was the goal.
Speaker 2:So if we, if we just keep thinking that we will succeed as long as we don't give up. It's when we give up, because because so often people quit just when they're about to be successful and of course you don't know when that is but you have to keep that faith and you have to stay gritty, like you know, like we're talking about. You've got to keep cultivating that grit and keep going, because you just never know that moment where shit's going to happen and you're going to get that momentum and you know, I know that you and I feel this so strongly about our businesses. And bloody hell, it's hard. I mean, there is no denying it is hard.
Speaker 2:I've had, you know better than anyone, how many moments I've had of just know, better than anyone, how many moments I've had just like, oh my god, I just I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I just I need to go back to work. I need to just go back to and get an office job and just do what everyone else is doing, because this is just too. You know it's this emotional roller coaster and it's incredibly hard work and I'm tired and you know you have days obviously both of us have days where we feel really downhearted, but when you cultivate that positive mindset, you can bounce back a lot easier, and you can you when, when you cultivate that grit, it just enables you to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how long it takes.
Speaker 2:Um, and this is the thing I think we have to. Also, we have to remember how 10 years, for example, might seem like a long time, but hello, it's already, you know, heading towards the end of january, and didn't we just have christmas? We have to remember how quickly time goes, and actually, a year goes incredibly quickly. Five years goes incredibly quickly. So the time. One of my favorite things to say to myself and to other people is the time is going to pass anyway, so what you're gonna freaking do with it yeah, yeah, you could.
Speaker 1:You know you could just give up and move on. And you know I have given up on certain things and then really regretted it because it's like, oh, my goodness, if I had just kept going, who knows what may have happened. So it's, yeah, it's really about building in some discipline to, and some habits, yeah, and some resilient, some positivity. It's like a bucket of all these things which we need to keep that determination, to keep that grit really strong.
Speaker 1:Discipline, I think, is a big one, and it's not a very sexy word at all, discipline and I think it's something which perhaps no one likes to talk about, but ultimately that's what it's about it's have you got the discipline to keep showing up day in, day out to do the things, or are you going to just say, oh, no, I'm not going to bother today, the more that you do show up and the more that you prove to yourself every day that you can do it, and then you get a little win and then you're like, yes, then you're building that relationship with yourself and confidence with yourself that you have got it, and that fuels you even more just to keep on going. Um, it fuels that passion even more. So you, I think it's just it really does start to build that momentum, keep moving forward. It's like a massive, great big snowball going down the hill I still feel I'm probably at the top of the hill gradually moving down the hill, but you know, you've got to just keep that momentum going and then, before we know it, um, it will all be, it will be taking off but I think, yeah, it's a long game, it's all about the long game yeah
Speaker 1:and obviously the quick wins are good, but because they they feed that momentum, but it's about really keeping super focused. I'm kind of talking to myself here and I think actually it's important. That's when you need the support to come and and or someone to talk to, someone to keep you on track. All this grit basically encompasses everything we talk about here on monday information on thursday thoughts. You know, the accountability which is what we talked about last week is super important. That also really, really helps.
Speaker 2:So, yes, it's a it's a it's a really big one this week it really is and if anyone is, you know, if anyone is sort of interested in learning more about this subject, I would highly recommend going and watching angela duckworth's ted talk and, you know, go and just go spotify like search on spotify for various podcasts with her, because she's done lots of podcasts about talking about her book. Um, and, of course, you know, read her book. As I say, I still haven't, but I but very much intend to.
Speaker 1:I read it ages ago, Did you Ages ago? I can't really remember much of it, if I'm honest, but it is really really good yeah.
Speaker 2:But to bear in mind that, as she says, all the successful people who she has studied for her research on this subject have that combination of passion and perseverance. You know, those are the two key factors for having grit. And it is that kind of um, you know, it's almost like and I relate to this with, with, with what I'm doing with my life you almost have to be fucking obsessed. It has to be that thing that you, you, you know it's not like at five o'clock I go oh, I'm going to stop thinking about this now. You know I'm thinking about it all the time and I know you're the same with your business. So what is it that you think about all the time? Like that is. You know, it almost has to become like an obsession, not in a bad way, but in a good way. Um, because when you are sorry yeah, no, I was- going to say I'm in a really good example.
