MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
So when you’re ready, Let the beautiful menomorphosis begin!
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - The People You Surround Yourself With
This week on Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about the importance of the people we surround ourselves with.
As Jim Rohn famously said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” If you want to feel good, stay inspired, and move toward your goals, it’s essential to be intentional about who you spend your time with.
Seek out mentors, supportive friends, and growth-minded people who elevate and encourage you. At the same time, be mindful of those who drain your energy or leave you feeling negative about yourself and the world.
We hope there’s something useful in here for you.
Love, Polly & Lucy xxx
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Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what the hell are they? I hear you cry. Well, my friend Polly and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence, motivation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go so this morning.
Speaker 2:So this was yours, lucy, so we're going to be talking about the people that we surround ourselves with and the importance of that, so do you want to kick this off this morning?
Speaker 1:yeah sure. So I mean, I think we've I think we have probably talked about this in a roundabout way. I'm not sure whether we've ever done a whole Monday Motivation on this topic, but it's. It's something that over the last few years, I've sort of realised the huge, huge importance of who we surround ourselves with. And you know, everybody's heard that that saying I don't know whether it was, I don't know who it originated with, but's definitely in um James Clear's Atomic Habits we become the five people with the average of the five people we spend the most time with. And it's so damn true. And I just think I, I certainly didn't used to even think about the impact of the people I was hanging out with.
Speaker 1:I just I didn't even think about their impact on my life at all. It just never occurred to me. I just, you know, spent time with who I spent time. I didn't even think about their impact on my life at all. It just never occurred to me. I just, you know, spent time with who I spent time with Didn't matter whether they were negative, whether they were, you know, whatever. But I think the thing is to realize how massively the people we hang out with impact the way that we're feeling, the way that we're thinking and also what we believe ourselves to be capable of. And I think this is a really big one, especially in the context of what you and I talk about in the whole kind of, you know, self-development, personal growth kind of stuff. You know, I've realized that it's just sort of doing what I'm doing with my life.
Speaker 1:One of the most important things is to make sure that I spend time with people who reinforce my belief that that things are possible. You know, and and I didn't used to do that and certainly on this journey that both you and I are on, it's incredibly important to have those people, because so often the people around us like you know, often our friends and family are kind of the naysayers in our lives in in many ways, like, if we express that we want to I don't know start a business, then you know it's very likely that they're gonna we're gonna get the kind of oh, I don't know about that, oh, that's a bit risky, oh, you really need a. You know you really need a, a stable job and a pension and health care and all this kind of stuff. So I just think it's it's so incredibly important to surround ourselves with people who are kind of actually slightly ahead on the journey that we're on. So people, it's it's good to sort of be in rooms with people who inspire you and who who who inspire you to reach for more um.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I think this is a really big topic and and one of the things actually that I always say when I talk about this is that it doesn't necessarily have you know, the, the average of the five. Those five people, they don't necessarily have to be people that you are physically with in person. These can be people that you know, like you and I, we see each other on zooms. It can be that, for example, or, and really importantly, it can be people whose, for example, podcasts you listen to or whose audiobooks you listen to. Those influences of those people in our lives don't have to be actually in human form, you know, in our presence, in the same room as us. It can very much be people who we listen to, and that's one thing that I have, um, really kind of um, you know, made a massive priority in my life over the last four or five years. It's making sure that I'm regularly, as in daily, consuming content from people who are who I find inspirational and who kind of hold me to account and who who help me realize what is possible and what I can achieve when I set my mind to it.
Speaker 1:Um, and and also, you know it's it's really so important to ask yourself whether there there might be some people in your life who do the opposite of that and who bring you down and who are very, very negative.
