MENOMORPHOSIS
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Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
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MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday's Thoughts - Memento Mori
On this week’s Thursday's Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about the powerful philosophy of “memento mori” - the reminder that one day, we will die.
Far from being morbid, this ancient wisdom encourages us to embrace life more fully. When we acknowledge how short life actually is, we gain a clearer perspective on what truly matters.
We also delve into the biggest regrets of the dying and how ‘memento mori’ can help you make every moment count—leading to a more fearless, fulfilling life.
We hope you find something valuable in this conversation!
Love,
Polly & Lucy x
To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace
Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
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Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 2:So this month, should I just just?
Speaker 1:you go for it, lucy?
Speaker 2:yes, this is another random one that, like, I literally don't know where it came from this morning um, but I was thinking, shit, what we're going to talk about? And and then this just came into my head and it's um, it is that, basically, it's, it's a stoic philosophy. Well, that's how I know it anyway, and I've been quite interested in stoicism for a couple of years. I read Marcus Aurelius's meditations and I'm really I love Ryan Holiday and and it's just a really interesting philosophy, I think.
Speaker 2:And one of the things that the stoics were really big on was this basically memento mori. I think it's memento mori which essentially means remember your death, remember you're dying, and it's not, you know, it's not meant to be a morbid way of thinking about life, because actually it is the opposite of morbid, because, as Marcus Aurelius says I hope I'm quoting this right but basically he says the fact that when you remember your death, it then determines how you think and what you say and what you do, and I find it really useful to remind myself that I'm not going to be here forever and I'm going to be, you know, under the fricking ground, like whenever that may be, but actually, rather than thinking like, oh, but that's so depressing to think about. It's not because it actually makes you much more mindful about how you're spending your life now, like because the reason life is meaningful is because we are, because we're going to die. Like if we were all going to be here forever, then things wouldn't matter so much's. Like, well, I can do it then, or I can do it then, and I can do it a million times, but actually the fact that we're not going to be here, here forever makes it, gives it that meaning.
Speaker 2:And when you, when you sort of think, when you live with death in mind, it just helps you to ask yourself well, how am I, how am I living life? Like, if I knew that I was going tomorrow, would I actually be spending today doing what I'm doing, or would I be doing something wildly different? So I just think it's a really interesting way of thinking about life and it kind of it sort of works in two ways, I think. Anyway, one is that it makes you, as I say, it makes life more meaningful.
Speaker 2:It makes you question what you're doing, it makes you question your choices, it makes you question how you're spending your days, what you're doing with your life, but also the way that I really love thinking, or the reason I really love thinking about it, is because it it it helps us to not take life so fucking seriously. Now, like, and it really helps with I and it really helps with I think it really helps with, you know, that fear of what other people are thinking and all the fears that hold us back from doing things, when you just think I'm not even gonna be here, like it doesn't matter if you're worrying about a conversation that you had, like you know it's not gonna matter because we're none of us are gonna be here, and you know in a hundred years every single person on this planet.
Speaker 2:Well, some people might be here in a hundred years, but you know what I mean. Yeah, so it just it really helps to get some clarity and it just gives us perspective about our life now and, yeah, determine the way that we act and we think and we and the things that we do and the things that we say and how we feel yeah, no, and I, I love it and I, to be fair, totally honest, having done a lot of Latin in my life, I'd never actually heard of it.
Speaker 1:So when you mentioned this this morning, I had a quick look up and actually it although the Stoics took it on, apparently it came. It is a Latin phrase which, was said, it came from ancient Rome and it's when a slave apparently said it to some victorious generals and they were reminded by this slave or by the servant that he said, basically memento mori, to try and keep them humble and to try and remind them not to be, you know, too boastful and braggy. And then it's been taken on through time to by lots of different people, um, to just remind them that, yes, actually life is short and just it's, it's. I love the, the fact that, although it's about death, it's actually a reminder about how to live exactly and that you should live as well as you possibly could. And something you know we all know how quickly time can pass by, and particularly as you get older, the weeks, just ridiculous. Um, have you heard of um tim urban's your life in weeks? No, so this guy who I've kind of, I kind of was led to, he has that you should check it out. It's actually really good, as he's got a website called weightbutwhycom and he has illustrated your. Firstly, he illustrates your life in years by little diamond shapes and it's just this tiny little shape from your birth to when you're 90, and then he does it by months and kind of a little diagram, and then he does it by weeks and you, so you can basically see every week of your life on a piece of paper, wow, and you can just see it how it goes. And then he sort of illustrates people's.
