MENOMORPHOSIS
MENOMORPHOSIS is the go-to podcast for midlife women who are ready to stop feeling like a stranger in their own body — and start feeling calm, energised, and back in charge.
If you're navigating peri/menopause or the messy middle of midlife, you’ll find grounded support, science-backed tools, and compassionate conversations to help you feel more like yourself again — only wiser.
Hosted by Breath & Wellness Coach Polly Warren, each episode blends real-life insight with nervous system know-how to help you navigate hormones, emotions, energy, and identity with more ease — and a lot less pressure.
So take a deep breath. And when you’re ready…
Let the beautiful Menomorphosis begin.
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - The Haters Gonna Hate
On today's Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are discussing a piece that came out recently in The Telegraph, in which Lucy talks about being happily single and childfree.
The hate she received in the comments has been mind blowing and there are over 1,200 comments.
We hope you'll enjoy our conversation about haters, mindset, and the fear we all have of other people's opinions and judgements.
Love,
Polly & Lucy x
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Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what on earth are they? I hear you ask. Well, my friend Lucy and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, the ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go. So this morning, after the storm, I was actually just looking through some of the comments again, sorry.
Speaker 1:I don't Honestly, lucy. You have caused a storm.
Speaker 2:It's actually hilarious, I mean for anyone who's going, for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, which is, you know, probably people are like what, but basically. So I had a new book out called Shiny Happy Singles Quick plug. Thanks very much. And long story short, I did a piece for the telegraph which came out on what day did it come out? On tuesday, and basically the hate that I've received since tuesday in the comments of of that that article has just been absolutely wild and crazy and eye-opening and just horrible.
Speaker 2:Um, and, and in fact it was, I mean because I know, I know we sort of decided to talk about this, didn't we just yesterday? We just thought we need to do an extra Monday motivation. So what should we talk about? And this is a good subject, not not to talk about, you know, the article itself or whatever, but just more as a kind of talking about how people can be and how to, how to rise above that kind of hate. And and also I think it's a really good lesson in let's just be fucking kind like they, kind of like. I'll give you an example. So for anyone who hasn't, you know, doesn't know what I'm talking about, doesn't know what we're talking about and hasn't read the piece or the comments. So the amount of vitriol and hate that has come my way has genuinely been incredible and the kind of things that people say I've actually been really shocked by, because you you don't realize how, how cruel people can be until you do realize, but when you're actually directly on the receiving end of it it's genuinely gobsmacking. So, for example, a woman this morning and actually her comment was deleted but a woman I'm going to read her name out, her name is Linda Simpson jumped on this morning and said frigid and boring Because basically, to put it in context, the piece talks about me being happily single and childless.
Speaker 2:To put it in context, the piece talks about being, talks about me being happily single and childless, and I also talk about the fact that I haven't had sex for five years, but how. I'm okay with that. And essentially, anyone who knows me and listens to the podcast and listens to you and I will know that my message essentially is to try and help other single women feel better about being single and not having kids, because and the irony is, of course, that all that these haters have done is massively reinforce the reasons why I started my podcast in the first place and why I've written this book. So actually the crazy thing is that they have raised my profile. They've brought more attention to a really important topic. But it's amazing how triggering people find it when a single woman talks about being happy, happily single and happily without kids.
Speaker 2:And for a woman to jump on and to stay frigid and boring out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:It is mind blowing. It has literally blown my mind. Yes, people can go out of their way to comment on an article of this woman who is saying that how happy she is living the life in the way that she chooses to live her life. Not only that is that she's choosing to help other people feel better about their lives and living the way their lives. You know how they're living. You know, it's not just you saying this is me. It's like actually I'm doing something else to help other people.
Speaker 1:And people then go out of their way to just put right horrible, horrible, mean, spiteful, disgusting comments. It's just literally like I mean say there were some of them saying things like you know, your life is pointless, meaningless, how you must be lying, that you're not um, that you're not happy. What were some other ones? It was, um, yeah, what a pointless life, a meaningless life, a dreadful existence. I mean, who are these people to to make that judgment on your life and to take time to write it? But so, anyway, that has happened. But what, lucy, honestly, is just been so incredible to see and I and I and you know, and we talked about this, uh is how you responded to that. Because, as you said in your yourself. You know, if this had been just a couple of years ago, when you weren't at the place, that you are now, this really confident, dynamic, self-assured woman, and of course, some of those comments are going to get you because you're human.
