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Thursday Thoughts - The Stories We Tell Ourselves

• Polly Warren

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On this week’s Thursday's Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about the stories we tell ourselves - the ones that shape our beliefs, actions, and ultimately, our lives.

Many of these narratives stem from childhood experiences, societal expectations, or past failures. While some empower us, others hold us back.

But when we take a step back and challenge these stories, we often realise they’re not absolute truths—just perspectives we’ve adopted along the way.

The good news? We have the power to rewrite our own stories and create a future that truly aligns with who we are.

We hope you find something useful in here.

Love,
Polly & Lucy xx

To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So, if you're ready, here we go.

Speaker 1:

Today, we are talking about the stories that we tell ourselves. So we I mean this this is obviously very similar to sort of our limiting beliefs, but actually we can tell ourselves all sorts of stories, both positive and negative stories, and it's really really important to make sure that we understand the stories that we are, that we are feeding ourselves. So, for example, you know, for a long time I fed myself the story that I'm I'm a shy person. I identified with being a shy person and the reason for that. When I look back over the course of my life a little girl as a five-year-old, as a three-year-old I used to constantly hide behind my parents legs and not want to talk to anyone. So I I didn't really I wasn't really a big extrovert, but that kind of gave me this label that I was someone who was shy, I didn't like to talk to people, and I have hidden behind that label for such for most of my life and didn't really ever question it. It was very much like this is who I am, because I would feel unconfident in social situations where there was a lot of people there and I had to talk and it was much more comfortable just to stand back and hold back. But actually what I realize now is, yes, maybe I'm not a natural extrovert and feel naturally totally comfortable when there's a load of people in front of me. But what I realize now is actually I can change that story. I don't have to have that label of being a shy person. Actually I can say well, sometimes I find I feel more comfortable when there's a smaller group, or if I I don't read, or I feel more comfortable if I'm standing up talking to, you know, just a few people in a big crowd. But actually I can be that confident person. It's not that I'm shy, it's not that I can't do it, it's just so. It's totally possible to change that story and I have changed that story. I don't necessarily identify with that anymore.

Speaker 1:

So what we're saying here is that it's really important to understand the labels that you give yourself or someone else has given to you throughout your life. It might just have been a teacher at school who made out who you hated and made out that you were terrible at maths, and ever since then you've always identified with that going I'm really bad at maths, I can't do maths because perhaps you had terrible teachers. You didn't do so well in your exams and you've now given yourself that label and so you give up, you avoid any maths. It doesn't mean you can't do numbers. It just means that in that situation you you didn't, you didn't, you weren't given the best possible chance to do it and maybe you are better up at other things.

Speaker 1:

But do you need to have that label? You probably, if you sat down and got your head around it, you probably could get you get by. You need to have that label. You probably, if you sat down and put got your head around it, you probably could get you get by. You need to do what you need to do so. What we're just saying here is it's just very good just to question those stories in your mind and feed it with a new story, because your mind doesn't know the difference. So you can actually start to reprogram your mind with really positive thoughts, positive stories, the ones that you want to believe. So I am confident I can stand up in front of a group of people and talk very confidently. These are the types of stories which are much more empowering for all of us.

Speaker 2:

Totally funny enough, maths was one story that I've always had and I still tell myself that I'm shit at math, so it's rubbish at maths at school, um, but I think actually had and I still tell myself that I'm shit at maths, so it's rubbish at maths at school, um, but I think actually, looking back, I just I just didn't give a shit, so I so it didn't work. I just I couldn't have given a shit about maths, so I didn't do the work required to get it. I like I failed my maths GCSE first time. I had to retake it because I just didn't enjoy it.

Speaker 2:

Um, but one of one of my big stories that I told myself and still sometimes do so I'm the middle child of an older sister and a younger brother and I had the story since I was young that I was the stupid one and they were the brainy ones. Like, I still have that story somewhere in my subconscious mind. I still have that story somewhere in my subconscious mind and even though I I know it's not true, but it's just such a kind of fixed story, um, that I've had for years and years and years and years. And, like I say now you know I have worked on that and it doesn't play out in the same way that it used to, but actually, to a certain extent, um, I still kind of become that person. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1:

well, totally, situations my in my family. My sister felt exactly the same.

Speaker 1:

She always thought that she was the stupid one. Uh, she was sort of put in and and it's no fault of anybody's, but it's but parents, schools, culture, whatever can put you into a box. So my sister and I were put into boxes. I was the bright one and she was the arty, more creative one. So I always thought I was absolutely crap at anything creative and arty, which is absolute bullshit. And she always thought that she was really really not very clever, which, again, is complete rubbish.