Speaker 1:You know how you, the typical person spends a lot of their life, um, you know, from school years to work, career years to retirement, and it's just a really visual way which shows you that actually it is so finite our life that time isn't something we have a lot of, so we've got to absolutely 100% use it. And the fact is, we've all got time, but how much of it do we waste? And we're all guilty of wasting a huge amount of time, and particularly nowadays with technology, the way it is, we waste so much time just scrolling or doing stuff we don't really want, and of course it's. You know, that's fine to a certain degree, but I think it is quite healthy to really look at it and go actually, I have got a finite time. What do I, how do I want to be spending it, what do I want to be doing with it? And it, as you said, it gives you that real great sense of perspective which we don't get until something terrible happens, like until you get unwell, until someone else gets unwell, until someone dies.
Speaker 1:And I think in this culture, in our culture, we don't talk about death. We're all very nervous of talking about death and it's very taboo. I actually, on my podcast last week there was an episode with um, this wonderful person called claire fuller who is a uh, end of life palliative nurse. She's been for years palliative nurse but she has dedicated now her life she's got an amazing podcast to helping people plan for their end of life so that it can be the experience that they want it to be, so making sure that all your ducks in a row, that you've got everything in order and that actually, whatever your situation, you, your end of life is exactly as you wish.
Speaker 1:So we had this really fascinating conversation about the fact that none of us really talk about it. We all you know if you've had a baby, you plan for a birth, you plan for different land marks in your life, but one thing which is absolutely 100% guaranteed going to happen to every single one of us, which is dying, we don't talk about, we don't plan it, and I really feel that we've got to change that because we shouldn't be scared of it. It's going to happen and thinking about it more makes us live more. And um, yeah, I totally agree. I think it's. Um, it's great. I think it's great. I've really and I really hadn't thought about this until I spoke to Claire last week on my podcast well, the episode came out last week because it really made me realise that it's so important and it does make you just so grateful for the life that you have and, as you said, you take away those fears which are constantly holding us back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely it's interesting that you had that conversation last week. How completely random, but it's, but it is. You know, I I like what you say there about how we don't talk about death because and and if you think about it, it's actually crazy that we don't. It's like we're all, it's all like like we're all trying to be in denial about the fact that death is coming for all of us without exception. And it should be the one conversation that we're all the most comfortable with, because it's the only thing that we all know is going to happen to all of us without fail. Yet it's the one thing that we shy away from and again, you know, we don't have. Thinking about death doesn't have to be this morbid thing, not least because it is going to happen to all of us and and also because, yeah, it can really determine the way that we choose to live our lives. And also, the other thing is to not only think about you know, remember your own death on a regular basis, but also remember the people around you. Like, none of us, none of us, are guaranteed tomorrow, and that doesn't mean that we should just go. Oh well, fuck it then. You know, it's the opposite of that, because we aren't, because you know, we hopefully will live long lives, but we might not. It's not guaranteed for any of us. None of us actually know. None of us know, you know, when we're going to die, and I think it just it just allows us to really, you know, lean into the life that we have now while we're still, while we're still here. I was going to say something else else and it's gone completely out of my head. Oh, I know what it was I was going to say. When it comes to other people, um, you know it kind of, when you realize that everyone is going to die sooner or later the people that we love it, it changes the way that we, that we interact with those people, and it might make us say I love you, for example, when perhaps we wouldn't have. You know it. When you think about that, you think about the people you love from a perspective that you don't know how long they're going to be. They're going to be here, for that means that every time you see someone, we see them or not, and again, it doesn't we don't have to be like, oh my god, this is so morbid. It's like, well, no, it's just actually going to make us make the make, make more of the people we have in our lives.
Speaker 2:I heard someone talking on a podcast about um. I can't remember what her name was, but basically her dad was um ill and he was he was dying and he was in hospice. And um, can you still hear me, love, you've gone a bit frozen. Yeah, you can't cool um, so, so, so you know they knew he was going to die. He was in this hospice and they were obviously spending time with him in his dying days and at the end he wasn't able to really communicate, he couldn't speak. So he would basically like blink his right eye for yes and, you know, blink his left eye for no or whatever, and try and mouth words and literally, like I think it was the day, the day before he died and he was really like urgently trying to say something to his daughter and he was sort of mouthing these words and it was really obvious that he was like he really wanted to to communicate to her what he was trying to say and it transpired that he was saying he was trying to say the argument that we had outside um, I can't remember where it was, but they'd had an argument about 15 years previously, a big argument, and you know she'd pretty much forgotten about it, but it's something that they'd never talked about. But they'd have this really big row and he was saying the argument outside of I don't know bank of england or wherever it was. And so, while that man was literally lying on his deathbed, he the most important thing to him was to communicate to his daughter. And oh, no that. And then sorry. Then he mouthed I'm sorry. So he was I've literally just got goosebumps, I. So he was thinking on knowing that he was going to die. The thing that was foremost in his mind was I've literally just got goosebumps, I. So he was thinking on knowing that he was going to die. The thing that was foremost in his mind was I've got to apologize to my daughter for that argument.
