MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
So when you’re ready, Let the beautiful menomorphosis begin!
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - What Makes You Come Alive?
On today’s Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about a quote by Howard Thurman which says: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
It may feel like the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but rather than focusing on all the negativity, we can help the world far more by focusing on feeling good within ourselves.
Watching the news 24/7, or talking incessantly about the cost of living and the state of politics might make us feel like we’re doing something, but actually all this does is reinforce all of the bad stuff, and spread even more negativity.
So if you want to help make the world a better place, start by making your own mind a better place to be; because it’s happy, joyful, creative people spreading their light who are truly making a difference.
We hope you’ll find something useful or interesting in here!
Love,
Polly & Lucy x
To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace
Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/
Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 2:This morning we're talking about a quote which is actually one of my very, very favorite quotes. I love it so much and I think it just sparks a really interesting conversation. And the quote cannot remember who the hell it's by. I think it's by somebody called david henry thoreau, I think. Anyway, the quote is don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go. Do that, because what the world needs is people. Who makes you come alive and go. Do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive. So I'll say that one more time it's don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go. Do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
Speaker 2:Now, I just absolutely love this quote and I did a mini-sode this Saturday just gone and the heading of the mini-sode, the subject of the mini-sode, was want to help the world. Focus on yourself. And I think the point of this quote is or the way that I sort of interpret it is, that is that actually the best way for any of us to help the world is to focus on ourselves and basically become the best damn version of ourselves that we possibly can, because actually what the world needs is more happy people, because if the world had more happy people in it, the world would be a happier place. It's as simple as that. If more people were more content, more peaceful, more chilled, happier, more joyful, there is no doubt that there would be a knock-on effect across the world. So actually, um, it's, I just think it is such a brilliant quote.
Speaker 2:And the thing is at the moment. You know, clearly, there is so much shit going on in the world at the moment and you know what's going on in the states don't even get me started, but there is obviously a lot of terrible stuff going on in the world. But actually, what are we doing to help by? You know, tuning into the news 24 7 and moaning and complaining and going on and on and on and on about the state of the world and how awful it is. That actually does nothing to help the world. That is what so many of us do. We just focus on the negative news. We have conversations about it, we go on and on and on about it, we focus on it all the time, and actually what we want to, unless we're actually doing something, taking action to help. We're so much better to take our focus off of the news and off of what is going on. That doesn't mean we don't care, but we're so much better if we take our focus off of those things and focus on ourselves and focus on making ourselves the happiest, most joyful, most positive version of ourselves that we possibly can.
Speaker 2:Because actually I think there's there's a bit of a thing where we think that if we're really engaged in the news and we're up to date on absolutely everything, we know every single news story, we know exactly what's going on and we know every single thing that Donald Trump is currently doing, and we're so informed we we sort of think that if we're really, really informed, that somehow that means that we're doing something really good and that we're kind of helping by just being informed. And somehow that means that we're doing something really good and that we're kind of helping by just being informed. And actually that's bollocks, because just by being informed doesn't mean we're actually doing anything to help the world. So I just thought that this was a really interesting topic and something to think about on this Monday morning.
Speaker 1:So over to you, polly Warren yes, I love it, I love it, I love it. Um, this is a really fantastic quote and I think it just helps you to really just start thinking about yourself and what does make you happy, what does bring you joy. I think for so many of us and this has been, this was me for so many years, although I yeah, I mean it really has been me for so many years you just kind of go through the motions of life. It's like you're on some sort of autopilot and you're just doing what you feel you probably should do and what the world expects of you to. You know you need to bring in money, you support who you need to support, you support yourself, but actually is that genuinely bringing you joy? And the thing is, when we get into that autopilot mode of just doing what we feel we ought to do, doing the shoulds actually our and it's draining. It drains our energy from us and so it doesn't give us any energy to radiate outwards into the wider world. So why I love this quote so much is actually because, if you focus on doing the things which really ignite that joy within you we all know what that's like it we feel it energizes us and we just have, we can then radiate that energy out into the world. It's like I just see, like these little radiators, these these little beings with their kind of shining brightly out in the world. And that's what happens when you are focusing on your joy rather than sucking the life out of everybody else. Because that and I've been there, you know, I've totally been there when you're doing a job which is literally sucking your soul and it just makes you feel heavy, it makes you feel depleted and you drain the energy from everybody else and that's not what the world needs. It drains your creativity, it drains your thoughts, it drains everything it's and and I think the problem is so many of us are stuck in that mode of doing stuff we don't really want to do.