Speaker 1:

And those are the labels we were given. And so that there, you, you start to believe them and you start to act, act them out and play into that and use them as excuses or use them. Yeah, you, just, you just label yourself and you merge with that identity. Yeah, rather than question it, going no, that's, that's actually totally not true. Uh, so, yeah, I totally under, I totally get it. Yeah, um, because for me, yeah, it was. It was kind of creativity and art, you know, being artistic, and I always thought and I still do to some extent think, I'm absolutely crap at art but actually so creative in so many other ways, um, it's so weird, isn't it?

Speaker 2:

I, I had it that. Um, I was always the musical one. So my brother and sister were academic and super bright. I was good at music, but it was like that that was. You know, it felt to me like that was a way of saying that I just wasn't the bright one because I was good do you know what I mean rather than, oh, the fact that you're really good at music is, is like this, this great thing?

Speaker 2:

to me it was, it was a less than thing. So it's, it's fascinating, how fascinating how we do this and actually I think this kind of. We've talked about growth mindsets before. I think this um kind of feeds into the idea of a growth mindset, because when what's?

Speaker 2:

What's the other one called I've completely forgotten the name if you're growth minded or if you're um, what's the, what's the, the term, god I can't remember fixed. Thank you, yeah, um, and I think that it's so important to have a growth mindset and, apart from anything else, when it comes to sort of intelligence and all that kind of stuff. Number one we've talked about this before the most successful people are not necessarily the brightest people but quote unquote brainy people. It's just not the way that the world works, because actually it's a lot more to do with persistence and consistency and not giving up and a million different things that can create success or bring somebody success. But I think it's really important that we sort of will learn about growth mindset and and what I've completely thought, the author of um, of that brilliant book, mindset by.

Speaker 2:

Carol Dweck. Yeah, carol Dweck, I mean she's done all the research on all she's. She's. You know she's written a very kind. It was a very sort of um. I actually found it quite a hard going book. It's definitely not a light read but it's very, very interesting.

Speaker 2:

The research that she sort of cites in that book to do with the difference between a growth mindset and and a fixed mindset, and oh, oh, that's so weird. Sorry, something sorry. I just got distracted because I've got my phone leaning up against my laptop and suddenly the screen went a bit weird. I don't know what's going on, um, but yeah, it's.

Speaker 2:

Growth mindsets are when you, when you realize that actually nothing is fixed and that you absolutely can learn a new skill. I think we hold ourselves back with these stories that we tell ourselves and that is very much, you know, a sign of having a fixed mindset, whereas when you have a growth mindset, which is kind of open to learning, you realise that actually, if you decide to, you can learn to do anything you freaking well want, and that's something you know. For example, going back back to my maths example, that I was always shit at maths, I'm pretty sure that if I just put my mind on. You know, if I, if I, if I decided to do whatever it was in terms of maths, then I'd be perfectly capable of doing. It's just the fact is that at the time I didn't care and blah, blah, blah blah. So I've just ended up with this story that's just continued throughout my life, that I'm really bad at maths but we all do it, don't we?

Speaker 2:

like you said. You so rightly said. You know we have to choose the stories that we want to tell ourselves, because we do get to choose them and, like you, with confidence, you decided to let go of that story telling you that you were really, really shy and actually now and that's made a really big difference because you're like no, no, no, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna take this, this, this story, through the rest of my life with me. I'm not. You know, I don't have to think of myself as shy and I'm perfectly capable of building my own confidence.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and honestly, that is such a common one, I think, and it's yeah. At the same time, it's kind of quite an easy one to change, because you just have to notice that thought and I still get those feelings before I walk into a room or before I'm about to do something or present something, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've got to do this thing, which makes me feel immensely uncomfortable. But now I'm like, oh my gosh, I've got to do this thing, which makes me feel immensely uncomfortable. But now I'm aware of it, you know, I can take a few deep breaths and I literally change my posture, shoulders back, stand up straight, say to myself, tell myself, I've totally got this, I have something really great to share. And it makes all the difference just how you hold yourself walking into that room with that.

Speaker 1:

If you're telling yourself a story like, oh, I'm shy, I hate this, and your shoulders sort of curl, you lean forward, you're, you know you, everything changes about you. But if you, when you're telling yourself, I'm confident, I've got this, I can do this, this, these, these feelings I'm feeling are actually excitement, they're not fear, and it can change everything. And once you start to experience those types of feelings and thoughts, then naturally your brain is going to associate those experiences more with those feelings and so naturally you become more confident every time you're put in that situation. And then we've also got the confirmation bias. You know we are programmed to always seek what we, what we want, what we, what we're focusing our attention on what we believe and and what we believe.