Speaker 2:And it makes me think of, um, something like my dad died 20 years ago, um, nearly 21 years, and I wish so much that because I was really young, I was 28. And I wish that I had asked him more questions, found out all of the things that I wanted to find out about him, because once somebody's gone, that's it. You can no longer ask them questions, you can no longer have conversations with them. So I and I said it to friends in the years since dad died. I said it to people for god's sake, you know, make the most of your parents, don't take them for granted.
Speaker 2:Um, and I always I also say to people record them, record them talking to you like, take videos of them, ask them questions and record their answers because, like I say, there are so many things that I wanted to ask my dad before he died and I just, I just didn't, and I really regret that because I'm never going to get him back. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, um so, but I think, but also when he was really ill, what was really interesting is that I mean he was ill for a long time and I won't bore you with the details, but basically he was 16, 17 years older than my mum. So he was, like he was of all my parents you know my friend's parents he was the oldest dad and I was always a bit like, oh my God, my dad's really old, because he was that much older than all of my friend's parents and he was that much older than my mum. Anyway, he was of a generation, is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2:He was of a particular generation. He was, you know, he was of that generation of men who did not show their emotions. They did not say, oh, I love you so much, you know, they just didn't. And I think in many ways he was so he suppressed so much emotion. He was so, he suppressed so much emotion. And the interesting thing was, is that in his final, um, sort of days and weeks, his, it's like his heart opened. It was the weirdest thing because he knew that he was going to die so suddenly he was just so much more open. And I'll never forget there was this one time that we were watching I think it's High Fidelity, the Nick Hornby book that was turned into a film and it's got what's that guy's name in. Have you ever seen that film? High Fidelity?
Speaker 2:It's about the guy that owns the record store and anyway, I think that was the one it was and basically there's a scene in it where John Cusack that's who it is and there's a scene in it where, um, his girlfriend's dad dies and I was watching this film with my dad, literally about three or four weeks before he died, and we were sitting watching this film. This was, um, yeah, just just one afternoon and she, she phones up John Cusack, his girlfriend phones him up and and she's in tears and she's like my dad died and you know, she's all, she's really upset. And and, dad, I just felt my dad looking over at me and I and I, I turned over towards him and he just looked at me and he went I love you and, and I'll never forget that moment, because, he, he's, he's.
Speaker 2:And the reason I'm saying this is because he would never have done that before. Not because he, he's, he's. And the reason I'm saying this is because he would never have done that before. Not because he didn't feel it, but just because he couldn't do it. He just, he wasn't equipped. But as soon as he was faced with death, he, he, he told me that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, absolutely yeah, oh, love, yeah, I mean, it's so true. Have you um? Have you read Bronnie Ware's?
Speaker 2:book Five Regrets of the Dying and.
Speaker 1:I've heard her speak on many podcasts. Yeah, and she's amazing. So she's a she's a palliative nurse and the big, one of the biggest regrets one of one of those top five was not being able to have the courage to say exactly what you felt in that moment, and you know that's just so sad, isn't it? Not being able to express yourself.
Speaker 2:I think some of the other ones were um not not being able to be the top one was bit was not having lived a life of authenticity exactly not living life, not, um, not having spent so much time.
Speaker 1:Working was another one as well, um, but I suppose working is in doing something that you didn't want to do, probably, in that sense, um. And I think another one was forgiveness. Relationships, um, you know, not holding on to grudges, because that's another one. Why do we do that? You know it's it's life's too short, it's wasting energy, um, yeah, so, and, and the other one, I think, was friends, staying in touch with friends oh yes, I think a lot of people had lost lost friends as well.