Speaker 1:And I used to be one of those negative people, not going to lie Like I. You know, I've trained and we've talked about this. I've trained myself to, you know, cultivate a more positive mindset. And the thing is, when we, when we don't realize that, when we're hanging around with people who are constantly moaning or complaining or being negative, it's not just going on for them. That is rubbing off on us. It really, even if we don't realize it, even if we're not aware of it, if we're spending time with somebody who is, who just continually goes on about the state of the world or the terrible things that happening in the news, or the fact that the cost of living is just extortion and all of these kinds of things, it's, it's impacting the way that we think and the way that we feel. So this really is such an important thing to be mindful of, I think, in our everyday lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, I mean there are. There are. I was going to think there are two types of people. There's the radiators, the ones who shine, who just give out amazingly good vibes and positivity and who make you feel good and lift you up. And there are the drains, who just drain your energy and just take it away from you and just make you feel crap after you've been hanging out with them. And we all know that those types of people, and yet, and, and so that is why it's so important to be mindful of you know, are you hanging out with the drones who are who just make you feel exhausted, who make you feel really bad about yourself, who you really don't want to spend time with? Or are you seeking out the radiators? I mean, I'm sure we all do it. You know we get invited to something and it's like, oh, I don't want to spend time with. Or are you seeking out the radiators? I mean, I'm sure we all do it. You know we get invited to something and it's like, oh, I don't really want to go. That person always makes me feel a bit rubbish at the end of it. And yet you say yes. I must admit, I've got so much better and stronger nowadays to say no. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:And it's really about policing those boundaries in. You know, putting those strong boundaries in place because if we say yes, just because we ought to, just because we've had a relationship with these people in some form way capacity at some point in our life, doesn't mean we actually have to hang out with them. And I know we're all, we're all worried about what, offending someone's feelings or upsetting what are they going to think of us? But actually it's more important to think about our own energy and how we respond to that person. And family, obviously, is slightly different. You know we can't choose our family, so it's that even more important that you put strong boundaries in place about what is, how often you want to see them, what is acceptable behavior, what is an acceptable behavior. But we do have some sort of control and we often forget about that. We can say no to people. We can say no to things which we're invited to do. We can say I can't, I can't actually see you right now because x, y and z, or you just have to say no. No is a simple no, is a sentence in its in its own right, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think it's really important to to remember that and, on the other end of the scale, in terms of finding people who light you up, who radiate amazing energy, who make you feel amazing, seek them out. As you said, you know you could be someone you're following on instagram. It could be an amazing mentor. Go and seek them out and go and just spend time with them and hang out with them. I've recently got so much better at asking if there's someone who I really want to go and hang out with or I want to do something with. I just ask them. You know. I ask you know, would you be interested in X, y or Z? And generally, nine times out of 10, people say yes. They say yes if you're going to bring something as well, and that's just such an amazing way to elevate your energy and bring you up. And and we know we, as you said, you know we are the average of the five people we spend the majority of our time with. So, if you want to be become someone who you can, you can see doing the things, go and seek them out. Go and immerse yourself in what they are doing, in that, if they are someone who's got a podcast, go and listen to the episodes, go and really immerse yourself into it.
Speaker 2:This has really made me think, lucy, actually, of my eldest felix, because I had a conversation with him last week. Um, he's at durham university doing engineering and he was telling me about a project he's just done with. There's six of them in a group. They're all big brains, uh, they're all very bright boys. And he was telling me about the other boys in the group and, oh, my goodness, it was one I for the first time.
Speaker 2:Really, I kind of got what he is getting out of university really the most. So one of them is already at, you know, he's there in their second year at uni. He's designing some drone which he's hoping is going to that, uh, malarial microbes to help, um, you know, find a solution to to the malaria issue. He's got another one who's already. I mean, these boys were just all doing these incredible things and I could just see when he was telling me about it. I was just like, my goodness, he is surrounding himself with these people who are out in the world, these young people out in the world, doing these incredible, amazing things trying to find solutions to these big problems of the world. How good is that you know what he's going to be getting out of that, and that's what we all want. We all want to be inspired by other, because we just spur each other on and that energy is transferred from one to the other. So, yeah, I thought it was quite interesting.
