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Thursday Thoughts - Perspective

• Polly Warren

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On this week's Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about perspective.

The way we see and feel about life is largely about the lens we’re looking through - because two people with exactly the same circumstances can have two wildly different experiences of life.

So the question is: how do we take off the negative glasses, and replace them with a more rosy pair? It starts with awareness, and making tiny shifts consistently over time.

Polly and I talk about how we’ve both changed our perspective in recent years, and we share some tips that can make a real difference to how you perceive the world.

We hope you’ll find something useful in here!

Love,
Polly & Lucy x

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So, if you're ready, here we go.

Speaker 1:

So this morning we're going to talk about perspective, because I think we kind of have talked about perspective, because I think we kind of have talked about perspective. Quite often we kind of weave it through, but it's just going to be quite a good one, because quite often we can go through life with one type of perspective. It's almost like we're wearing one pair of glasses and we can meet challenges and feel like everything is very tough, everything is very difficult. Life is happening to us and we can kind of almost get into a rhythm of just. You know, it's quite easy to be negative about everything. However, when we switch that and we literally. It literally is like taking off that pair of glasses and putting on a nice fresh, clean pair of glasses. It's almost like taking off a pair of glasses it's all scratched and smudgy and you're not seeing the world in a way, in a way that you is kind of making you feel good. But you take those off and you put on a nice pair of clean glasses and suddenly you can switch how you see everything and it's quite amazing. You can switch from everything feeling really negative, really depressing things, not going your way, to actually just reframing it to a much more positive outlook. And honestly, I think this for me has been one of the biggest change game changes ever. It's just having that awareness of how you are viewing the world and then it's almost like, well, okay, let's, let's switch.

Speaker 1:

That actually is that really difficult thing which potentially I could get really wrapped up in and feel like it's the end of the world. Could that be actually something which is not so bad and maybe in the long term be something really positive? So one example I'm thinking of is for me, when I was going through my hideous perimenopause years and I didn't even realize that it was perimenopause. I was really not myself for about four years and yeah it was. It was pretty shit. I wasn't a very nice person to be around, nothing felt great.

Speaker 1:

But now I can see how, actually, all of that experience was such a gift because actually, if I hadn't have had that, it wouldn't have sent me off on this path that it sent me off in terms of learning about how to see the world differently. That really was the beginning of me waking up to a whole new way of being, because I kind of had to. I kind of realized that I couldn't carry on living in that particular way. I had to switch it. So it's so. I started to see it as a okay, this is here for a reason. It's got something to teach me and and in a way, now I can see it was such a gift and I'm grateful for it. So it really all it really is. It's just about can you switch the lens through which you are seeing the world and you know on a day-to-day basis, it can just really make life feel a little bit smoother yeah you know, just getting you know, things feel like they're not going your way.

Speaker 1:

For example, you, you, you're late for work, you're sitting in a traffic jam, you're panicking, you're getting across, you're shouting at everybody who's kind of getting in the way. Actually, instead of that and I know it's still frustrating, but actually instead could you put on a podcast or something, or an audio book and in fact use that time in a positive way, because there's nothing you can do about it. You can't control it remember, we can only control what we can control and actually instead arrive at work feeling a little bit more calm. We've done something a bit more night, you know, a bit nicer for ourselves, so it's just being able to switch it up. How can I use this really fucking annoying situation to actually benefit me in some way?

Speaker 1:

I think it's simply that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, it really is everything. This isn't it, this perspective shift it really does. It is the game changer in terms of how you feel about your life, and not only that, but how your life looks, because when you're seeing life through that first pair of glasses, that that negative lens, you know, you end up taking actions that are based on that life perspective and therefore you get results that are based on that life perspective, whereas when you switch to that new kind of rosy clear pair of glasses, you start taking actions based on that worldview and therefore your life starts matching that. So it's not just a silly little thing. This, this is fucking huge. It really is everything.