Speaker 1:You know lost types of friends. So isn't it interesting what people, what comes up in the just before you're going to die? Yeah, those are the things which are very important. None of them are I wanted to be more successful or I wanted. You know it's. It's those really, it's relationships and it's about being true to yourself and and, yeah, forgiveness, I suppose. I mean I said I mean I suppose for a lot of people, it's also about your legacy. You know, what legacy are you leaving in this world? What are you? What do you want people to remember you by? I don't know, do you ever think about that, because I often think about that. You know, when I go, what will you know what? What will be remembered of me? And I would. I would hope that I've made some mark, but there's so many, there's, you know, eight billion of us. Are we all going to be able to make our mark in some way? I don't know. I mean, we probably are in our own little way, in our own little circle of people, but yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I know it's a funny one Well to me, you will always be the most amazing breathwork facilitator. Thanks.
Speaker 1:I was actually going to say though you know you said about recording your parents, my dad has got such an amazing story of his life and actually he has been thinking about writing a book and he's been putting it off, putting it off. Anyway, my sister and I really really honour him and anyway I'm hoping he's been putting it off, putting it off. Anyway, my sister and I really really honor him and anyway he's he's now I'm hoping he's doing it. But we suggested that, you know, maybe he should record it and and into story, into different stories. So anyway I'm really hoping he's doing it because, because I mean, it's such a that's a great thing to have.
Speaker 1:You know, he's even got someone who's interested in publishing his story, so it's just a matter of him actually doing it. But those stories are so great and I love it when he tells his grandchildren as well about all of the things that he got up to and how he you know particularly about his work. You know how he came from, a small little. Well, he came from a little suburb of Cardiff, um to London.
Speaker 1:Didn't know any you know, it's just all you know, it's just really bloody interesting and all the lessons that you can learn. But yeah, do we do we? Do we share these enough? Do we value these stories enough? You?
Speaker 2:know, you should get him to listen to this episode and and you should say to like, you should get him to just say, dad, you just need to write for 15 minutes every day, just 15 minutes, or. And actually recording into into the voice notes on your phone is such a brilliant way, and I think people actually write books like that. They, they talk the book out and then type it up, which is such a good, such a good way of doing it. Yeah, um, but yeah, I mean, and this, this is exactly why this whole conversation is, exactly why it is worth remembering your death and remembering the death of the people around you, and because when I, when I do that, when I'm mindful of it, it will definitely um, make me, I don't know, like, say, say, don't know, one of my siblings does something to annoy me or something.
Speaker 1:I'll you know.
Speaker 2:I'll, I'll be, I'll be better able to let it go. You know, it's it kind of it really, I think, makes you also. It makes you think about the things that you allow to kind of really get on your tits and you just think, why the fuck do I? What? Don't get your dad to listen to this? I've just sworn twice, um, but it is.
Speaker 2:It's just that thing of like, why am I, when you, when you're thinking about your death and the fact that you're not going to be here and no one's going to be here and we're all going to die, then those little things that so many of us allow to wind us up every freaking day you can, it's just easier to let them go because you're like, why am I obsessing about this thing that this person said to me, or this person who was rude to me, or the person who, whatever it is, we just allow ourselves to get so wound up by such ridiculous stuff. And actually you and I've talked about this before, haven't we? And how meditation and breath work has massively helped both of us, certainly me, and I know you too like I've become so much better able to respond to things instead of react to things, since I've had a morning routine and been meditating regularly like it's just as simple as that. But also when you think about I'm not going to be here, like why am I, why am I letting you know what? What little stupid things are you allowing to ruin your day, ruin your mood? Let them go. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And grudges is another one. How many people hold a grudge against all these big family feuds? You know it's, it's just crazy. Because you're holding on to all of that and I bet you, just before you die, you're thinking why on earth did I have that big feud or hold that grudge?
Speaker 2:It's just holding all that negativity?
Speaker 1:yes, exactly, uh, it's just. You know, I'm pretty rubbish with any sort of any sort of bad energy, bad tension. If anybody's slightly pissed off with me, I'm a bit like oh my god, I hate it so much. So I really, you know, don't like to kind of have any of that going on. But I know a lot of people, particularly people who've got family businesses, who there always seems to be some sort of tension or crisis because it's let's face it, it must be bloody hard having a family business working with people, relatives, um. So I think, again, it's just remembering you're not going to be here forever and just living your life as if it is your last.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and of course there are going to be some days which you've got to just get some stuff done and it's not going to be the most amazing day. But you know, if I was going to die in you know a month or so, you just think what would I do more of? What would I do more of? And I don't know, I feel very fortunate. I'm pretty bloody happy with my life. You know, for me it's about getting outdoors and spending it with my family, and you know it's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the grudge one is really is really key. Actually, you know, it's a really good thing to bring up because you know it's just and actually speaking sort of families. And I always feel really, um, sad when people say to me that they're not like they. They hate their siblings, for example. They hate you know that. And look, I know that life is complicated. There are nothing is black and white.