Speaker 1:No, that's that's so interesting, and just pick up on what you were saying about seeking people, because I think it's very easy to just sort of stay stuck in those groups of people who maybe have been in our life for years Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with them, but I think it's it's.
Speaker 1:It is important to remember that if you, if you, if you sort of think about your friendships and you realize that actually you need people who are more sort of motivating or inspirational, or who who are looking to grow or or you know, whatever it is, maybe you're looking for somebody who's really adventurous, maybe you're looking for somebody who's single or, you know, doesn't have kids, or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Um, but it's, you know, we do have it in our power to seek people out and, funnily enough, I did a mini set I can't remember whether it's the one that just went on Saturday or the one that's going out this coming Saturday I think it went out on Saturday about adult friendships, and I was talking about Mel Robbins' Let them Theory, because she does this brilliant section in the Let them Theory about adult friendships and how you know friendships ain't just going to fall into our laps. And one thing I talk about on my podcast as well and have done you know I've done so a few times is this idea that we have to take responsibility for our lives and I think we live in. We live in this world where we're always looking to somebody else to take responsibility do you know?
Speaker 1:what I mean we're always looking to sort of point fingers at well, it's that person's fault, or it's that person's fault, or it's the fault of this, and so often we don't take responsibility for our lives. But actually, when you start taking responsibility for yourself and your life, it's really freeing because it basically gives you back control. And it's the same with friendships you, we, have to take responsibility for cultivating, finding and cultivating friendships that are going to be beneficial to our lives and be beneficial to the other person's life. It's as simple as that. They're not going to rock up at our door sort of sitting and watching Netflix. We have to go out there and make shit happen.
Speaker 1:And I love what you say about Felix surrounding himself with those people, because I bet he comes away from that, from that group, feeling really uplifted, really inspired, and that is ultimately how we want to feel when we leave, um, whoever we've been hanging out with. So I think the first step is to just start noticing how you feel when you step away from someone that you've been spending time with. Do you, you know, go back to the drain and the radiator thing, do you feel drained, like it's our body is going to tell us always our body is going to tell us what we need to know. Do we feel good or do we feel like, oh my God, do we feel down, do we feel depressed? Do we feel anxious? You know how do we actually feel after we've been hanging out with someone. And the truth is that, you know, so often I think we were spending time with people who've been in our life for, you know, many, many years but aren't necessarily our people anymore.
Speaker 1:And I think we have to realize also that friendships end. You know, friendships move on and sometimes people come into your life and then they go out of your life a bit and then they might come back into your life or they might never come back into your life, and that's OK. Friendships are fluid and you know, I think we sort of cling on to this idea that when we become friends with somebody we have to stay friends with them forever and ever and ever and ever. But it's not the case. We do get to, we do get to be intentional about our friendships like we do with everything else. We do get to pick and choose the people who are right for our life right now. And if you're growing and if you're expanding and if you're changing, then your friendships are going to change along with you, and some of them are going to be, you know, on that journey with you and some of them aren't, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:So I think, yeah, the first thing is to really start noticing how the people in your life make you feel and also, you know, are they the kind of people that you aspire to be like?
Speaker 1:Are the people that you're spending time with? Are they living a life that you aspire to live? Because I think that says quite a lot, if you're. Again, because whoever you are spending time with, the conversations that you are having with those people are going to be, whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, they are going to be impacting and affecting the way that you feel about yourself and about life. Yeah, and it is just so, so, so important to just take a minute and and and really be honest with yourself about who lifts you up and who you walk away from feeling just like completely drained. But yeah, you know, we do get to continue to seek out friendships, no matter how old we are, and it's not easy making friends as an adult. It's much easier. Like you know, your son is at university. It's much easier to find your people at university because it's just set up in a way that you're going to just come across people every day and there are parties and there are classes and all the rest of it.