Speaker 2:

And one way that I've talked about this before I'm sure we've talked about it on here as well is you know, you can literally have two people who have the exact same set of circumstances. They have the same background, they live in the same place, they're, whatever you know, the same, essentially the same person, but wearing two different pairs of glasses and, depending on their perspective, they have a completely different experience of the world. And you know it kind of, even with like really bad things, um, but also with all the kind of, you know, like the messy middle, all of the kind of you know your average day or whatever it really you know, if you think about the fact that two people can have completely different experiences and the reason for that is the way that they are interpreting it, the way that what is their perspective, that is what is making the difference. So if you need some kind of proof that it really is the case, you know, you just think about that when I look back, like I used to see life through that first pair of glasses, that kind of murky, negative pair of glasses, that kind of lens, and it was only well, it was probably five years ago now, that I started to wake up and realize that I was doing it to myself, like we do this to ourselves but we don't even realize.

Speaker 2:

And when you become aware of what, of the way that, when you become aware that the way that you're thinking and feeling and therefore the life that you're seeing before you, it really is a result of the perspective that you have on life in the world and yourself, then you can start to make changes. And I've had such a huge shift in the way that I see life in the world over the last five years like huge you know, we've both experienced this, as you've just said like it is major and we just have to make the choice. And also, I think it can be very difficult to kind of hear this if you're not there yet, and for me it was something that I needed to hear from lots of different people in lots of different ways before I was like, oh my God, maybe the problem is me, maybe the problem isn't the world, maybe the problem is me, maybe the problem isn't the world, maybe the problem is me. And that's when I started exploring everything that you and I talk about and that's when I started making those changes. But the thing is, you know, like anything really worthwhile in life, it takes time.

Speaker 2:

It's not you can't, it's not literally. Okay, you know, sadly, we can't literally take off one pair of glasses and put on another and see the world completely differently. Overnight doesn't work like that. We have to. We have to make small little shifts daily. We have to be vigilant it comes back to vigilance of our thoughts and constant, not 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but as much as we can. We have to be aware of what we're thinking and how we are framing certain situations.

Speaker 2:

So if we, you know, use the example of being stuck in a traffic jam late for work, I mean that was me like going, you know, getting more and more and more wound up, and in that kind of situation, literally you have no control. You do not have any control, there's nothing you can do about it. The only thing that you can change in a situation like that is the way that you are viewing the situation and your response to that situation and your response to that situation. And whereas I used to be that girl sitting in traffic kind of freaking out and getting just increasingly wound up and just making myself feel increasingly bad, Now I will do exactly what you said, which is like okay, here I am stuck in this traffic jam, there is nothing I can do about this traffic jam. There is nothing I can do to change the circumstances that I find myself in, but what I can change is the way that I respond to them. So let me just put on this podcast.

Speaker 2:

Oh, look, I'm going to get a bit of extra time to finish listening to this really good podcast that I'm really enjoying, and when you can do that, it really does make such a big difference, but it but I think it is just it's it's a slow journey and we have to be consistent over time. And when you're consistent over time about noticing the way that you're viewing things, when you, when you become really consistent and you start making those little shifts every day or as much as you can, what happens is it kind of you gain momentum and then it becomes easier and then you more automatically start to think like that. So now and I know you're you're the same Polly, like I've done so so much of this kind of work on the way that I look at things and and the thoughts that I'm thinking, that now my, because I've created those literally create, I've changed my brain, I've changed the neural pathways in my brain, because that's what we're doing. This is all like neuroplasticity. We are changing our brain, which any one of us can do up until literally the day that we die, the more automatically you will find yourself thinking the way that is going to serve you. And that's what I find and it's it's how quickly can you kind of notice and shift. And it really is. I I'm sure we've explained.

Speaker 2:

I've certainly talked about this before on my podcast. It's like we have to think about. Those old neural pathways are like motorways, they're like highways. They're so well well worn, they're so well trodden that our brain will also say, for example, let's take the I'm. I'm not enough pathway in our brain, or that it's never going to happen to be pathway, or I'm a fuckwit or whatever it is, whatever negative thing that you've been thinking five, you know five, gazillion times. That is a pathway in your brain that is incredibly well worn and what we want to do is we want to, we want to literally create a new highway, a new motorway, but that starts with a little bridle path. That starts with, then you know a little um path and then it becomes like a, an, a road and then it becomes a b road. I don't know which is bigger out of a or b roads but you know what I?