Speaker 1:

So if we believe that we're really, for example I mean, I'm using this example but if we believe that we are really shy, we haven't got any confidence, we can't do something or nothing ever works out for us, or oh, I'm so unlucky if we believe all of that, then we're going to just find more of it because our, our, our detecting system inside of our brain, we'll just find more examples of that because it's just looking to, to confirm that. That's what my experience is. But if we shift that to our thoughts, to our behaviours, to the stories that we tell ourselves, we can shift it to more positive stories. Then we're going to find more examples of when we're absolutely bossing it and we're capable and we're everything we want to be.

Speaker 1:

Uh, because our brains are plastic, you know, because of neuroplasticity, we can absolutely change the way that we think about things. So that's the coolest thing and that actually has only been discovered relatively recently in in terms of in terms of neuroscience, that we can actually change. We are not set in our ways. It was always believed that you are what you are and that's your personality, but it's absolutely not true whatsoever. We can reprogram ourselves to become who we want to become, so we can stand up to all we can. But you know, yeah, we can learn what we want to what we need in order to become that person.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, completely and you're right, it was, I think it.

Speaker 2:

I think I'm right in saying it was only in about the last 10 or 15 years that neuroplasticity came, this became this thing, that people understood that, like you say, that we have the, we can literally rewire our brains and and that's really bloody exciting because as we, as you and I know, we've talked about this I'm sure on Thursday Thoughts before, monday, motivation before. But you know, we are being run by our subconscious. 95 percent of our life is being run by our subconscious beliefs, but the great news is that we can choose new beliefs that tell ourselves. You know a different story and this is where things like meditation come in really well. And you know things like affirmations that I go on and on about, because I think affirmations are absolutely brilliant, and when you listen to affirmations or you say affirmations first thing in the morning, when your brain is, you know when you listen to affirmations or you say affirmations first thing in the morning, when your brain is, you know when you're still in that kind of sleepy state and your, your subconscious mind, is much more receptive. We can literally reprogram, rewire our brains. It's as simple as that, and and also it's about becoming the version of the you that you want to be. It's about making a decision about who you want to be and leaning into that and I look back at myself and I just, I mean, I'm still the same person as I ever was, of course, but I'm also really different to how I used to be. And I look back at myself in my teenage years, my 20s and my 30s and, you know, I'm just. I I feel so differently about so many things in it and it's because of all the sort of inner work I've done over the last four or five years. I've managed to really change the way that I think.

Speaker 2:

And ultimately, it's about cultivating that positive mindset that we talk about so much and, you know, always feel like you've got to say no, this isn't about toxic positivity, because people have got such a thing about, about toxic positivity. But cultivating a positive mindset is not the same thing as being toxically positive. Cultivating a positive mindset actually just makes your life a lot easier. When you, when you start seeing things and start interpreting things in a more positive way and you start looking at life through a more positive lens, it doesn't stop the bad shit, obviously. It just means actually, when you come from a place of positivity more than negativity, you can actually handle all the shit that life throws at you a lot better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, whereas you know, rather than coming from that sort of victim mentality and that really sort of negative mindset that so many of us have, and you know, especially at the moment, the way that people are thinking about the world at the moment and I think we talked was it last week that we talked about this that ultimately, the world is both beautiful and completely fucked up, but, depending on the lens through which you are looking, that is what you're going to find. So if you are looking through a lens of oh my god, the world is just all gone to shit, then that's what you are going to find. If you are looking through a lens of oh my God, the world is just all gone to shit, then that's what you are going to find. If you're looking through a lens of the world is incredible and beautiful and people are good, that is what you're going to find. So it always comes down to that awareness and that choice that we make, because it is a choice.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, and I think a big thing, part of it is just questioning some of those thoughts. I mean, as we always say, it comes back. Questioning some of those thoughts. I mean, as we always say, it comes back first of all, to awareness. You've got to obviously be aware of what is popping into your head.

Speaker 1:

So if you, for example, I mean, a really common belief is but money, you know this. So we all have our own money stories, again, because of the way we've been brought up or for one experience or another which we've, which we've had. But it's just a matter of questioning that, because for so long, I don't know about you, you just think that's everybody believes what you believe, that you just think that's normal. But actually, when you gosh, every, every single person, I think, has a money story of some point, of some of some value. Well, I don't know a money story of some point of some value. Well, I don't know if it's value or not, but it's there, and so it's really important to question that. It's like is that actually true? Is that actually what I want to believe? And often so many of us have a real sense of lack when it comes to money as opposed to abundance, and actually that is something which has been said to you or something that you've been, you know, you've led to believe and actually perhaps isn't necessarily true. So it's something to really start to think about.