Speaker 1:So as adults, we have to make more of an effort. But again, it's about taking responsibility and if you know that you need someone who is a bit more this or a bit less that you, you can go out and actually find people yeah, and I think that's the thing it is.
Speaker 2:It can be hard to make friends, uh, and you know I find it hard enough just to nurture the friends I've got you know it, making sure that I see them enough, because there are lots of people who I really do want to hang out with and life is busy hard enough just to nurture the friends I've got. You know it, making sure that I see them enough, because there are lots of people who I really do want to hang out with and life is busy. So actually just even making time for those friends who I really want to see is important. It's really important to me and actually if you don't see a really good friend for a long time, a really good friend, it doesn't really matter, because they just it's just like you saw them yesterday. Whenever you do see them, even if it's been a few years, those kind of friends are always going to be there and yeah, friends come and go.
Speaker 2:I've seen that throughout my life. Some friends do come and go. They're there for a certain period of your life and then they just fall away, but then they may come back and I think you just have to accept that. I do feel like we all expect to keep our friends forever and ever, and some people do, and that's okay. We're all very, very different and you know, I know that I'm a totally different person to how I was, for example, when I was at university, and so my friendships reflect that, because I am so different. What you were saying about the energy is important, because for me, the biggest compliment anyone can ever give me is oh my gosh, I love your energy, your energy is amazing.
Speaker 2:That for me, is like the best possible compliment, because we feel it. It's what you give off. You know we like attracts, like. So if you're feeling the good vibes from somebody else, then that that's, you know. That's. That's what it's all about, ultimately. And the other thing I was going to say about what you said is, although it can be hard to find friends these days, actually it's probably, in a way, never been easier because we now live in this global community. In past, we would have just been surrounded with the people who we see day to day at work at home in the surrounding area where we live. Nowadays, we are connected on a global scale, so there are groups of people around the world, and so you can find your people using those groups. So you're a great example, lucy. You know people who are single, who are child free. They can all come together, you know, in your membership, thrive Solo and find each other, and so you can really then relate to one another so well. And that's all we want is to be able to find people who make you feel good. And and it's like the menopause as well.
Speaker 2:Menopause was a really big one for me At the time when it was happening with me. There wasn't really no one was talking about it. It was all swept under the carpet, it all felt quite taboo, so nobody really talked about it. But the moment you open up, you talk to somebody else else. You talk to a friend who's going through a similar situation, experiencing the same as you, and you share it. Oh, my goodness, it makes you feel so much better. You realize you're not alone. Shared experiences are so powerful. And now that's no surprising.
Speaker 2:You know, I did a presentation last week about menopause and so I did a quick search because I was talking about how important it is to talk about it to find people who lift you up, who inspire you, and, my goodness, the number of groups out there which people can go and join it was unbelievable. You can join groups for people who've had cancer and menopause, who've been thrown into menopause support groups, for lgp, q plus people. There's special menopause groups. There's great, you know, for for anybody who now who's going through menopause, you can find your own specific group to help you. And that is just incredible. You know we've come so far and they're global people, but you'll all have something in common. So, yeah, that's, that's key. And just to find people who make you laugh, lift you up, and that's another point. You know, if someone makes you laugh, to the best medicine for anything. So if someone makes you laugh and lifts you up, then you know I'm there. I'm there for it totally.
Speaker 1:And again, you know, going back to what you're saying about the whole sort of global community, again, you know we don't like the people we hang out with. That we don't have to hang out with them in person. Like you know, you and I, I have a lot of people in my life who I consider good friends, who I hang out with quote unquote on a Zoom screen, but that is and yes, it's not the same as being in person, but actually it is in terms of the impact that that friendship is having on your life. You know, there are a few people who I I speak to on zoom, like every week, who I, you know, have a, have a connection with, and you know I count them as the five of those people in my life who who I, you know, who I become the average of. So I just really want to stress that it.
