MENOMORPHOSIS

#115: How to Take Charge of Your Future & Escape The Autopilot Trap

• Polly Warren

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Are you living with purpose, or just reacting to life as it happens, yet feel like there must be more to life than just this? 

In this episode, we dive into why getting super clear on what you want is the secret to creating a life that truly excites you. If you don’t decide what you want, life will decide for you.

We’ll explore:
 🔥 The hidden trap of drifting through life (and how to escape it)
 💡 Why getting crystal clear on what you want changes everything
 🚀 How successful people use vision to create extraordinary lives
 ✍️ A powerful exercise to help you define your ideal future—starting today

If you’ve ever felt stuck, uninspired, or unsure of your next step, this episode is your wake-up call. It’s time to stop settling and start shaping your next life's chapter with intention.




To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Speaker 1:

Are you like me, riding the roller coaster of midlife and menopause and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self-doubt? Well, it's time to stress less and shine more. It's time to ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance. It's never too late to transform, and you're certainly not too old and, in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that. Join me each week for inspiring stories and expert insights on topics covering all things midlife, menopause and personal development. So when you're ready, let the beautiful menomorphosis begin. Hello, and welcome back to Menomorphosis. How are you doing? I hope you've had a really fantastic week.

Speaker 1:

So I currently am home alone with just Lula, my daughter, and the dog, Herbie. Everybody else is away, which, I have got to admit, feels very strange indeed. So Giles is away in Australia for work, felix is at uni in Durham and Alf is travelling. He's currently in Laos having the best time. So I don't know if you remember a few episodes ago I told you that he went off travelling on his own. He's been having the best time, living his best life. He's had a few little dodgy moments. He had one dodgy border crossing from Vietnam to Laos, but apart from that, he's had a great time bumped into friends. I did. I hadn't heard from him for a little while, actually, and then on Friday night I got a random message from from him, which I worked out was be about four o'clock in the morning, of a video of his feet saying that he was at some party in the jungle and had lost his shoes, his only pair of trainers which he's got with him. And I was thinking why are you telling me this? What can I do about this? And now I'm really worried. Managed to, I managed to speak to him on the Saturday and he was fine, although he never found his shoes. So he's now trainerless, which isn't very helpful, but anyway, he's alive, he's fine, he hasn't lost his passport, he's still got his phone I suppose those are the two most important things and he's he's having the best time, so that's all good.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, it's just me and Leela and I've got to get used to this. I've got to get used to the quiet, to the fact that the house is so tidy a lot of the time. Mind you, it's not going to last because Felix the eldest, he is back at the end of this week. He's on holiday. He's gonna be back for five weeks, so it's all good, but yeah, it's it's. It's definitely a change, and so if you also are experiencing this, then I'd love to know how you are finding it. Are you enjoying it? Are you enjoying the peace, the quiet, the tidiness, or does it just feel a bit weird just having so much quiet in the house?

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's move on to this week's episode Now. This week is just me, and I'm going to be talking about something which I have only relatively recently learned to do, and that is getting crystal clear on what it is I want, so that I am living the life I really, really want to be living. In the intro of this podcast, I talk about wanting to create a life of joy, of fulfillment of purpose, of joy of fulfillment of purpose. These things don't happen by chance. They don't happen by luck or by magic. I truly believe it's about really knowing what you really want. It's about getting super clear, getting real clarity on what it is you genuinely, truly want from your life and, as Oprah Oprah Winfrey says, who you know, who is the best. She says people get to where they want to go, because they know where they want to go. And I couldn't agree more. That is the foundation of everything, because if you don't decide what you want, life decides for you and most of the time it won't be what you have chosen.

Speaker 1:

Most of us and this has been me for so much of my life are living in reaction mode. We wake up, we go through what we have to get through in the day, we go through our routines, we respond to emails, we scroll through social media, we handle the demands of the day, of family, of work, and then we do it all over again. We make our decisions based on what's in front of us in that moment. So what feels generally, feels safe, or what we've been conditioned to believe is the right thing to do. So there is no judgment here. Be kind to yourself, because if you realise that's what you've been doing, don't worry, I know I've been there. So for me, let me give you an example.

Speaker 1:

So I followed the traditional path in my life. I was at school. I then went to university, which was kind of expected of me. Then I moved to London. I got a job in PR. Why PR? I really honestly have no idea. I think someone maybe suggested it to me. I thought I might be good at it, so I did that. I did that for a few years before I did then finally pause to ask myself what is it I really want? And that was helpful, because that's when I decided to leave working in public relations and I went into teaching and I started teaching and I did that relatively late. I was 20, 26. So I'd already had a career in PR and I kind of gave it up and I got an on the job uh, teaching, training, and then, you know, I did think that's what I wanted, which was great, and I don't regret any of this.