Speaker 2:

mean and it, the more that we practice thinking in this different way, the more that the stronger those neural pathways get and the and the previous motorway pathway starts to shrink down a bit, it starts to reduce and the more positive, one starts to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

Speaker 2:

So our brain then much more automatically will shift to that neural pathway and we'll have that thought instead um, but it but always. I just say we have to remind ourselves that, that you know, like I said just this, two people with exactly the same life circumstances can see their lives in two completely different ways. And also, I think it's a lot to do with how we choose to frame the bad things that happen to us. Like I used to be that girl who was like oh my God, why is this happening to me? Oh, everything's always happening to me and blah, blah, blah blah. I was such a fucking victim. And so we have to recognize when we're doing that and realize that actually we do have a choice. We have to be intentional about making the choice to shift our perspective, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, we are in. You know. We have so much power and control of how we think. You know. Think of Viktor Frankl in his book. You know.

Speaker 2:

Man's Search for Meaning. Man's Search for Meaning.

Speaker 1:

And you know he was in a concentration camp during the war and he still had power over how he was thinking and the perspective that he gave to that situation and that's what got him through, and so it is super powerful. Even when you're in the worst situation, you still have. The one thing no one can take from you is what is going on in your mind and you can reframe. That situation really was making me think actually, um, when I was going to where were? We can't remember. I was flying recently and oh my, oh, it's when we were going to Jamaica, I think we had to get a connecting flight and we basically it was so tight, the connecting and we had to wait in a queue to recheck in our luggage and the. I was actually really impressed with us, my me and my family, because we although it was really tense and but it was like, well, what can we do? We're literally there's nothing we can do. He's got to wait in this queue and see what happens.

Speaker 1:

But there was this poor woman I felt so bad for her who was just in front of us and she just wasn't coping with the situation at all. She really was. She was shaking, she was crying. She was like she couldn't cope with the stress that she might not get on this flight and it. That was such a brilliant example. We were both in exactly the same situation and I chose to think, you know, I was able to kind of go well, ok, we're here, whatever happens happens, but I can remain calm. It was still quite stressful, but it's like I can remain calm, I'm in control. And she was absolutely losing her mind and having the most horrendous situation and in fact we all got on the plane, it was all OK. But all of that wasted energy and all of that, you know, those horrible feelings that she was feeling she could have avoided if she had sort of tried to see it from a different viewpoint, but I also.

Speaker 1:

There's also another part to this, I think, is if you are someone whose nervous system is always jacked up, in that, really, you know, if you're someone who's constantly stressed and you've got that chronic stress constantly going on and you're not doing anything to bring your nervous system back down into a more balanced, regulated state, you are going to find this much, much more difficult, because when you're in that really stressed out state, you are your body, your physiology of your body is primed to just get hyper-focused and be on hyper-alert, because if you think about it, you're being, you know, you're looking out for all the danger that there possibly is.

Speaker 1:

So you're more likely to look for the danger or for the negativity than you are to be able to see it from a different perspective different for the negativity than you are to be able to see it from a different perspective.

Speaker 1:

So that's another reason to just really focus on, you know, finding ways to calm your nervous system, to be in a more regulated state, because it's going to help you be able to shift your perspective much more easily, to be able to constantly toggle between being able to see things from a, from a better, you know, from an easier, from more ease, rather than like, because it's virtually impossible, if you're really stressed, because you are just like, oh, hyper focus, yeah, but as you say, you know, with practice, more and more and more practice, it becomes just so much easier and and, yeah, it just becomes your default. It's like. It's like what we always say is, when you um start seeing the good things and you have more positive mindset, then you just see more of those good things. It's just easier. Your mind is like this radar, looking for the positive point of view or the easy point of view as opposed to the negative.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, it's a really good thing because I, like you, know, our brains are always going to find the thing that we're most familiar with. Our brains are always going to find more of what we're focusing on. So if we're focusing on the bad shit, then our brains are going to find more of it. As simple as that. It really really is. One thing I just wanted to say. Well, two things actually.