Speaker 1:You know, like you say, we can, we can meet people so much easier in many ways in today's world and the people who are influencing you because ultimately, what this is about is is influence, because the people who you are hanging out with are influencing you in one way or the or the other. Yeah, and they can be influencing you in a bad way, or they can be influencing you in a good way, and you know so. So, when you think about the people that you hang out with, are you hanging out with a friend who just sits and bitches about other people for the entire evening Like, or is really negative? I said that earlier, but this is. You know that this is going to influence the way that you then are, because the people we surround ourselves with, they influence who we become as people.
Speaker 1:So ask yourself who do I want to be? You know, what kind of person do I actually want to be, and are the people I'm to be? You know what kind of person do I actually want to be, and are the people I'm hanging out with? Are they the kind of people that I want to be? Or am I just hanging out with them because I've known them for a long time, or because of the convenience, because they live around the corner, whatever it may be. But you know, I feel really passionate about this topic because it's so hugely important and I just don't think it's something that we think about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I agree. So funny. I saw my parents at the weekend and my father my dad listens to these every Thursday when they come out on Thursday Thoughts and he cannot believe that you and I have never met in person. He's like what do you mean? You've never actually met in person? And I was like no, we've never, actually, we've never met. We will, we will, we will, we will. But um, he was just like amazed and I suppose that's probably because we're in a diff. We are in a slightly more.
Speaker 2:We're in a different sort of time where we're so used to doing an awful lot on a screen, digital, you know, in a digital way. Not that I want to be doing this all the time, because sometimes it does. I find it quite draining to be constantly in front of a screen and actually nothing really is better than a, you know, a face-to-face encounter. In some way. However, I totally agree, it is 100% possible to form really good relationships because you talk probably just as much and sometimes even more so, face to face on a screen like this than if you were in person, because it's so easy. It's so easy just to click a button and then you're there, whereas actually sometimes to actually go and physically see someone. It requires a lot more time and effort and travel and all those sorts of things and also sorry, no, sorry, love, sorry, I thought you'd finish.
Speaker 1:Sorry, yeah, no I finished I finished, yeah, no, always gonna say is also the other thing about, like, for example, our relationship and how many conversations we've had on zoom.
Speaker 1:Well, neither of us are getting distracted by our phones, because when you're on a zoom with somebody, you are on, you are literally you are there, you are there to speak to that person, whereas when you're with a friend in in real life you could, you know, one of you's like checking your phone or what you know, what I mean it's just actually much easier to be distracted, whereas when you're talking to a friend like this, like, or on a facetime, you, you know, you have, you sort of have no choice but to just get into the conversation. Do you know what this is making me think, polly? Wouldn't it be mental if we did a Monday Motivation in the same room and we sat and we talked in the same room on Instagram Live? Okay?
Speaker 2:right, we're going to do that, let's do it, let's do it. That's why he scares me.
Speaker 1:Imagine if we just sat there like I haven't got anything to say.
Speaker 2:We might decide that we don't really like each other anymore.
Speaker 1:We might decide that we don't really like each other anymore.
Speaker 2:But can you imagine how weird that would be? Yeah, it would. Have you ever done a podcast? Have you ever done a podcast recording with someone in the same room, or do you always do it on Zoom, the only?
Speaker 1:podcast episode I've ever done with someone in the same room as me was me and my niece. We did it in my flat in London and we sat on the sofa and we recorded it. But apart from that that, no, I have never. And it's weird because it doesn't even ever occur to me now to do it, because, apart from anything else, had Zoom not been a thing? Um, when I started the podcast, I wouldn't have even thought about starting a podcast because I'd have been like, well, how the hell am I going to get all these people to come to London?
