MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
So when you’re ready, Let the beautiful menomorphosis begin!
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - Finding Your Why
On today’s Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about knowing your ‘why’.
When it comes to doing anything difficult in life, whether that be building a business or running a marathon, knowing your why can make the difference between doing the thing and not doing it.
When we connect with the deeper reasons for doing something, and come back to those reasons, we’re far more likely to stay on track and achieve our goals in life.
We hope you’ll find something useful in here!
Love,
Polly & Lucy
To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace
Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/
Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more.
Speaker 2:So, if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 1:Yes. So today we're going to be talking about knowing your why, and I think this is a good one. This is actually one of the first things I was taught when I did my coaching certifications many years ago. This is one of the first things that we were taught is you know about knowing your why, and for anybody who you are helping to achieve a goal, that it's really important that you understand why you are doing it, and it's not really that surface level why. It's getting deeper. It's getting underneath the why, beneath the why, to really understand why it is you are doing what you want to do, but you know so it might be going right.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start a business. Why? Because I want to make some money. Well, why do you want to make some money? So it's about just carrying on. Well, I want to make some money because I really want to buy myself a new house. Why do you want to do that? Because that is so it's just digging deeper, deeper, deeper and actually, ultimately, probably the reason that you're going to want to do something is because the way it's going to make you feel, it's going to be a feeling that you're going to get your feeling of fulfillment, a feeling of joy, and so it's tapping into that. It's tapping into that feeling rather than just going for the success of something. It's kind of going deeper, and that is when you're more likely to stick to something.
Speaker 2:That's the thing, because that, and that's exactly that, that I think for me anyway, that the sort of most important thing about knowing your why is that when things get really difficult and when you you know. Let's just take a couple of different examples, so, using two sort of different things number one, like my business for, and number two, let's say something like exercise. So, for example, when it comes to, let's say, exercise, I regularly, in fact I would say every time. I mean this morning, for example, I did my, I did an upper body strength training session. I never want to do it, I never feel like doing it, but I know why I'm doing it and so when I, when I just can't be asked, when I go back to why I'm doing it and for me it's partly or it's with strength training anyway it's largely because of, um, bone density, and I know it's, and I've got osteopenia, which is the precursor for osteoporosis, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Menopausal woman, my bones have got weaker over the last four or five years, which is really genuinely quite worrying to me. I'm like what the hell? Um, and basically I, I know that strength training is one of the main things that I have to do in order to build my bones back up. So I am, you know, determined to keep doing it and to be consistent with it. So when I don't feel like doing it, I go back to the why of why I'm doing it. Also, I'm doing it because I want to become more toned, I want to get back in shape and all of those things. So it's just, I think it really helps when you really don't want to do something. You're finding something really difficult just to remind yourself of why you're doing it. And you know the exercise thing, when it's a freezing cold morning and it's dark and you know whatever else and you really don't want it, it would be so much easier just to not do it. Do you know what I mean? Or get out for that walk or whatever it is, but when you remind yourself of your why, it just gives you that kind of kick up the arse that you need.
Speaker 2:And the same with you know something like building a business, like, as you and I've talked about this a lot on, on, on bit, on Monday Motivation, and there are so many times where I wonder what the hell I'm doing. I have no idea how it's going to pan out. I don't you know. I know where I'm headed, but I don't know what that journey is going to look like. I don't know what route I'm going to take. That's up to up to the universe.
Speaker 2:And there are so many times where it feels incredibly hard. I'm really tired. I work seven days a week and I sometimes feel like, oh, my gosh, this is, this is too hard, um, and I have moments where I'm like, oh, maybe I should just, you know, go and get a job. But I'm like no, no, no, no, because my why is because I don't want to. I, I absolutely not, I don't want to. I I refuse to go back to a job that I don't give a shit about and I refuse to go and suck up a job working for somebody else that I just my heart is not in. I just absolutely. That is one of my. You know, that is my biggest why. It's like because I'm just not doing that anymore. So because of that, I have to keep going with this.