Speaker 2:

Um, just going back to what you were saying about the lady in the airport, and it's, it's something that, um, eckhart Tolle talks about, and also Byron Katie. Do you know, byron Katie, I'm sure you've heard, yeah, and they both talk about this that you know how, how so much of what we go through is and so much of our feeling bad is actually a result of us resisting what is, resisting what is in front of us, which is fucking futile and that airport example is a really good example of that is that woman and I completely get it. Oh my god, you know, I completely get it. Oh my God, you know, we all get it, I've got, I totally get it. Um, but it's the kind of thing where but she was completely resisting what was like there is no point in resisting what is, and I know that is a very simplified way of explaining it and thinking about it, but actually it is. It is that simple Either we're resisting what is in front of us or we're not. And if we're resisting whatever situation we find ourselves in that we don't find pleasing, then we're going to make it worse. But if we don't resist it and we just accept it, then we're going to make it much easier and Polly.

Speaker 2:

Going back to what you were saying about all the somatic stuff and the body stuff, which is obviously your, your kind of area of expertise, I want to ask you actually, because I've been meditating. I've been meditating that's a new word. I've been meditating. Even I haven't been dating at all that would be bad timing if I had been but no I. So I I've been meditating to binaural beats and this kind of, this kind of hurts. That is really good. Do you know much about this?

Speaker 1:

no, not enough.

Speaker 2:

I know there are certain there's certain frequencies and it really helps go into your brainwaves to settle into slower states yeah, and I've been using there's this, there's this particular track that I'm using on YouTube and I find it. It's amazing and, like this morning, I just did it because, um, mondays are always a bit more rushed, because we have Monday motivation at nine and I have cock-a-doodle-doo at six, and so I try, you know, between likes, between finishing cock-a-doodle-doo, I then do so. I try, you know, between likes, between finishing cock-a-doodle-doo, I then do my own meditation and then I do a workout, try and go for a walk and then have a shower and get ready for this. So I did a shorter, all that is to say, I did a shorter meditation than I would normally like to. It's amazing how, in less than 15 minutes, I can drop in so much better in this, because it does something to your brain waves, right, and that brain, heart, coherence. I think that's kind of what it helps do. It helps us bring our heart and our brain into coherence is which is what we, what we want. I'm explaining this incredibly badly, but anyway, look it up because it's, or you know, to anyone listening or watching, I think it's especially. I think, if you are doing a shorter meditation, it can be a really good way of um, slowing down your brainwaves, because that's what we want in meditation.

Speaker 2:

We want to slow down our brainwaves so that we are getting back into our parasympathetic nervous system, calming down our nervous system, regulating our nervous system and, like you say. Well, I mean, we did we talk about this last week, holly? Um, did we talk about? Uh, I was talking about those, the three states and going up and down the ladder. Do you remember what was? What was the topic? Um, bloody topic it was.

Speaker 2:

Anyway. It was to do with, like, nervous system getting back into balance and how we're always on one of those three. We're always on one of those three rungs of the ladders and what we want to do is, as much as we can, we want to be in our parasympathetic nervous system, in that state of rest or digest, and we want to be able to, like you said, you always say, toggle between the two and when you get used to sitting in meditation or breath work, you get much better at bringing yourself back into that state. So when you're in your sympathetic nervous system, in the way that an animal like a deer, for example a deer in the headlights will be stressed in that moment, but they'll very, it'll very quickly be able to bring itself back into homeostasis, which is what we're so shit at as humans.

Speaker 2:

We just sit in our sympathetic nervous system for much longer than we should. And you know, like you say, we want to. We want to be able to toggle easily between those two. So when we feel stressed, we want to more easily be able to bring ourselves back into our parasympathetic nervous system, because from that state, it's only in that state that we can respond to things instead of react. It's only in that state that we can actually not resist what is that we can much, where we can much more easily accept what is rather than being like yeah, you know, and it's also what that does.

Speaker 1:

It buys you that time, that time between your reaction and response, so well you know the stimulus and the response so that you are able to in I mean, it's it's like you know a moment, but you find yourself being able to rather, rather than just you know and particularly if someone's really irritated you and your first reaction might be just to snap back at them Actually what that enables you to do when your nervous system is more regulated.

Speaker 1:

It literally enables you to take a breath, to realize that is not the best response and actually to choose a better response.