Speaker 1:You know you're human, but your response to it has been amazing, and even some of the comments that you wrote you know were amazing're human, but your response to it has been amazing, and even some of the comments that you wrote, you know, were amazing, but also the fact that we had a conversation about this yesterday how you said actually I'm rising above it, I can see that it's actually really helping my cause and actually they're doing me a favor and actually I really pity them. So that's what we want to really talk about this morning is how do you get to that point where you are able to rise above it to see it for what it is, um and and yeah, for anybody else who's listening. You know that is where we want to be, because actually, you know we can see these people, you know, are not, are not obviously very happy people in their, in their own lives.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think that that's one thing to say, um, that I don't think I put it in my comment, but but you and I have definitely talked about this before because obviously you and I have discussed the fact that I've had I've had some hate on Instagram and like trolls on Instagram, and the truth is that that anybody who actually goes like you were saying at the beginning, goes out of their way to go into the comments and post something nasty about somebody else spiteful, mean, because that's what it is for for no other reason than you know. They're just just being mean. People comment on my Instagram really nasty things about my message and me and all the rest of it, right, and my question always is why the fuck are you following me? Why? Why are you even like looking at my post? I've had, I've had I mean, I had one, as you know, one really bad troll for a while who I've now blocked, but she or he, whoever it it was, would repeatedly come in and every single time I posted they would comment on things that I'd said in the podcast. So they were obviously following the podcast really closely.
Speaker 2:Right now, if I listen to a podcast that I don't like. All I do is guess what I do? I get my finger, I get my finger and I go press stop and it stops and I move on. So this is what is so mind-blowing, is that that these people actually the irony is that they're sort of having all these opinions and saying all these things and actually all they need to do is just move on. If they don't like it, just move on, and so. So yeah, just that's what I just wanted to say. The first thing is that anybody who does this I don't think that people who make nasty comments in in, you know, on podcasts or whatever it be, on articles or whatever I just don't think they're very happy in their own head, because when you are peaceful in your own head, when you're happy in your own head, you don't feel the need to tear other people down. It's really really, really simple. You just don't need to tear people down when you feel good about yourself.
Speaker 2:And but in terms of kind of dealing with stuff like this, I mean, what I would say is you say you and I talked about this yesterday. I'm so grateful for all the work that I have done on myself, and people may be rolling their eyes at that. But but it's true, because what it boils down to is is your mindset and how and the lens through which you are viewing life. And because I've changed the way that I view myself and I view life over the last five years and I've just sort of really dived into all of the kind of inner work stuff and I've really changed the way that I respond to things, react to things. Um, that is why I've been able to genuinely like not gonna lie, it fucking hurts when people say, like some of the comments are well, they're all personal. So you know, I'm not, I'm not a robot, like obviously I'm human, so they, they hurt.
Speaker 2:But what's been really interesting is how I have been able to rise above it and literally completely detach myself from and and read it as if I'm reading an article, as if I'm about somebody else, you, as if it's about somebody else. You know what I mean. So completely detached myself from it being personal to me. And that's really really interesting, because five years ago this would have completely crushed me and I would have been mortally wounded and absolutely devastated. I would have been in tears. You know what I mean and I think a lot of people probably would have. So it really is interesting how, when you do that work on yourself, what it does is it just enables you to better deal with the shit that life throws at you.
Speaker 2:You and I talk all the time about meditation, we talk about being aware of our thoughts, and ultimately, what it boils down to is is self-awareness, and and that is what the people in the comments of this piece do not have they they do. They are not awake, they are not aware, they are fucking zombies living in, you know, living in the matrix. They're, they're completely unaware. And so the first thing, I think, is to have that self-awareness, because that's where it all starts, doesn't it? With just becoming aware of yourself and becoming aware of your thoughts, and that is kind of where it starts, would you? Would you agree?
Speaker 1:absolutely it's about. It's about it's being aware of the lens through which you're seeing the world yeah because you can, only you can only. You can only change that when you're aware of how you are viewing it.