Speaker 1:We're stuck in that cycle because we're doing things, because we have to. You know we have to earn money, so we have to do a job. We've got a good enough job. It's giving us the money and you get in that cycle. And don't get me wrong, you know we've got. Everybody needs to earn a living. But can we find ways, whether that is through your job or whether that's through other ways, that's just through hobbies and things which light you up, which bring that joy, which make you feel totally alive and get into that flow state. Because when you're in that flow state, that is what radiates out to everybody else and that is what is going to serve the world more, much better. Because that is when you're going to have the creative ideas and you're going to input more and probably serve more and have a greater fulfillment from what you're doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, completely. And actually I think this really ties into something I've been talking a lot about recently, which is the idea of living a more intentional life. Because I think, when we you mentioned just now has you know, sometimes, like when we're living a life where we're not really being intentional, in other words, we're just letting life kind of blow us along, we don't feel like we have any control and we're just kind of going along with it, kind of blow us along, we don't feel like we have any control and we're just kind of going along with it. That I think, when we're in that frame of mind and when we're living from that place, that is when we tend to then look at everything external and start, you know, meddling in all the stuff that is going on in the world. Because I think, when you're not particularly happy, when you're not particularly fulfilled, when you and you not particularly fulfilled, when you and you're sort of looking at the world and thinking, oh God, it's because of this, it's because of that, it's because of the other, when, when we're living in that mode, we tend far more, I think, to focus on things like the news. It's like we need that distraction. So you.
Speaker 2:You know, we sort of fill our mind with stuff that doesn't necessarily help us, but we feel like it makes us feel better, because it's kind of distracting us from our from ourselves and from our own lives, whereas when we, when we make the decision to live in a more intentional way, when we're living with a vision of our future, which is what I talk about um, I've been talking about a lot recently because it's something I just believe in more and more and more and more we want to live with a vision of our future in mind.
Speaker 2:We're going to have this, this vision in our heads of where we're going, and we want to be defined by that vision, as opposed to being defined by all of the limiting stories from our past and all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Because when we do that, when we live from that, when we live from those limiting beliefs, that is when we tend to fall into these sort of bad habits of watching the news 24, 7, um, getting really annoyed by silly little things and just being in that sort of more negative mindset, whereas when you're, when you're being guided and when you're being defined by that vision of your future, you aren't so, um, you're, you're, you're, you're distracted by that, but in a really good way, so you're not so obsessed with everything else that is going on in the external world does that make sense a total sense you know what I mean, because when you're, because when you are not particularly happy in doing, doing what you're, whatever it is you doing, that's when you become very judgy of yourself and that's when you're probably really beating yourself up with your internal world and your internal thoughts.
Speaker 1:But you also become very judgy and judgmental of everybody else around you, everything around you, what's going on. You're far more likely to criticize others, the world, the news, the politics and kind of get stuck in that wheel of negativity because you're projecting externally, whereas if you're internally really joyful and happy and fulfilled, then there's's actually it's very hard to be judgy on everybody else, because actually it's more like you're radiating your good vibes outwards and that's catching, and then you attract more of those good people, those good things towards you.
Speaker 1:It really does work like that, and I'm not saying and I'm not saying it's easy because we all go in. I don't know about you, but I go in real cycles, you know some. Most of the time I hope my default is is pretty upbeat and I have. I kind of know where I'm going and I'm, you know, I'm very fortunate because I've created this life for myself, but I do what I love. I do what I love. There are moments don't get me wrong where I'm just I get frustrated and things aren't working, my going my way and it's like you know, it's really annoying and then. But what I I notice now is when I do start to get into that mode of oh my god, life's not working out for me. I can catch myself very quickly now because it's I've trained myself to, to have that awareness and that's what's so important. If you can have that awareness and pull yourself back and go. Actually, let's take a step back, let's broaden the perspective of where I'm coming from here, and this is what it's all about. It's about perspective.
Speaker 1:When you're not in that flow state, when you're not happy, you're generally probably going to be quite stressed. And when you're quite stressed, very easily you become much more hyper vigilant. Because if you think, when you're in a stress state, you're you. If you need to run for survival, you're only focused on one thing, and that can be very easy to, as you say, focus on the news, focus on the negative stuff, and that's just a physiological response to, to stress. But when actually your, your default mode is much more open, relaxed, um you are, you tend to be within your window of tolerance and that is when creativity flows, you have a much more, you're able to see the bigger picture. You're not able to see the bigger picture when you're really in a state of negativity and stress, but you can when you, when you're in a really good place.