Speaker 1:

But that life, that phase of my life, was so full on. I got married, I had kids, and while those were incredible experiences, I think for a lot of it I was on autopilot mode. I was working pretty hard in a school, I was looking after the kids, I was doing all of the you know, all of the things that go with that. I was still having pretty much good fun, but I was going out. I was probably drinking too much at the weekends to try and just numb out all the stuff which was going on during the week, and I know for sure that I was definitely reacting to my circumstances rather than shaping them.

Speaker 1:

I never stopped at that particular time to think what I truly wanted. I knew I wanted to have kids, which I was so fortunate that I did, but other than that I didn't really stop to think what I truly wanted, and that's why I think I then became. I felt like I was really stuck, and I think that's what happens to all of us. We wonder why we feel stuck, why life starts to feel uninspiring, why we don't wake up every morning feeling excited about what's ahead. We just go oh, this is life, this is what it's about.

Speaker 1:

But for me, that realization came really in my very, very early 40s, when I really did hit a bit of a low point. I I didn't realise it, but I was in the depths of perimenopause, my hormones were all over the shop, and that is really when I started to see that perhaps I wasn't on the right path. I don't regret any of it, because it's all part of life's rich tapestry, but I do think if I had known to stop to really think about what I wanted, I could have made a lot more out of things out of my life and I realised at that point in my early 40s that there was so much more to life than just feeling like really just. I felt like I was trudging through. I was an autopilot, I was just partying too hard at the weekends, just getting through the days. So that is when I decided that right, it's time to leave teaching. I started to explore other options. I felt like teaching was kind of suffocating me. I had no energy for anything else. But it did take me a while to figure things out because once again at that time I kind of lacked an end goal or a really clear vision, something which would have really made that journey so much smoother.

Speaker 1:

When you look at really amazingly extraordinary lives of people, they don't seem to drift. They just kind of know what they want. They don't just go with the flow. They have a vision, one that is clear, one that is powerful, one that is 100% unapologetic. So a great example of this I love the story of Sarah Blakely, who was the founder of Spanx. So she was selling fax machines door to door when she had a vision she wanted to create a product that made women feel confident in their clothes. She had no background in business. She had no background in fashion, but she was totally, 100% crystal clear on what she wanted. And because of that clarity, because of that end goal, she kept moving forward, figuring things out step by step. She didn't need to know the how, she just needed that vision, because she just took one step at a time. And today Spanx is a billion dollar company. Sarah is one of the most successful self-made women entrepreneurs in the world.

Speaker 1:

Now here's where most of us get stuck, because, let's be honest, getting clear on what you truly want. It can actually be really quite difficult, and it can actually also be quite scary. You know what if it feels almost too big or too unrealistic to say out loud what you really, really want? What if people judge you for wanting more than you've got? Maybe you'll come across as really ungrateful. Or what if you admit what you want and then it doesn't actually happen? What if you then fail to get it? It's that fear of of not following through, of not getting it, but you've said it, so it's that fear of what people think.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do instead? Well, we tend to keep things pretty vague. We say things like I just want to be happy, or I just want to be happy or I just want to be successful. But what do those things actually mean? They don't. It's really hard to pinpoint. Oh, I just want to be happy. What is it? What is going to make you feel happy when you say I just want to be successful? What does that look like to you? Can you break that down? The reality is clarity and knowing what you really want. It requires a certain amount of courage. It requires you to get specific, to name what you want and to own it without apology. So let's do a little exercise right now. If you're listening, just take a moment and really think about these questions.

Speaker 1:

So the first question is if money were no object, what would your ideal life look like? We often always use money as an excuse. Well, I've got to earn money, and, yes, we do all need to earn money. We do need to make a living. But is that holding you back from even dreaming what your ideal life would look like? So it's not just going to come out of thin air, your ideal life, but actually getting super clear on what it is you want is really helpful, and I don't think many of us really allow ourselves to dream, to really think about it. And so we just limit ourselves by just saying, well, my life is like this because I have to earn money. But actually you are limiting yourself, okay.

Speaker 1:

The second question I'm going to ask you is if you weren't scared of failure, what would you go after? So this is really questioning what is stopping you? What are you afraid of? Okay, I think so many of us are scared of doing something, because what happens if it doesn't work out? What happens if I actually say it out loud and then I look like a right old idiot because I don't get it? Which leads me very nicely onto the third question, which is if no one's opinion mattered but your own, what would you create for yourself? So can you let go of worrying what people will think? So, worrying what people will think if you fail, worrying what people will think if you actually go after what you actually want, you know what could you create.

Speaker 1:

Because here's the thing you don't need to know how you're going to get there from the start. That comes later, but you do need to claim it. It's only when we get clear on our vision and we actually take steps to get there that the how becomes clear. Sarah Blakely wouldn't have known how she was going to create a multi-billion dollar company when she first started, all she had was her clear vision. So once you have that vision vision honestly I really believe that every decision, every action, every tiny step moves you towards it. The moment you stop living from the limitations of your past and of what you believe is your path, but just because it's always been like that and that is your lot in life, but instead you start being guided by a vision of your future, of what you really want, then everything starts to shift. Clarity in knowing what you want isn't just powerful, it's magnetic. When you get crystal clear on what you want, that is when the opportunities start appearing. The right people start showing up, life starts rising up to meet you. But this only happens when you stop playing small, when you stop doubting yourself, when you stop talking yourself out of what you really want.