Speaker 1:So if you're going to be that kind of person who's going to make a really nasty personal comment to someone you don't know, who's actually nothing to do with you, and you're just judging her life from your own personal experience. So, from these people's personal experience, it's obviously the worst possible thing in the world for a single woman to be happy. I mean it's, I mean, it is bonkers, um, but that's what they truly believe. That is their belief system. Yeah, and that is, you know, they've got always. That is how they are seeing the world and and you know, we, you have to understand that these people are probably have a huge you know, as we all do, we all have a load of shit which we've all gone through in our lives and actually they probably haven't faced any of it. They are still living from through that lens, with all those stories. But what happens when you have that self-awareness is that you can start to gently, gently, start to see some of those old thought patterns, some of those old beliefs, that, so that you can actually start to change it and you can start to rewire those that your thoughts rewire, um, your beliefs, and then that, that that moves towards your identity, and then you, you, you can shift the way you see everything and you do. You wake up to see what the world is all about. You know those, those people.
Speaker 1:When you're that kind of person to make hateful comments, you are living from a place of fear, from a place of so much lack and scarcity and just you know where's the love. You know you can't and that's what you were so brilliant with with the comments. For most of them, I know you said there were a couple you couldn't help but be a little bit sarcastic about, but for the most part, lucy, you were replying with love.
Speaker 1:You know, and that's the thing with anybody who's saying something mean. Actually, if you can just reply with love with something which isn't coming from the same place as them, then no one really knows what to do with that, and it's actually like it just takes all the heat out of it and it just diffuses it.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I agree, I think self-awareness is such an important part, but it's being aware of that conditioning, of those stories, of all the wounds, of all the trauma. You know, we've all got it from the past and can we sort of take almost like a bird's eye view and on our own, and a lot of the time it's about getting quiet, about noticing, about you know, and all those things we say. But sometimes, you know, sometimes you need help out, external help as well, to help you look and just notice. You know someone. It's almost like having a mirror reflected back at you to say you know, can you actually see the way you're behaving is not, is not coming from a good place totally and and as well as kind of um people coming from a place of fear.
Speaker 2:I think also, what it says to me is that so many people are so angry. People are just so angry or like about. You know what I mean this is? This is what amazes me. It's like, oh my god, the kind of the rage that comes out from just a woman speaking out about being happily single and childless and being OK without sex. You know what I mean? It's just bonkers, how much anger that people seem to have. I mean, truly. I was talking. I was actually interviewed for somebody else's podcast yesterday. There's an amazing woman called Nandita bajaj, who, um works for an organization called population balance, so she talks all about and this is this is one of the crazy things, right? So one of the things that people are obsessed about in the comments. So several people have accused me of like being the reason why the human race is going to become extinct. It's like, oh my god, what, what, what, what? It's ridiculous, it's just hilarious. But it's incredible how how this kind of really right wing view of the world that all women should have must have kids.
Speaker 1:You are, you know, somebody actually telegraphed sorry they are telegraph readers, let's not forget.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally but somebody, somebody, um somebody said oh god, I've completely forgotten what they said I mean there have just been so many, so many horrible comments it was something about your extinction, wasn't it?
Speaker 1:it was something about yeah, yeah for the extinction of the human race, I mean, but there was.
Speaker 2:It was really interesting that there were several like that and and this. But going back to my interview yesterday, nandita and I were talking obviously, we were talking about it before we did our, before we recorded the podcast, and we were talking about the fact that the crazy thing is that all of these people are, you know, up in arms in the comments about somebody choosing not to have children and therefore, you know, like, really saying things like, well, it's lucky your parents didn't have the same thoughts as you. Well, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, and and and also the other really interesting thing is but you know, what will your legacy be? You know, having children means you have a stake in the future and all of this stuff. And it's just like, oh, my God, you listening to yourself, listen to this guy. So this, this guy, tim Gardner, gardner, hi, tim, um.
Speaker 2:So this was his comment on the piece. He said there is high regard for self, little regard for others, life is in the moment and there is no thought for the future. Brackets in this world or the next. Okay, oh, apparently I've got to be scared about the next world. Okay, he says. He says any suffering brackets, which is minimal and inferred rather than discussed, is brushed off. So I'm brushing off my suffering. Her isolation is her choice, but if she were to encounter serious hardship, I think she would have to significantly re-evaluate all her choices.
Speaker 2:But listen to this bit. This is, this is hilarious. This is typical of a line of Telegraph articles by barren women promoting barren life choices. They are carefree but joyless, convincing themselves and other barren women that their barrenness is good. How many times can you use the word barren in one sentence? I mean and that is just. That's just one that's coming this morning, that's just one that's coming this morning. Someone, someone else said get rid, this has been up three days now. It is not news, it's crap. So it's like well, then again, you know what are you doing back in the comments? But somehow, if it's that boring, what? What are you doing back in the comment section?