Speaker 1:It makes such a massive difference and I think a lot of people don't realize that it is a physiological response, uh, to to how you are feeling. So I suppose, lucy, we could maybe talk about how do we, how, if someone you know, how do we get to that point? How does you know? How do you create it? You said that you put your blinkers on. You think about your vision, but then, on day-to-day stuff, what do you do? Let's just maybe say what we do to try and create that environment for ourselves well we have.
Speaker 2:We have to make a decision to start focusing on different things. It really is as simple as that. We have to, but it starts with. It starts with becoming aware of what we're actually doing in our own heads. But the first thing we have to do is realize what we're doing and how we're thinking. And how how we're thinking and what we're focusing on is is is causing us to feel a certain way. It's really actually very simple.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean it's easy, and actually one sort of interesting thing I think we've talked about this before is the fact that it's actually so much easier to be negative. It's so much easier to be a sheep and go along with what everyone else is doing, because most people are talking about, oh, the fucking state of the world and politics and the cost of living. That's what most people are talking about. Like you walk into a freaking coffee shop or whatever it is and you know people aren't going. Oh, yes, everything is so wonderful and blah, blah, blah, but but actually what's really interesting is that the world is is both of those things. The world is both really fucking shit and in a completely shit state. It's also really beautiful, with a lot of amazing, wonderful things and wonderful, amazing people do wonderful, amazing things. We get to choose which version of the world we actually want to see. We have to choose to put on the glasses that have the right lens and that is what we have to do right lens, and that is what we have to do. And then, so yeah, it's, it's really a question of of making that decision and being vigilant every day. We've talked about this so many times on on on monday.
Speaker 2:Motivation it's like we have to check in with our thoughts. I check in with myself multiple times a day and the way that I do that is because I've been, you know, doing this sort of inner work for four or five years. So actually I've become, have you, we've both become so practiced that it becomes it's more automatic for us, like I don't have to think about it so much anymore because it just comes automatically. But the way to kind of train your brain because essentially that is what we want to do we want to train our brains to think in a certain way, so that we see the world in a certain way, in a way that's going to serve us and the world. So it's really things like putting reminders in your phone. I have two apps. I have an app called I am and I have an app called motivation, both of which are constantly popping up positive affirmations on my phone every 45 minutes, every day, every week, every month. You know, 24 7 makes a massive difference. Also, I am obsessive, as you know we've talked about this before too about what I'm listening to.
Speaker 2:So you know, in the morning I would, I would really encourage people to not turn fucking news on first thing in the morning. Don't do it, because that is going to set your tone for the day. It's going to make you feel anxious, it's going to make you feel worried. It's going to make you feel stressed. Instead of that, when to make you feel stressed, instead of that, when you wake up in the morning, turn on a podcast. A podcast that is going to be really inspirational and it's going to be really motivational. It's going to make you feel good.
Speaker 2:We have to lean into the things that actually make us feel good and then it's really. The thing is. Cultivating joy is actually so simple. It's just that we forget that we need to do it and we forget that it's a choice and it's really simple. Things like going for a walk in nature and just being really mindful and noticing everything that's around you. It is noticing how amazing your pet is and how much you love your pet and and you know, just looking at them and just going oh my god, you're so wonderful we can cultivate joy. And with this, you know, it's all about being grateful actually for the the really simple everyday things. Those are the things we want to focus on, those everyday things that we forget to appreciate because we're too busy being stressed, we're too busy by being taken away by this or that or the other, or the news or the tv or whatever it is. So, really, it is a question of just making a conscious decision to choose where you're placing your focus, because what we just don't realize is that what we're placing our focus on is is is, you know, making us think certain thoughts, which is making us feel a certain way. It's having such a massive impact. So we have to take responsibility for our own selves.
Speaker 2:And again, going back to the quote, don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go. Do it, because what the world needs is what is people who have come alive. So think about the things that make you feel alive and do them like it's just. It's as simple as that. It doesn't have to be anything major. It can be literally doing a workout that makes you feel good. It can be listening to a podcast that makes you feel good and alive and inspired. It can be going for a walk, it can be reading a book. Whatever it is, do something that makes you feel alive, that makes you feel joyful, and do it every fucking day, not 24 7.
Speaker 2:Yes, we all have to work, or most of us have to work, and and that's fine, but it's it's. I think it's really important to you. Know, we we have to take, when you're sort of not at work, you've got to take back control of your mind. You know, it's those moments where you're at home doing the washing up or cooking sucker supper. Where is your mind then?