Speaker 2:And also, you know, my why is the kind of bigger why of why I'm doing what I'm doing, which is trying to help single women feel better about being single, and also the one thing that you and I talk about a lot on this is, you know, helping women understand. And for you know, for my audience, single, single women helping people understand that we have more control over our lives and we can create the kind of life that we want and we don't have to suck it up and do something we don't really want to be doing. So that is also my why. It's that bigger kind of passion of having this message that I really really want to share with people and I really want people to understand so that essentially they can, you know, upgrade their lives. So it really is such a it's so, so, so important to know your why.
Speaker 2:Because on the days where you can't be fucked you've got, if you don't know your why, then you're probably not going to do it, you're probably going to take the path of least resistance, you're probably just going to be like I'll do it tomorrow. But when you know your why it, that is what motivates you to keep going. That is what. That is what allows you to find that you know your why. That is what motivates you to keep going. That is what. That is what allows you to find that you know, find that sort of thing deep within you. That's like no, come on, lucy, you know why you're doing this, keep going. So for me, certainly with my business, that has.
Speaker 2:It's something that I go back to regularly when things feel incredibly hard and I feel like I don't know. One example I mean I spent over the last week, I've spent quite quite a bit of time working on my website. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still not the best, but it's basically I don't really use it and I knew that it needed some work. And it's one of those things where it's just so painful to have to to do something technical that you're not really very good at yet and you're not really very fast at, and it's just like, oh god, this is such a pain in the ass. And again, when you go back to your why, you're like okay, I can do this, come on, come on, come on. It's just that that, that thing that just keeps you moving forward, really taking those baby steps yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's. Uh, yeah, it's. It's that thing which really drives you and motivates you. And, yeah, in those moments when you're thinking what the hell am I doing and you could easily give up, it's that thing which is just going to keep remind you. Right, this is it. This is what I'm going to do. Have you ever read? Did you see? Have you seen that video of Simon Sinek? You see, have you seen that video of simon um sinex?
Speaker 1:He did a big, a really really good video and I and um about it's his why concept, and he uses apple as an example and he breaks it down into three years. He kind of calls it the golden circle. So there's like the why is like your core belief, it's like your purpose, it's the thing, your reason, and it's the thing that really drives you. You know, beyond really making money, it's that. It's that real kind of. You know the, the nucleus of it all. Then you've kind of got the how, which is the processes, which is the next level. You know it's the, the how you're going to do it, and then really, finally, it's the what. So with apple, that was the. I mean, I can't remember what the hell was, but it was about beauty. It was about, you know, producing something so seamless and beautiful and wonderful, and actually the what was the actual device, the device itself, and that is kind of like the outer circle, so really at the heart of a really amazing product such as Apple.
Speaker 1:They started with the why, with the why, before they did the what, and I think that's, you know, that is just a really good lesson to all of us that actually, rather than just focusing on the what, really hone down on why. It is what you do, I mean for me and for what I do. Initially, when I started all of this sort of business, it was all to do with my why was very much about sharing the word about menopause. I was so enraged that nobody knew about it and that really drove me. And then that kind of it's great, because you know now that's so out there in the world, it's so, it's so, it's so lovely that you, you start with something which I'm so passionate about and then you suddenly go, my goodness, the whole world is now talking about menopause.
Speaker 1:And I still think that's a really, although I still think that's a really important thing. You know, my why isn't so deep now, because I can see that that's happening. And my why now is, you know, I feel it's really passionate about teaching people to breathe properly and how, you know, you can use their breath, breath, but on a bigger level than that. You know, I, one of my big wise, is showing my children uh, that are, that their mum can create something really amazing out of nothing, follow something that she loves to do and and make a business out of it and create money out of it, and that, for me, is a massive why. I want to show them that, my goodness, follow, if you follow your dreams and follow your passions, you can actually do it. Um, so that is, for me, a really big why. And I also want to, um, yeah, my other why is I want I really want Giles to to leave his job and and go and do his own thing and, um, you know not, and I take over the reins. So, you know, on a property. That's my other big why. So, yeah, there's not, it's just really honing into. You know what is why? Why you do what you do, those things on a daily basis which sometimes you'd rather not be doing, but there's an end goal. But it's more than just good, it's more than it's kind of, more than just the goal, it's more than just the success. It's um, it's the thing which really will keep you going. And yeah, I mean exercise is a very good one, I think, lucy, I think you know people, particularly people, I mean.