Speaker 1:yeah, go on no, this, this.
Speaker 2:So john williams says I'm not a good advert for humanity.
Speaker 1:Thanks, john if this were a man, I mean, I wonder how they would respond to that if if this article. If it had just been literally from a man's point of view, it just wouldn't be. I mean, on his own it wouldn't.
Speaker 2:It wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be the same if this. If a guy had written the exact same article, I really don't think that he would have received this much hate in the comments in terms of the comments.
Speaker 1:What's the percentage of men in terms of the hateful comments? What's the percentage of men and men and women?
Speaker 2:well, do you know what I've been really surprised by? How many women have also been hurling hate as well. I mean it is it is mainly men, I would say. In terms of percentages, it's like, in terms of hateful stuff and nice stuff, it's probably about 80, 20 or maybe 70, 30 at a push. So about 80 percent of it is hate and about 20% is supportive and nice. But there are I don't know what, I don't know what percentage of men and women, but there are a lot of women in here as well. It's definitely not just men. There's many, many, many women, which is quite kind of shocking actually to do. You know what I mean to hear it from women as well. And yeah, it's just. Oh, here's another one love of her life, her bonkers cat, oh dear. Don't be mean about johnny don't you dare.
Speaker 1:That will get at least the angry.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's the one thing. But no, I think it really it. I was just thinking about this morning and and, ultimately, like I'm really lucky that I can can take this and separate myself from it and and, yes, rise above it and and laugh at it and not allow it to really affect me or upset me or make me kind of just want to stop doing what I'm doing. It does the opposite. It just fuels the fire in my belly and it just makes me want to talk about it more, because what these people have done have just they have just made this issue even more important and even more essential to talk about it. But I think it's really made me think that you know it's you have to.
Speaker 2:People's comments really affect people like there are. There are other people Somebody else might have, might have had this article in the Telegraph and might have responded really, really badly, because because again, again, I could see myself five or ten years ago. This would have sent me into a complete downward spiral and I think I would have just hidden myself away and never wanted to go out again.
Speaker 2:You know yeah, so I think, we have to be really careful what we say, we have to be really careful with our words and ultimately it's it's not hard to be kind, but just being kind it's it's so easy to just be kind and just like you were saying, you know, just put love out in the world.
Speaker 2:And actually the reason, the reason the world, particularly at the moment, with everything that is going on and God knows what's going to happen went inwards and examined themselves a bit more and worked on becoming peaceful in their own minds, the world would literally be a better place. The reason it's in such a mess is because people are not awake and people are not self-aware and people are living from their egos and they're angry and they're, you know, it's like them and us and all of that crap. Ultimately, we're all connected. Know, it's like them and us and all of that crap. Ultimately we're all connected. We're all human beings, you know, and it's just, if everybody was a bit kinder and if everybody just had a little bit more self-awareness, the world literally would be a more peaceful place.
Speaker 1:So I just you know anyway, you have to and you know what we have to remember. You know, when you look at the comments on your Instagram from in response to what you've posted about this, it's just so lovely because there is such an outpouring of support and love and you have to remember that. You know that's where we if we were all more of us were coming from. That place of support and love were coming from that place of support and love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you say, the world would be such will be so much more peaceful and all of this.
Speaker 1:You know, all of this separation and ego and hate would just melt away. But it's those people who are just convincing themselves that they, their way, is the right way, the way they see the world, is the right way.
Speaker 2:That's the issue and you know what the other thing is, polly. Just just what I think of it is that you know, I, reading through these comments, it actually makes me feel so lucky that I don't have to live in their heads, because living in the heads of people who write comments like that it's not a nice place to live. If you are, if you are the kind of person that writes those kind of hateful comments, then your head is a is a prison. Essentially, your mind is a prison. It's not. It's not a nice place to be. You know, it's really not.
Speaker 2:And and also the other thing is that I keep reminding myself of is actually we should feel sorry for these people and I know that sounds really patronizing, but but fuck it. Um, we but, but you do, you have to feel sorry for people like this, because, god, I'm so glad that I'm not them. You know I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to be again, I wouldn't want to be living in their head. So I think actually you know people who are calling my life pitiful and all the rest of it. Actually, I'm not the one that needs pity.
Speaker 1:You know they are the ones that need the pity.