Speaker 2:What are you focusing on when you're at, when you're at home doing the washing up or cooking supper, where is your mind then? What are you focusing on when you're not actually at work? So, in all of that downtime, whether it's the morning when you're getting ready, or your lunch break, or when you come home or the evening where are you placing your focus in those moments, because, obviously, when we're at work, we kind of just get sucked back into the program, we get sucked back into the matrix, we just go on autopilot. But when we're not there, doing whatever it is that we have to do to pay the mortgage, we've got to start noticing where we're placing our focus in those other times during the day and make sure that we're choosing to at least spend a little bit of time every day doing something that makes us feel good, because, again, what is best for the whole world is people who are feeling good, because people who are feeling good in themselves are doing good. Yeah, you know, they're serving other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah exactly and, by the way, is not toxic positivity. Some people might go, oh my God, it's not. It's not brushing over the crap stuff and not feeling our feelings. It's not that. It's totally different, because that you know.
Speaker 1:If you're toxic, positivity is when you're not acknowledging when things actually are really, really not going well and you need to feel those feelings not going well and you need to feel those feelings. This is more about changing your perspective, changing, as you said, the lens through which you are seeing the world. And are you a glass half full or are you a glass half empty? And a lot of people will say, oh, I've always been a glass half empty. And if that's you, if you're, you're somebody who says that then how can you, how can you change that so you're a glass half full? How can you shift that focus? Because actually, you totally get to choose and for me it has been absolutely transformational when I'm faced with something which either might make me feel a little bit nervous or anxious, or scared or pissed off. Having that awareness, once you've built that into your every day, is just so powerful because you get to to have a moment where you can take that step back and go okay, I don't. Okay, I'm feeling a little bit anxious now, but do I really need to feel like that? Can I slightly shift my focus? Can I slightly reframe this so that I can see the good that might come out of the situation? And that is often the biggest learning, when we can actually say, actually, this is actually doing me more good than harm.
Speaker 1:For example, as I was saying in our first, our first round, before it we went, instagram kicked me out. You know, I said goodbye to my middle child yesterday at the airport. He's off for a few months off to Thailand and Vietnam and Laos and Cambodia all those countries on his own, and I honestly was like, oh my god, I, you know I could be really sitting here wallowing because I'm going to miss him so much and worry about him, but actually I've just got to keep focused on the fact that it's going to do him the world of good and he is going to have the best time. And, as I said to him, there are going to be moments which are feeling which are really shit, and it's going to be you're going to be so out of your comfort zone, feeling which are really shit, and it's going to be, you're going to be so out of your comfort zone, but just always try in those moments to just take a step back and go okay, this is a shit moment, I am so out of my comfort zone, but on the other side of this, I'm going to, firstly, have learned so much about myself and that I'm able to get through it, because it's like you always will get through it and it's like what can you take from those those lessons? Look at it from that point of view. Rather than going, oh my god, this is shit and I want to go home. And this isn't that terrible, you know, and and like what's happening to me, there's always something good on the other side, you'll learn something about yourself. So, yeah, I think, also in terms of of trying to get into that state where things feel good, just try and notice in your every day what those things are.
Speaker 1:So if you are, for example, somebody who goes, well, I don't really know what makes me good. It just all feels a bit of a grind. Think back to those times when you have felt good. It might even be having to go back as far as childhood and think what were the things which really light up your soul. So I've recently restarted playing the piano. That's bringing me so much joy.
Speaker 1:Uh and again, it's just I'm not particularly good but I'm I love it. I get so lost in the moment. It's when it's those activities or those things that you do where suddenly time just flies by. You're so lost in it. It just fills up your soul. So it's about trying to find more of those sorts of things For me. You know I'm so lucky that I love what I do work-wise, when I'm leading a breathwork session or those moments. They just fly by.
Speaker 1:So it's about finding those, reminding yourself of those things that you just love to do. Is it just sinking into a book and loving reading a book for it for a little while, instead of watching a really scary, terrifying thing on tv? That's you know. And I love a good drama, don't get me long.
Speaker 1:I do love a good drama, but more and more I've just become, you know, I don't want to watch stuff which makes me, makes me feel really bloody crap at the end of it. I want to watch stuff which really fills me up and it's. Or if you do watch a really good drama which does make you feel scared or whatever, then great, that's fine, but make sure that afterwards you kind of bring yourself back to a place where you're feeling good again. It's all those feelings are really important. It's it's sending energy out into the world and it's it's as I say, I just like to see it like you are just shining your light outwards and that is so powerful. And then the thing about the ripples of the other people who you come into in your day-to-day and it might be family members, it might be the person you speak to in the coffee shop, it they all those people will be affected by your energy. It's really powerful it is.