Speaker 1:There's any athlete.
Speaker 1:Look at the olympics for example it only happens once every four years. So for four years somebody is on a training plan to get themselves to the olympics, particularly if you're not a professional athlete. You've got that as your long-term goal and along the way you've got to. You know you're obsessive and I've seen it firsthand and I was like we've talked about it before this lad Toby Roberts, who my son used to climb with him.
Speaker 1:He won gold at the last Olympics and he I could just see it when, as a child, totally blinkered, totally obsessed. That was all he did and that's what turned a lot of the kids off because it's like well, actually I want to do all these other things in my life, but those ones who actually were obsessed are the ones who obviously make it and that is an extreme example and I think I mean I wonder sometimes how healthy that is from a very young age. I don't know, but that the grit that they have to have in order to get to that final, to get to even get to the summer, like the Olympic Games, is unbelievable and the sacrifices you have to make along the way. I think that's a big part as well, being prepared to make sacrifices along the way.
Speaker 2:I think also something that's worth bearing in mind is that we so often we want the thing that is easy and comfortable in the moment and we forget that actually, if we do the uncomfortable thing now, now, then things are going to be so much easier later on, like if we work towards that goal. You know, let's say that goal, like for both of us, our goal is to do our business so that we're, you know, financially free, we can work from anywhere. Obviously that takes an incredible amount of work, but it's like do the difficult thing now to make life easier down the line, or do that, continue to do the easy thing now and then life is harder down the line.
Speaker 1:I think it sometimes helps to think from that perspective, you know yes, yes, but making sure that you enjoy it along the way, otherwise it's going to be so miserable, and that's that's why you need the passion, because it's got. You've got to enjoy it. You know time's too short.
Speaker 2:You've got to enjoy it yeah and that, but that doesn't mean enjoying every moment of it. I mean, when it comes to my, my podcast and my membership and everything that I'm doing, like I love what I'm doing and I'm very driven and I do feel like I have a purpose, but that doesn't mean every moment is fucking sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and fairies. It's not. I have moments where I just feel completely depleted and just like I can't do this anymore. But but it's but so so not so not every step of the journey is going to. You're not going to enjoy every step of the journey. Like I know what you mean, but you're not going to enjoy every step of the journey. Like I know what you mean, but you're not going to enjoy every single moment of the journey.
Speaker 2:So it's also understanding that we have to go through discomfort now in order to get the payoffs further down the line, but I think we forget that and just kind of. You know, we so often choose the choose the thing. That's easy in the moment. It's like you know we've talked about so many times before on this, on this podcast. We've talked about like workouts and how you have to be like I really don't want to do this. I'm going to freaking. Do it anyway, because I know that it's going to be worth it down the line.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, exactly exactly that it's. It's embracing the discomfort yeah uh, and discomfort makes you more resilient, uh, and it makes you realize that you can actually keep going. It builds your confidence. So, yeah, it's more gritty.
Speaker 1:It's more gritty, it really is. It's like going for a walk when it's absolutely pissing, with rain, blowing a gale outside, and you really do feel gritty. You've got your hood up and you're battling the elements and it feels gritty, but it doesn't makes you feel so alive. And it's that feeling when you come back in it's like, oh, my god, that was amazing. Yeah, now I'm back, but at the time it's not necessarily that enjoyable.
Speaker 1:It's gritty yeah all right, my love. Well, I think, um, yeah, that's it, um, yeah. So I really recommend everybody to read Angela Duckworth's book or look at Ted's talk. It's really good for wellness.
Speaker 2:And also, I hope the sound is okay, because I'm getting this weird feedback thing this morning which I don't normally get, so I'm slightly worried about the recording, but hopefully it'll be okay. Okay, All right then.
Speaker 1:Okay all right, see you later.
Speaker 2:See you later, have a good.