Speaker 2:Not single women, the people that are slagging off single women, and and also one other thing that I just wanted to say, because one of the one of the main sort of narratives that's come out of this, which is again just fuels the fire in my belly and and was one of the main reasons that I started my podcast in the first place and wrote this book is that there were so many comments that implied that I was lying about being happy. It's unbelievable. The lady doth protest too much. That line was used multiple times in the comment section. So many people said the lady doth protest too much. So for anyone listening or watching this, you know when a when a single woman says that she is happy, just fucking believe her, because there's nothing worse than than people telling you that you are being being dishonest about about the fact that you're happy, and it's just incredible to me how many people in the comments have have said you know, like, like some, like. There are many.
Speaker 2:I think I posted one on Instagram. There were lots of people who said things like yeah, right, yeah, sure you are, yeah, you know you might be convincing yourself, but you're not convincing anyone else, and that is one of the narratives around single women. That is is why there it's so damaging, because when your life is constantly brought into question and when you eat, when you show people not just tell but when you are obviously happy and, like you know, enjoying your life and still people doubt it, that is, again, it's a reason why I want my book to just fucking explode. I want it to get massive and and I have to thank all of these haters who who came in and commented on this piece the fact that it's still up now, three days later, in the telegraph, fact that it's still getting comments, the fact that the telegraph put it on the home page that's the irony. You know, they're saying all these awful things, but they have helped me to put this message out there even more so it yeah, yeah so I mean that's and that's, you know.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's and that's the other thing. It's a great way to see it. These guys actually are really helping you. Yeah, your book and get your message out there and actually, yes, it's just highlighting the need for your work, lucy, more than anything, and the fact that you know. Honestly, the thing which I couldn't get over is that it's saying, oh, your existence is meaningless. I know, just looking at the comments on your Instagram, how many single, child-free women in you know this is actually helping and supporting and helping them to live their lives in a way which feels good, not shameful. So I mean it's, yeah. Well, I mean do you know what?
Speaker 1:Well, done you, because it takes a lot to totally, to put yourself out there, which you absolutely, 100% have. And if I had known this was you, if I had known this was going to happen a few years ago, when I first met you, I honestly would have been like oh my God, because you were even terrified about just putting a post up on Instagram let alone being on the homepage of the Telegraph.
Speaker 2:I know well, I mean, mean, and the thing is though, and it still makes me, it's still obviously, it's very, you know, it makes me feel sick when I even look at the article, because it's just like, oh my god, because and, by the way, I didn't write it, it was ghost written, everybody's, you know they're, they're like I. I was interviewed by a woman from the telegraph who subsequently wrote the article and that, no secret, that's very normal for a writer at the Telegraph to do a first person piece off the back of an interview. So, and of course it was, of course it was a, it was written in a way that was going to get reaction because it is the Telegraph. But I just wanted to kind of add that in because I didn't write that piece myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was know it.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely was. And there's a part of me that just looks at it and cringes and thinks and of course I'm thinking, oh my god, who's gonna see it, who's gonna read it? This is, oh my god, you know there is a part of me that wants to hide away, but yes, it's. It's amazing how you, you know, like you and I talked about this yesterday it's like you. The reason it takes time, I think, to get to where you want to get in life is because actually, we need to sort of, you need to do that, you need to do that sort of foundational work to get to a place where you can hold shit like this. Because, like you say, when you and I first met three years ago, I, the first time I put a video on Instagram, I had a fucking panic attack, like I. If you scroll back into the very beginning of my Instagram, I mean it is cringe, mcbloody cringe. It's just like, oh my God, terrifying Cause. I didn't even have an Instagram account before I started the podcast because I was like I hate social media. But yeah, it's, it definitely has been a very eyeopening few days and I think, think, but again, it's, it's, it's. What's crazy is that I don't think I even realized how and yes, admittedly these are people who read a specific paper, a particular paper, so they're coming from a particular viewpoint, you know in general. But but actually it's, it's really I didn't even realize actually, how negative people thought of single women without kids. Like, even I didn't realize how deep that goes and how awful the thoughts are around happily single women. It really is crazy and so, but again, you know I've said this like 5,000 times, so I'm repeating myself but this, this, it's so incredibly important for this to be talked about more and I'm so pleased that this essentially went viral. I mean, I don't know whether you do, would you call it that? I don't know what it means to go viral, but it's got over 1,000 comments, which I think is pretty, pretty crazy. Um, but I'm so pleased that it did because, apart from the else, you know, people have been getting in touch with me. Bbc radio scotland sent me an email yesterday saying we'd love to have you on the show and that was obviously because they they'd seen this piece. Um, and also I'm going to be on jeremy vines radio two show, for anyone who wants to tune in, next friday, the 4th of july, one o'clock, and I'm absolutely going to bring this up with jeremy and hopefully talk about it a bit more, because it's it's something that needs to be.