Speaker 2:People fall out with people for all kinds of reasons, but I think sometimes our pride and I know that you know, speaking for myself here sometimes my pride gets in the way of making up with someone. You know what I mean it certainly has done over the years. I'll just be like no, no, why should I? You know, why should I? And actually one of you has got to. And I mean I know people who, um, have fallen out really badly with their families and they just will not say sorry and they will not hold out the olive branch. They want the other person to do it. And I just can't help think to myself whatever you think of your siblings or your parents or whoever like, you love those people Like do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:And there, are probably some people completely disagreeing and yes, I mean, I'm sure some people really are completely, completely, you know, incommunicado from the families for various reasons, but but I think a lot of the times, when it comes to a big falling out with a family member or a friend, sometimes we do allow our pride to get in the way, um, and sometimes we, we just want to sort of take the high road and be that, be the better person and hold out the olive branch, you know, because that is the kind of thing.
Speaker 2:We're going to be lying on our deathbed going why the oh, why did I, why didn't I make up that person? Or, before you know it, they're no longer here. And then it's like, well, now I can't, now I can't say what I wanted to say. And going back to the top five regrets of the dying, it's like what did you not say to the people that you, you know who, who out there in this world that you think about on a regular basis, what, what do you want to say to them? Like, what do you feel this major need to say to somebody that you're too scared to say, um, yeah, yeah, and and what are you too scared to do?
Speaker 1:because something's holding you back and actually, if you didn't have all the time in the world, would you act differently? And I think that's a good reminder constantly just what is holding you back? You know, we all hold ourselves back for fear of what people think or fear of making a mess of it, but actually when you have that perspective that we're going to die anyway, yeah, and does it does it really matter? Does it really matter in the great grand scheme of things? Exactly, just bloody, do it. Steve jobs did an amazing. He did an amazing um speech. Uh, I think it was his stanford speech he did. He said something along those lines of you know, if you really are scared of something, just think about the fact that you know we're only here for a very short time. So do not let starting a business, do not let following your dreams, do not let fear hold you back from any of those things, because actually take a step back, look at it from an aerial view and you'll see that. Just do it.
Speaker 1:You know there's nothing stopping you yeah, so and I think he knew that when he was dying that was you know he had that great perspective yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:The thing is we don't want to leave it until we, until that thing happens. We don't want to leave it until that diagnosis or until we lose, and we don't want to leave it until that point when it's too late. We want to, we want to think about it from that perspective now and and also just remember that time goes so fast. I mean, I literally always say this, but I honestly do not understand how it's february't understand it. I don't understand it. How it's February. It doesn't make any sense to me, because it was just Christmas, it was just my birthday. What the hell is going on? Time goes so, but it does and it goes, and the older you get, the quicker it goes. It is terrifying how fast it goes. So, for god's sake, we've got you know, we've got to make the most of it. So, where you know, what are we doing every day? That is a waste of freaking time. It's meaningless, it doesn't like and I have to say this to myself, for example, you know if I am, if I do find myself going down an instagram you know rabbit hole I'm like I had sometimes. I have to pull myself out and go lucy, get off it, just get out of it, get out, I do. You know, we spoke about this before and I am.
Speaker 2:I am pretty strict with myself about Instagram, I have to say, but there are days where I'll you know the same as everybody else I'll just be like I'll just get lost in it, and then 45 minutes has gone by. I'm like, well, I'm never going to get that time back. So how? So how much time are you spending on things that are actually meaningless? And you know how much time do we waste? Because time is the most precious resource that we have. We never get it back, so we have to remember that. We have to remind ourselves of that. Yeah, so remember your death, people. Happy monday, happy monday brilliant, all right.
Speaker 1:Um well, yeah, I really would recommend go and have a look at that. Um tim urban website. Wait, but why? It's really cool, just to see. It just really makes you go shit. My life is so short, uh, and I've just got to live it.
Speaker 2:It's a really good resource. Wait, don't what wait but wait, but whycom, why?
Speaker 1:okay, that's really cool okay, all right.
Speaker 2:All right, babe.
Speaker 1:Speak to you later have a happy day, live it like it's your last I will all right, okay, bye.