Speaker 1:

So for me this has been amazing dealing with teenagers, because it's very easy to kind of lose it say what, yeah, what is on you know they've done, you know on your, you just get at them but actually that is never, ever the best thing to do and it never, ever, ever works.

Speaker 1:

And so actually to be able to take a pause to consider what you're going to respond with and say it is just just so helpful, and you can only really do that when your nervous system is able to come back into that parasympathetic so it's all, it's all so linked being able to take control of your thoughts and of your mind and your how your body is responding with stress, and it just becomes so much more easy to respond well and to to change the way you're thinking. When your body is in a, in a, in a more relaxed state, it's it just is, it's just how it is, uh, so it's like it's it's the mind thing, but it is also very much a body thing as well yeah, and the crazy thing is is that it's actually really easy to get back into our parasympathetic nervous system.

Speaker 2:

It's just a case of taking two or three minutes to just do some breathing, for example, activate that vagus nerve that is so important. That activates our parasympathetic nervous system. Sorry, love, were you going to say something? Well, I was going to say also how many were you saying?

Speaker 1:

and also things like humming. Humming is a great way of activating your vagus nerve. Yeah, there's so many different ways. I mean it's every, and this is the thing you know. There are so many different ways that you can do it and everybody is is unique and different, so it's about finding what works for you. Breathing I love, because it is so simple and it actually is connected so deeply with your autonomic nervous system that it literally can take you very quickly back into your parasympathetic um. But you know, sometimes it could just be going outside getting some fresh air. Yeah, as I say, humming it might be, I don't know. Whatever, whatever, whatever it is for you, but it's yes, it's so important to have that awareness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Which can then help you with all of this sort of stuff as well.

Speaker 2:

Someone in my membership the other day shout out to Julie. She was, we were talking about this and she said something I'd never heard. I don't know whether you've heard this, but way of activating your um vagus nerve is to, with your tongue, circle the inside of your mouth, like in front of your teeth and yeah, have you not, because I wonder whether you had? Apparently that is another way to circle your tongue around the inside. So, like, I won't do it now, but circling your tongue on the inside of your mouth is another way of having that same effect. So breathing can do it, humming can do it, that can do it, meditation can do it.

Speaker 2:

There are so many ways that we can achieve this state and get back into that state of homeostasis because, like you say, the brain and the body are inextricably linked. So we have to understand that we've got to deal with both of those things, not just one or the other. And in fact I don't talk enough about the body side of this. I talk a lot about the mind side of it, but not enough about the body side of it. Um, but I think you know, I know for you and I always comes back to our morning routine and doing that breath work and doing that meditation first thing in the day, and just that can say it doesn't even have to be first thing in the morning, it's just that consistency. And you know it doesn't have to be every single day. I don't meditate every single day. I have days where I, you know I'm shit and I don't do anything like that, but more often than not I do.

Speaker 1:

And it's that consistency over time that just means that your set points, you, you just end up with a better set point so you're you're more easily able to come back into that, into that rest and digest yeah and also if I don't have time to to, like you know, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it is to sit and do, breath or meditate, I'll simply if you know it's just having that awareness, sometimes I literally will just take three really slow breaths. Or if I'm driving, I'll just be really conscious of how I'm breathing and just try and slow down my breathing in a really functional way. So it's just even not, you know, you don't necessarily always have to have a block, although that's really lovely and that's great. You can actually find it's just having again that awareness that whatever you're doing, you can bring yourself back down.

Speaker 1:

It's a more relaxed day. So that's what I've been really focusing on actually a lot recently, particularly when I'm driving. It's a really good one just to breathe, breathing through my nose and just gently just slowing down my breath. Even that sometimes is enough and you don't and it's and it's great because you, you know you're not, you don't, you can still be alert. You can still be alert, but you're still actually just consciously relaxing and just reminding your body what it's like to feel safe and okay.

Speaker 2:

Basically, yeah well, I think we're dearly done, baby. It's 29 minutes past, perfect, all right.

Speaker 1:

So we'll be back next week talking about who knows what we will see, and actually we may need to do some doubling up soon because I'm away the first two weeks of july oh shit.

Speaker 2:

Well, oh my god, then we definitely do. Okay, we'll have to speak on the phone, yeah yeah, all right, all right you too.