Speaker 2:You know, the and I've said this before the world needs to realize that, not apart from anything else, there are many, many, many, many, many, many, many single, childless women in the world who are not living miserable, lonely, desperate lives, who are actually living fabulous lives that mean just as much and are just as valid, just as valuable, just as meaningful, just as fulfilling. I mean the number of someone actually pointedly asked me in the comments Lucy, could you, could you tell me exactly how you you know how your life is, is fulfilled, is is fulfilled and you know how? Where do you derive purpose and meaning in your life? As if to say, but I don't understand if you're not in a relationship and you don't have kids, I don't understand how there is meaning and purpose in your life. I mean that alone, that that narrative alone, is just like what what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:it's completely nuts and you know, and how I mean that's the thing, and I bet you know, if you ask them, are you truly happy if you were married and with your you know, are you truly happy? Yeah, and honestly, it's just nuts. I mean, ultimately, what I can see is, in order to find, be at it from a place of, like you can, like you know, not being able to rise above it, you've got to have a real sense of self-value, of self-worth, self-confidence, all these qualities which give you that really solid foundation which enables you to then be able to go. Actually, do you know what? I'm all right, I'm good, thanks. And whereas if you are not, if you haven't got that solid foundation, then it's obviously you know it's easy to then fall into these not very nice patterns.
Speaker 1:So I think, for anybody listening, that is where, if you want to get to a place where Lucy is today in terms of you can sort of rise above these issues. It's really about self-reflection. Look at yourself how is your confidence, how would you react in a situation like this? And if you feel like you'd be quite wobbly, then really it's time to start just noticing your thoughts, how you value yourself and what's your own self-worth like, and those, all of those things can be worked on, and all of those things you know as, as you and I both know, can be, yeah, improved, and so that you can get to a place where you can rise above it and also one other thing, just to add, because I think this is so key, is how you know, ask yourself like, or or realize.
Speaker 2:I think because, because all of us, without exception, care far too much about the opinions of other people, far too much, and this, this is part of the problem and this is why, you know, we hold ourselves back. I held myself back for decades of my life, not doing the things that I really wanted to be doing, not putting myself out there, because I was so shit scared of what other people were going to think, particularly people who've known me since I was young people. I was at school with all of that. You know we all have it, and I think we. You know it's really interesting.
Speaker 2:When you start to think about this, you realize how so much of what you do or you don't do in life comes down to the fear of what other people are going to think. And actually you know that's why there's no way I would have had a piece about me like this in a paper five, five, ten years ago. That is absolutely no way in hell I would have. There's no way. But one one way that I deal with this and even since starting podcasts. You know I've talked about this many, many times. Both of us have talked about the fear of what other people think, because it it does hold us all back. It holds every single one of us back, without a doubt. I don't think there is one person on this planet who genuinely doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. Like you know, you can, maybe you can you start caring less as you get older and maybe you get better at just doing the damn thing anyway. I've got better at doing it anyway, but I don't think. I don't know if it's possible for a human being to actually not give a shit what anybody thinks. I think if you, if you're like that, then you're bloody lucky. But this sounds a bit ridiculous. But one thing that I always think and I remind myself of this, and I reminded myself of this on Tuesday when I knew this piece was going out which is you know what? We're all gonna be fucking dead in hundreds of years. Who gives a shit like? Who cares?
Speaker 2:Honestly, I have I say that to myself frequently when I do a podcast I think, oh god, what the hell was I on about? Or I'm embarrassed about something I said in an interview, or you know when I'm embarrassed about. I've cringed at so many reels I've done on Instagram and actually what I say to myself is we'll all be bloody, dead and gone in 50 to 100 years, so it doesn't bloody matter. And are you going to allow yourself to hold yourself back now because of the fear of what other people think, when none of us are going to be here in 100 years? Why do we care? Why are we allowing the opinions of others to stop us from living the lives that we know that we're capable of? And I true and this is something I'm even more passionate about than, in a way, than this sort of whole single childless thing. It's just like oh my god, we've got to stop worrying about what it's a muscle, isn't it?