Speaker 1:I think you know, when I was doing coaching, one thing they kept giving examples for was particularly people who perhaps wanted to change their eating habits. You know, if they were eating an awful lot of processed food and not eating particularly healthily, that's quite a difficult one to keep going when you're surrounded constantly by crap food in the supermarkets, know, everywhere we go. So that one, if you know, is like why is it that you want to eat in a certain way? You have to constantly come back to a deeper level of you want to feel like, you want to feel alive, you want to feel fit, you want to feel clear-headed. It's, it's about you know, what is it you really want. It's not just that you want to. You know, eat a salad because you know it's healthy. There's got to be more to it than that. Otherwise you're just not going to do it because, let's face it, we'd all well. I'd rather eat a chocolate cake sometimes, yeah. So it's like you've got to. You've got to remind yourself why is it you're doing it?
Speaker 2:yeah, totally. Um, I'm just thinking of of of how people can actually find like, if someone's like not entirely sure, or finding it difficult to kind of connect with their reason why, I'm just trying to think of ways that they can do that. Isn't there something where you what's that thing? Where you I can't remember who this is, or maybe this, maybe this is the Simon Sinek thing where no, I don't think it is him, it's somebody else where you ask seven questions and you keep asking questions, so you go down. So basically you're like so why do you? Why do you want to eat healthily? Um, because I want to feel better. Why do you want to feel better? Because I don't want to feel like shit anymore. Why don't you want to feel like? So you, basically you keep yeah, do you?
Speaker 2:know the thing I'm talking about. I can't remember who came up with it, but but it's the seven, like seven questions. There's a name for this thing I wish I could remember. It's really annoying but there's a name for it, and so I think that is always quite a quite a good way of really getting to the bottom of why you actually, why you really you know the deeper reasons of why you want to do something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know the thing I I've talked about. I know I don't, but I kind of but it's, but it's. I think it's just a you know. I just know that you just keep asking those questions. You know what's important about that. You know why do you want to feel better. You know, well, because I want to have more energy to be able to play with my kids. What you know. And also you know why do you want to do that? Because I want to have, I want to be the best mom I can and have the best relationship. It's really just about what's important about that. What's important about that?
Speaker 1:and drilling down to it and eventually you'll come to that thing which is your real core driver. It's not necessarily that first surface level why you think it is. And I think you can just ask yourself you know, what is it really which is you're so passionate about? You know, ultimately it's about really driving into what lights you up and I think you know we often do things because we feel we ought to or whatever but actually if we can really drill it down again into you know what is the thing which really we feel so excited about? That is what's going to drive you forward, that's going to keep you motivated. You know what is the thing which really we feel so excited about. That is what's going to drive you forward, that's going to keep you motivated.
Speaker 2:You know those, that thing which sparks something within you yeah, just for anyone um listening, we're getting some very, very distracting messages which are completely making it really difficult to concentrate.
Speaker 1:Oh, I haven't seen them. I'm not getting those, have you not? Have you not?
Speaker 2:Can you not see them? No?
Speaker 1:They don't come up for me.
Speaker 2:I am going to Hang on a sec. Um, are you still there? I think, yeah, I'm here. I think I've. Can you not see those messages at all?
Speaker 1:no, they don't.
Speaker 2:They must only come up for the person who's hosting yeah, that's so basically, all through this, like for anyone listening on the podcast, apologies, all through this live, I've just removed this person there's. There's been somebody sending just really annoying messages like every second. It's so weird that you can't see it. But then, but then when she, I was thinking should I remove her? And then I was like, oh, I'm not sure. And then, and then when she said something about Lucy's husband's penis, I thought, do you know what? I think I'm gonna remove you now. Um, so I've removed her.
Speaker 2:Like just nonsensical messages, completely nonsensical the choice of instagram yeah, anyway, anyway, for those people listening on the podcast, that that's why, um, I just that we're on an, we record these on an instagram live, um, but yes, it was just, it was just throwing me because it's very, very distracting, isn't it, um, to have people to. We've had that a couple of times in the chat when we've been on these lives where we've had that a couple of times in the chat when we've been on these lives where we've had, like, a couple of really inappropriate people just like firing off message after message after message, and it's really difficult to stay focused on the conversation when you can just see these messages coming in, especially when they're really kind of weird and inappropriate. Anyway, moving on back to the why. So it just makes me think why are we doing these lives? Why do we do them?