Speaker 1:

So after I left teaching, I rushed into buying a franchise business in English and maths tuition. Now, when I look back and ask myself, did I sit down to think what I really wanted? No, although I did know that I wanted more freedom. I wanted to be more available for my children. I wanted to be able to go to their sports days and their assemblies and their performances, because I had missed too many of those types of events. Whilst being a class teacher because I was doing it all for other people's children I also did know that I wanted my own business. So that is why I bought into the tuition franchise, because it gave me both of those things. However, the nature of the work was something I hadn't really thought about too cleverly, because I soon discovered that the method used in this particular franchise was very much out of alignment with the way that I had been trained to teach and that I believed in. So I kind of knew what I wanted, but I wasn't crystal clear.

Speaker 1:

So I did spend six years creating this business and trying to create a new way of doing things for the business as a whole. I ended up writing a load of new materials for them, which I got paid very nicely for, but I soon realized actually I was pushing a boulder up a hill. Things weren't going to change in a hurry within this business. People liked doing things the way they always had, and it was really only when I started training to become a health and a life coach sort of around COVID times that I learnt the real value of getting crystal clear about what you want, and this is now a practice I really do use today.

Speaker 1:

So for me, this has shown up recently for example, my recent trip to Dubai I've been wanting to start sharing breathwork with more corporate businesses to help people to breathe in a more efficient way. So I just sort of set that as a real intention. That is what I wanted to do and literally then, out of nowhere, this opportunity came to go to Dubai. I had this really incredible experience and I'm still on that path. I'm still very much hoping and trying to make that happen, and these opportunities just have started to come.

Speaker 1:

So you've just got to get clear. I didn't know that was going to come. I still don't know how it's happening, but I'm taking small steps in that direction. But it's important to remember that knowing what you want is going to change. So I didn't always want to do breath work. I didn't know that that has really changed, because initially, when I started this business working from home, what I wanted was to help women through perimenopause and menopause, because that was really close to my heart at the time. I felt like it was something that really needed to happen. That is why I started the podcast and that's why I started the coaching. However, that has now changed and my focus has now become more about helping people to breathe more efficiently. And, in a way, what I did before was really important, because I wouldn't have got to where I am now without what I did then, because I didn't know that this is what I wanted to do. It took working with numerous women, numerous people, to discover how important it is how we breathe, because I kept coming back to the same issue that women who I was working with were being really trapped in a cycle of stress, and a lot of that was because they were breathing inefficiently. So it was like my vision changed, but ultimately, I've still got kind of the same end goal I want to help. I still want to help probably mostly women in midlife to feel as good as they possibly can.

Speaker 1:

And on top of that, I do set myself a real vision at the beginning of each year. I set myself visions at the beginning of most months, even the beginning of most days. I will write down what I want out of the day. What do I want to achieve and don't get me wrong, I don't always do this, and when I don't do it, though, I do notice that I those are the days I tend to drift, I procrastinate a lot more. But when I get super clear on what it is I want to do and the things I want to achieve, then generally it makes I get it done. It makes life so much clearer, easier. So it stops you from making the excuses, it stops you from limiting yourself.

Speaker 1:

So this is a invitation to you, perhaps a challenge for you today. So, without making any excuses or without limiting yourselves, get really honest with yourself. What is it that you truly want from life? Life is so damn short, and I don't know about you, but for me, the older I get, the faster it goes. The days, older I get, the faster it goes. The days, the weeks, the month they fly by. So unless you get really super honest with yourself about what you truly want, you're going to be at the end of your life and it's going to be too late.

Speaker 1:

So think about it now. Allow yourself to daydream, allow yourself to really go big, write it down, own it, and then you can start moving towards it. Take some baby step towards it. Don't worry about the how, don't go and give up your job, don't make some radical steps, but you can just start moving towards it in some small way, because clarity isn't just the first step, it's the step, honestly, that changes everything.

Speaker 1:

So that's it for today's episode. So I really hope that this has resonated with you in some small way. If you have enjoyed it, please do feel free to share it with a friend or someone who may need to hear it. And remember, if you are ready to start creating a life that actually excites you, that actually makes you so happy to jump out of bed in the morning remember, clarity is key. Get super clear on what you want. I would love to hear what your biggest takeaway was. You can come and find me on Instagram at Polly Warren coaching, or you can leave me a review on Spotify or Apple podcasts, and also I'd be so grateful if you could press that subscribe and like button. It really does help this podcast. So that's it from me for this week. Thank you so much for listening. I really do appreciate it. Have a wonderful rest of the week. Take lots of care, lots of love, bye.