Speaker 1:you know, when I was. I was living in London then and you know so so actually it's made things, certainly in terms of podcasting, much, much easier. But I would. I mean, my dream is that one day, one day, I'll have a beautiful studio with two sofas and people will actually come in and I'll interview them in the flesh with like a really good microphone and someone producing it and someone editing it, someone finding the fucking guests. That is the dream down the line, yeah yeah, no, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, that would be so good, wouldn't it?
Speaker 1:that's yeah, that's really what I want. That is what that that's that is.
Speaker 2:I'm determined that that's going to happen, because because I, just on that note, in terms of relationships and the people who you surround with I suppose this is kind of linked all the big podcasters like to do their interviews in person. I think that is probably because you do pick up more on your body language and you probably can get deeper in terms of the conversation that you can have. However, not to take away from doing it on zoom, you can still have really good conversations and you can still speak to people all over the world. For me also, just in terms of the tech, I just don't have a tech setup, as you say, to do it in person. It's so much easier to do it online, um, but yes, I, yeah, it's. Anyway, back to the subject of the importance of who we surround ourselves with, just really focusing on spending more time with the people you love and who make you feel good, and just a little bit less time, a lot less time with those that don't, and really it's that simple.
Speaker 1:It really is. But again, just going back to what we were saying about you know the the sort of influence that people have on you, like, like every conversation that I have with you or that we have with each other, I feel like that is always a good influence on me because inevitably you and I are talking about our businesses.
Speaker 1:We're talking about you know, if we're stuck with something, we're talking. We're reminding each other of what is possible. We're reminding each other of you know, if we're stuck with something, we're talking. We're reminding each other of what is possible. We're reminding each other of you know where we're going, what we want. We're kind of encouraging each other. So I think our relationship is actually a really good example of the kind of relationship that you know. You know I'm grateful to have in my life because, you know, because I feel I feel good whenever I speak to you, I I feel good, I feel uplifted, I feel energized. Yeah, so you know, that's so important, isn't it?
Speaker 2:and also what's so fascinating about our relationship is that we lead very different lives in the sense that you're single, you don't have kids, and I've got three children. I'm married. You know, we're poles apart in that sense, yet we both have a very common thread running through in terms of what we are trying to achieve with our businesses and what we're doing in the kind of things we talk about. So, just to bear that in mind as well, it's more about the energy that we give each other.
Speaker 1:As opposed, you don't have to have every single thing in common because, yeah, you know, we don't yeah, and also you have different I know we're going to wrap up, aren't we, because it's half past nine but also you, I think you have different friends for different things, like I definitely have, and I think we probably all have this one you know to to, to a certain extent, state to a certain extent is there are certain friends that you do certain things with. There are certain friends that you have certain conversations, like I have friends who I absolutely I'm not talking to them about my business. There are certain friends who I'm absolutely not talking to about all the woo-woo stuff I go on about. You know I just I avoid those topics but but I talk to them about other things. So that you know we have different relationships and different friends for different parts of ourselves.
Speaker 1:Not meaning that you're a different, you know, not saying I'm a different person with each, with each friend. I'm the same person, but I definitely certain parts of my personality and interest come out in very different ways with very different friends. Um, I think that's fine to have like lots of different. You know, you, you might have your kind of party friend, or or your serious friend, or your friend who always gives you really good advice, or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:So yeah, no, it's totally true, but it's exactly, and I think we all do absolutely, though you, absolutely you're you, you kind of have friends for different, for different areas of your life and that's all really good and that's and as long as they make you feel good and they light you up and they inspire you in some way.
Speaker 2:But some friends don't necessarily have to inspire you. You can have just a friend who you go out. When you go out you just have so much fun and you have the best laugh with. So it's just really it's about how you feel after you have spent time with them. I think is the most important thing 100%.
Speaker 1:A very good note to end on my gosh. We've gone two minutes over. How very dare we?
Speaker 2:I was one minute later, so that's okay yeah, exactly all right, um, thank you everyone who've been watching, listening, and we'll see you next week. All right, have a good day speak to you later.
Speaker 1:Bye.