Speaker 1:

Rather than thinking, you know, for example, I'll never be good with money, you can start to reframe that, as, in you know, I'm actually learning to to make better financial choices for myself.

Speaker 1:

It's just a different way of looking at it, um, but this is why I love. This is why I love things. Well, I, why I love my breathwork sessions in the mornings, which I also guide for others, is because we always have an intention each morning, and when you do something like breathwork and you quiet your mind and you get into your body, you're kind of taking your prefrontal cortex off, which is your thinking brain. You're taking that offline, so actually you can program yourself, your subconscious, much more easily, and so the suggestions that you make to yourself or that I make as a guide can actually really sink in much, much more easily, and so a lot of what I do is like is self-worth, you are good enough, your confidence, all those, all those amazing feelings which make you feel great, because actually, once you take away that thinking brain, feelings which make you feel great, because actually once you take away that thinking brain, you can get right down into those core beliefs and really start to question them and and put the ones in that you want yeah, completely.

Speaker 2:

It's so true. I'm just trying to think if we can give some like practical tips apart, for I mean, I I would always say do some affirmations to change your you know, change your subconscious beliefs, because we had. That's the thing. It's like we can tell ourselves something a million times over in our conscious mind, but actually it's just going to, it's going to land. So, for example, if you do affirmations in the middle of the day, when you're wide awake, if you suddenly go, I am enough, I am abundant, I am you know, I am worthy, I am financially free. When you do affirmations when your brain is in I can't remember what, what brainwave state, but when you're wide awake, that is just literally gonna. When you say those affirmations at that time of day, they're just, they're not going to go any further than your conscious mind. Which is why it's so crucial to do these kinds of practices, um, in a state of when your brainwaves are really slowed down, ie when you've just got up or before you're just drifting off to sleep.

Speaker 2:

And I do this thing where, when I lie in beds, um, I do a bit of like visualization as I'm going to sleep, um, I try and, and actually this is. This is a good practice for anyone to get into, just because I think it's. It's so easy to sort of get into bed at night and you know line, worry about this or worry about that or feel anxious about this or that. But if you can get into a habit of feeding your mind as you're going to sleep with the things that you're grateful for, that's it. It's it's a real. I found that to be a really, really good practice. So now it's automatic for me, when I lie down in bed, to think about what I'm grateful for and to do a little bit of a visualization about my, of my future life, which I also do in the morning when I'm meditating.

Speaker 2:

Um, in fact, speaking of meditations, I kind of say the more you meditate, the more, the better it gets, I find. And what is so interesting is that I started doing longer meditations recently and I've been doing them kind of up to an hour, and I did one this morning. I didn't even have music this morning. What is incredible is, when you are meditating and you are so dropped into that state, you are so in the kind of 5d rather than the 3d, when you are so in that sort of higher part of yourself and that kind of consciousness that awareness time goes like that. It's unbelievable. And this morning, that exact that is exactly what happened to me. I did an hour and when I opened my eyes and checked my phone to see what time it was, I was like, oh my God, I've been meditating for an hour and it literally felt like five or ten minutes. It's quite incredible. Time is an illusion.

Speaker 2:

But, that's another thing altogether. I'm not sure I'm remotely qualified to talk about that, but it's very interesting Time is, you know, it's relativity's very interesting time is, you know, it's relativity isn't it yeah? And but it's. But it's so interesting how you can go into meditation for an hour and it can literally feel like five minutes and you're not asleep. You are still conscious, it's, but the time just flies.

Speaker 1:

It's wild it is crazy. I always get that after my longer breathwork sessions, which I do with people, they're always like, oh my god, was that, was that an hour? And it's like, yeah, it's like my god, it felt like five minutes, days like that. But that's when your thinking brain gets out the way, exactly, and you, you're just kind of in, you're just in. Wherever you're not, you're not thinking and it's but that's the key to our subconscious mind.

Speaker 2:

That is like opening the door, opening the lock to our subconscious mind. When you are in that state whether it's through breath work or through meditation that is when your subconscious mind is really, really, really open to suggestion. So if you want to, if you want to change a belief, or if you want to change a story and tell yourself a different story, that is the time to do it, because that is when it's actually going to be able to get through the five percent of your conscious mind into the 95 that is your subconscious mind. And we have to remind ourselves often that we, that our subconscious mind is, is driving the show of our lives. It's as simple as that, which is why it's so incredibly important to make sure that the things that are in our subconscious mind are things that are serving us, not things that aren't serving us. You know.