Speaker 2:Well, we do these lives because we wanted to do something that would make Instagram lives feel less scary, and I suppose, actually, that is a really good example, in fact, of how continuing to do these like normally, if we, when we'd first done these lives, had that happened and that person was sending those inappropriate messages through, it would have completely, completely, like, do you know what I mean? Thrown me off even more than it did today. Yeah, but isn't that interesting. Suddenly it's like yeah, okay, let me just see how I can move. Um, anyway, sorry, gone off. Gone off on a complete tangent.
Speaker 1:Yeah um, but yeah, I mean it's um. I mean I said, yeah, I'm just trying to think now what we can, where, where to go from here. Um of why it really of yeah, I have to find your why.
Speaker 1:I think I think another way you can find your. Why is you know? You can just literally sit down and write journal and just constantly ask yourself, okay, well, why, why, and just see what comes out. Just drill down you when, even when you think you've got to it, ask that question again actually, why is that important?
Speaker 2:what is important about that, and see if you can get right down to it also another thing to do is to tie it into your values and work out the value beneath whatever it is that you're doing like so, going back to, for example, in me, in this business, it, my, my, my top value is freedom, like that.
Speaker 2:That's, that is my, and that is the thing that drives me, I think, more than anything else, it's just that um feeling I, this, this, this innate feeling I have to be to be free. And so when you, and, and so that I come back to that often as well, so if you, you know maybe you and I've talked about values before, haven't we? But I think it's a really useful exercise to do is to write out what are your sort of top five or six values, because when you, you know, so, for example, you know, going back to the, to the um, healthy eating or the strength training, it's like if one of your values is health, well, there you go. So it just I think it it helps to relate it back to your, your main values, and it's a that is a really good exercise to do. Anyway, if anyone wants to listen, we did it. We did an episode on values quite a long time ago now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a long time ago, yeah, a very long time ago. Yeah, it's funny because, yeah, my top value, as well as freedom, absolutely it's kind of you know and it's and that's when you connect with people as well, when you know what your values are. It's so nice because, actually, if you've got, you might be very different, but if you've got similar values, that's where your connection really comes, because that's what's important to you. And so knowing your values you're quite right is that is really if you know your top five values. Those are the things which are the most important to you and they will change over time. They're not always going to be the same. They they can change, as can your why, your why, can change. It's very fluid, but knowing your values is going to really help you understand why you might be doing something.
Speaker 1:And if and I suppose if you find out that actually you haven't really got a very firm why about something, it's a bit like well, you know, why are you? Why are you doing it? Um, you know, is it that? Is it that important? Are you, you know? Should you maybe be putting your energy into something else which is more important to you? Good point, um, yeah, I suppose, because you know, if you're if you're, I don't know, I can't even think of an example, but it's about how you're spending your, your precious time.
Speaker 2:Time is our only, only finite resource out there, so that you know we it's so important that we spend it wisely, so it has to be something which is very important to you absolutely, and I think, when it boils down to it, like you know, like we're saying at the beginning, the most that or for me anyway, the thing that I find most useful about this question and about just coming back to it is, again, it's it's when we are finding it hard to carry on with something or start something or do something.
Speaker 2:It is so incredibly helpful to just get back to the reasons why you are doing it. Incredibly helpful to just get back to the reasons why you are doing it, and I think so often it would be. You know, it would be so much easier just to not bother or to, you know, stop something or make excuses, whatever it is. But when you, I just really think it is the best way to ensure that you carry on doing the thing that you're doing or doing the thing that you want to do. Um, and again, in those moments where it is, in those moments where it feels incredibly hard, going back to your why can often be the thing that just is like, okay, I've got this, I've got this you know it really does make such a difference.
Speaker 2:If you're just trying to, if you're just trying to do it just for the sake of doing it, then it's really hard. But connecting back to the reason why just gets you over that kind of hump of it feeling really heavy and really difficult and really tough. So for me, that is the main. That is the main reason why it's incredibly helpful to always have that to come back to in the various different areas of my life.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, and if you don't do that, if you don't know what your why is, then that's when you, I think you can get just really lost and stuck in a rut and you're just chasing goals that don't fulfill you. That's when you just probably work too hard without any, if you don't have a deeper motivation to it. That's when you kind of hit that burnout of just like you're just grinding away for nothing in particular, and I think that's when it's like oh, what am I doing? I think we've, I've definitely been in that place, just not really being fulfilled by the work I'm doing, but just doing it anyway. And, yeah, you feel really super stuck.