Speaker 1:because it's, we know it, I'm not going to care what other people think. But then it always comes, you know, like, oh god, do I want to set post that? Do I want to say that, yeah, it's a muscle, you've just got to press, send, do the thing anyway. And then, how I manage it is. I then just let it go. I, I try to. I try not to think about it.
Speaker 1:I'm just like right, done that now and I'm going to move on to the next thing, although it still kind of makes my stomach churn and I'm a bit like oh, I'm just like no, it's done it's exactly, that's it.
Speaker 2:Let's move on totally.
Speaker 2:And just one thing before we wrap up, polly, because this is so key, talking about going back to the whole kind of mindset thing, it's so much about where you, you know, life is so much about where we're placing our attention, where we're placing our focus, and all of those people in the frigging comments, they are placing their attention on the wrong damn things. No doubt they're the kind of people who spend 24 7 watching the freaking news and just getting riled up about absolutely everything. Where we place our, our attention, our focus, is so key. And when that article went out on Tuesday, my, my biggest fear is oh my god, all of my ex-boyfriends are that. Who's going to see this? Which of my exes are going to see this? Cringe, humiliating, so embarrassing, just oh my god.
Speaker 2:But but, like you say, I then had to go. I've had that thought. Now put it over there and look this way shine the spotlight on something else, focus the attention on something else, because that and that's what we have to do. That is what we have to do. And also, you know, it's so much about the kind of you know, when it comes to content, like we have to be so mindful about what we're allowing into our brains and anyone in this, in the comment section of this piece, like they are, just they are allowing the wrong shit into their brains. You know they're they're focusing on the wrong stuff, feeding their minds on the wrong stuff. That's just making them angry and you know, just not very nice. So, yeah, sorry, I don't think this conversation went where we intended it to go.
Speaker 1:I've just been rambling on about God, I mean it's good, I think it's good, you know it's good to talk about these things because it's you know, it's it just, it's life, it's a I I'm I'm shocked by the comments that you received. I'm just comment, I'm just shocked by the hate, but I sadly don't think it's unusual. But yeah, I just haven't seen it like that. And you know, especially someone who I know. Yeah, I know, I know exactly what your intentions are. It's still so bloody shocking, so yeah, totally, can I just say.
Speaker 2:By the way, I'm tempted to stay on for two more minutes because we don't have to, but I because, because obviously I've got this article up, because I the comments up, because we've been talking about it, oh here, yeah. So I was gonna say someone was. I saw that someone was. Alan Walker has just dumped in and gone. Ah, got it, she's flogging a book. How fulfilling, oh my God, can I just say. Can I just say the number of people, the number of people who've said, oh, you're just trying to sell a book.
Speaker 2:It's like do you guys understand the concept of publicity? When you write a book, you talk, talk about it. That's what you do, that's what that's like. So, this, this kind of these, but this people are so sort of irked by, oh, someone else is typing, but hey, um, people are so irked by the fact that I'm, oh, selling a book, like I'm trying to sort of pretend that I'm not selling a book. That's, of course, that's why I've got a piece in the telegraph at all. But what, what? This is what you do. When you're trying to promote something, you have to talk about it because otherwise no one's going to buy it and you want people to buy it. Especially, we want people to buy this book. Please, everybody, buy this book buy the book.
Speaker 1:Honestly, they're just doing you another favor. The more people who comment, the bigger favor they're doing. I mean it's just ridiculous and it's crazy that it's still going these.
Speaker 2:I know it's going, I know it is. It's wild. Anyway um. Thanks for for for listening, watching anyone who who's who's? Um listened to me rambling on for the last 40 minutes and yeah, I, yeah, go and get lucy's book and um thanks, love yeah um, we'll be back but the most important thing is that you're okay, that you're you're.
Speaker 1:You're managing it really bloody brilliantly, um, and yeah, I think that's important. Thanks, love well done.
Speaker 2:Well, we'll be back on monday for our usual monday motivation. Who knows what we, what we'll be talking about then? We never know until about half an hour before, so we'll. But we'll be back on Monday for our usual Monday motivation. Who knows what we, what we'll be talking about then? We never know until about half an hour before, so we'll. But we'll be back on Monday, yeah all right love.
Speaker 1:All right love. I'll see you later. Lots of love bye, bye.