Speaker 1:

And also you can get into that subconscious mind, though, when you're in that flow state. So, if you don't necessarily have been meditating or doing breath work, you can also be doing something you absolutely love which is giving you joy Because, again, in those moments, that's when time is just fle, fleeting, it just goes so quickly. Yeah, that's when you know you're in a real flow state and you, your thinking brains again gone offline. If you're very creative and you're doing some artwork, or if you're playing your music, you know, you probably know this through music if you're doing something, it you're just in it, and occasionally it's happened when I've been running doesn't happen enough. I'd like it to happen more, but, um, but it is.

Speaker 1:

It's those moments when you're just so involved and in that flow state and that, ultimately is is the goal, I think, always, whatever you're doing, I mean, I can sit and write something or do something, or you know, and I for me, if I'm making playlists, or then I'm in that state, I just love it and time just goes, yeah, so, um, yeah, it's just about fine asking yourself what are those things I absolutely love to do? Do more of them. I know we're always saying, well, I don't have time. I don't have time and I'm I'm the same, but it's about right. Can I make a little bit more time to do those things? You know, maybe it's writing, maybe whatever it is. It's really such a positive thing to be able to, to do more of what you love, because when you're doing that you are fully aligned to who you are. That's when you know you. That is what your, your soul is crying out for you to do, and and just do more of that because you know you're in, everything's working for you.

Speaker 2:

It's just like you're in the flow, it's all good totally well, that is when you were, that is when you are on the frequency of the things that you want. Yes, when you are in that flow state, when you are in that alignment, that is when you are, you are vibrating on the same frequency as the things that you want and that is how you start to draw them into your life. You know, like I, I talk so much about energy and frequency and I, because it's it's just, I believe so strongly that it is, it's so, so, so important and life is a game of energy. You know, we're playing this sort of dance with the universe and we've got a, and this is why you and I talk so much about prioritizing joy, prioritizing the things that make you feel good, because ultimately, life is a dance with energy. It's a game, it's knowing how to play the energy of the universe, because we are all energy, 99.99999% energy.

Speaker 2:

All of us are vibrating all the time, different speeds, different frequencies. So you know, we have to just continually check in with ourselves. What frequency am I vibrating on right now? What radio station am I tuned into? Am I choosing tuned into lack fm or or not, you know? And if I am, what do I want to be tuned into. What frequency am I vibrating on?

Speaker 2:

It's so important because we are going to get more in our life of what we put out. So it's like we are a mirror. It's like whatever it is that we are putting out there is what we're going to get, we're going to reflect, is going to reflect back in our external life. And I know that sounds really woo, but actually it's not. It's actually quantum science. It really truly is.

Speaker 2:

I find this whole thing absolutely fascinating. But I think when you, when you kind of realize that life really is just a, it's learning to play with energy, then it can get really fun, you know, and and then really exciting things start to happen when you start aligning your energy with the things that you want rather than things that you don't want. But we are just all so used to to focusing on the things that we don't want rather than things we do want. We end up worrying about this or worrying about that, rather than being led by, like a vision of where we want to go and focusing on that. Yeah, and you know we tend to look back instead of looking forward. Yeah, anyway, we've talked about that. We've talked about that on another.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Well, yeah, yeah. So I think. Well, I think that's probably everything we've got to say today, but it's so true, things feel. Say today um, but it's so true, things feel, things come to you when you are fully aligned and your energy is right. I'm off to Dubai on Sunday that just landed in my lap to go and do some breath work, which is so exciting. But thing, you know these things, it just suddenly, when you, when something just comes to you and it's just so easy and feels so good, then you know that that's yeah, that's great, that's when you're in the right, you're in the right place.

Speaker 1:

Don't get me wrong, though. You know. Yesterday, for example, I was in a right old funk and I knew it and I kept kind of saying why am I in a funk? I've got nothing. There's nothing bad in my life which I should be in such a funk about, but I just couldn't get myself out of it. Thankfully, this morning I've woken up and I feel bad, I feel out of. So sometimes you are just going to not feel as bright and breezy as you'd like to be but it's, it's.

Speaker 1:

it's just kind of going with that, but knowing that you can get back to your set point, which hopefully is of a higher vibration, and just you know, go for that Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's been a joy. Have fun in Dubai.

Speaker 1:

Thanks, thanks. Yes, I looking forward to hearing about it. Yeah, thank you. All right, um, thank you, we'll be back. We'll be here on monday. We will be here.

Speaker 2:

I don't know monday, the following monday, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, all right, okay, have a great time.