Speaker 1:But when you can constantly bring yourself back to your why, then that's when you don't get that kind of sense of burnout, that sense of you're just going through the motions.
Speaker 1:You know you're not, you know it's easy to get on autopilot, but I think if you, if, particularly if you haven't got, if you haven't got a reason why you're, a deep reason which is of value to you, but that is why when you have, then you can kind of get yourself off that autopilot mode and back into into actually enjoy. You know, ultimately we want to enjoy what we're doing and, of course, sometimes the things can be really hard, but the aim of the game at the end of the day and particularly with us, with our businesses and you know you want to enjoy the journey as much as you possibly can. If you're exercising and I know you say that you absolutely don't like it, but if you can keep coming back to the reason why you're doing it, you're always going to feel good after you've done it, hopefully, um, because then you'll go right. Yes, that's another step forward towards my goal. It's's just like, literally, it just makes everything, even the really hard things you don't necessarily enjoy in the moment. Once you've ticked it off the list and you've done it, then you're going to feel good and you're going to really. You know it makes it all worthwhile.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. One other thing actually, before we wrap up, is, I think also what knowing your why can be really useful for is, if you kind of fall off the wagon which, let's face it, we all do it can. It can bring you back, it can remind, when you remind yourself of why you would like say, for example, the strength training, say I kind of get off that train for a bit and I'm like, oh god, which I definitely have done it's. It's coming back to your why, that that that makes you, um, come back to it. So you know it's, it's totally fine if and I think it's, I think it can be very easy, like I know myself, if I'm, if I'm just really like, let's say, healthy eating, if I have like a few days of eating really badly, let's say, you know it's very easy to be like, oh, fuck it, fuck it, I don't care.
Speaker 2:You know, whatever, well, I've done it. Now you know I've ruined it, so I might as well do. You know what I mean? I might, I might just as well carry on, you know, not doing my strength training or eating badly or whatever it is. But when you then remind yourself of why you were doing it in the first place you're like oh, yeah, and, and it kind of makes it easier to come back to it and I think we all have.
Speaker 2:We have to remember that it really is so easy to give up on something because we have a couple of bad days and we make that everything you know, like new year, you can get to sort of I don't know February the 7th and be like, have a couple of bad days or whatever your New Year's resolution was, and then think, oh well, what's the point? Now you know what's the point. Well, actually you've got the entire rest of the year and your life to carry on doing it. When you come back to the reasons why you started in the first place, I just think it's very important to remember that it's perfectly fine to have a bit of off time you have a bit of off time or you know times when you're not firing all cylinders and perhaps certain things are going, you know, slightly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well I've.
Speaker 1:I've just had a weekend of of really bad eating, of drinking too much, and this morning I really, really did not want to get out of bed and go for a run.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of following a half marathon training plan at the moment, just to and anyway I was due to go for a run. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to go and I literally had to come back to you know myself and go right, well, I've, I've, yeah, I have had a bit of a blowout weekend, but I'm gonna just, you know, I want it, I want to, I want to keep going with this plan. I want, you know, I really drilled into why do I want to do it? Because I know I'm going to feel good afterwards, because this is, you know, stick to my goals, and I did, and, of course, I felt great once I had done it. So, yeah, unless if I, yeah, you just have to constantly come back, but then, you know, don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon, because, yeah, we all human, we're all going to do that always, um, and you know the, even the best of us we all fall off the wagon um.
Speaker 2:So yeah, absolutely well, look, I think. Um, I mean we've pretty much done 29 minutes past. Yes, apologies again for the little blip in the middle, but but yes, that woman was leaving, or girl whoever she was was leaving, just really inappropriate comments. So I just felt like I had to say something because I knew that I wasn't properly focusing. So, anyway, that was why. But it's been a pleasure as ever. Thanks.
Speaker 1:Lucy. Thank you, yeah, I'm intrigued to know what she was saying. Maybe you have to tell me after no-transcript.