Speaker 2:It's so powerful, it's so true and you know, like you say, the more you know. When we are feeling really good in ourselves like you say we are we are literally spreading that out into the world, because your vibe, your energy is what you are literally putting out into the world. And when you're feeling joyful and you're feeling good, then you are literally passing that on someone. It could be that someone's having a really shit day and they have an interaction with you and you're feeling good, then you are literally passing that on someone. It could be that someone's having a really shit day and they have an interaction with you and you end up being really kind or funny or whatever it is that can then change their mood and therefore their day. So it really really is a ripple effect. And going back to what you were saying about toxic positivity yeah, this is not toxic positivity, because we are not saying you have to be happy 24 7. That's obviously a load of bollocks and not possible. And bad shit is always going to happen, always. It's coming for all of us. We can't escape it. But what we can do is try and live from the most positive mindset we possibly can, which doesn't mean being positive all the time. Not at all. I'm not positive all the time. You mean being positive all the time? Not at all. I'm not positive all the time. You're not positive all the time. But what it means is that actually, when you come from a more, when you cultivate a more positive mindset, actually, apart from anything else, it helps you deal with the shite that life throws at you better. You know, for example, you know you might fail at something, something might go wrong, and if you have a really negative mindset which, by the way, I used to then you might be like oh my god, everything's so shit. Why is this always happening to me? Oh yeah, that is the result of a negative mindset, whereas when you have a positive mindset and something really shit happens and something fails in your business or you fuck up, whatever it is, you're much more likely to go okay. That's really annoying. But you know what? I'm not going to allow this to get to me. This is not. This doesn't mean everything. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. What can I learn from this? You know that's the difference. It is so. It is the difference between living a life where you cultivate a positive mindset or where you're living from a negative mindset. And to circle back to you know the reason we're having this conversation.
Speaker 2:Off the back of this quote, like ask yourselves yes, the world may be in a shit state, but actually, how much time are you spending simply focusing on all of the bad crap and actually having conversations about how shit everything is and therefore putting more of the negativity out into the world? Ask yourself, how much time are you spending engaging in conversations and ruminating on on all the shit that is happening, like if you're freaking out about what's going on in the states? How how many hours in the day are you allowing yourself to be distracted by that? How much are you allowing yourself to think about donald trump and what the fuck is going to happen to the world because he's back in power? How much of your, how much focus are you putting on him?
Speaker 2:You know, don't do that, because it is not going to help you. It is not going to help the world and it sure as hell not going to stop whatever he's going to do. But the best thing to do is to take your focus off of that or off of the fact that, yes, prices are really high and blah, blah, blah. We know that. We know that we don't need to go on and on and on. We don't need to go over and over and over it. Actually, what we want to do is go inwards and do everything that we can to make ourselves feel as good as possible, because then we're literally putting more joy out into the world, which, again, is the best way and the only way that this world is ever going to change and also on that, you might think, oh, how am I going?
Speaker 1:how is little me going to make such a big difference? But actually, if you think, the more people who do this, who radiate and shine their light, all of that energy is just going to just have a bigger, bigger impact. So, yes, everybody was as important as everybody else and the world needs people to be in their flow state, to be creating, designing, making, having those amazing creative thoughts, innovation. That's how we have got to where we've got to in our, you know, in this, in this, you know society today, because, because of people who've been in those flow states because, if you were, everyone was just doing what they thought they ought to be doing and just going through the motions, then nothing new happens. It's just, you know, trudging along.
Speaker 1:And actually that's what the beauty is of this world is creativity and and and and moving forward. We, we're human beings who grow and thrive on growth. So that's what we, that's what we're here for, I believe. So it's just about remembering that and, yeah, sometimes you have to kind of knuckle down and and get on with what you're getting on with, but it doesn't mean that you can't feel good about it, and and continue to nurture those things in your life which really do make you fill you up, fill your soul, make you feel fulfilled. Giving out to other people ultimately, that's what makes us feel. Most of us feel good is when you're you're giving out to other people and sharing, sharing your love and so so yeah so true, well, I think we've, I think we've done our half hour we're gonna be back on thursday, aren't we?
Speaker 1:because we've got an extra one yeah, we're not.
Speaker 2:We're not doing this time next week, but we'll be back the following monday, so we're doing another one this coming thursday, um but yeah, it's been a joy. I'll see you back with thursday at half past 10. Yeah, perfect.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely all right thank you everybody, thanks a lot.